


Long Way Home

by LaMira1995 (MissTwistedMind)



Series: The Road To Hell [1]
Category: Far Cry 3
Genre: Drug Use, Hallucinations, Kidnapping, Loss, Manipulation, Pain, Psychological Torture, Sexual Content, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 54,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTwistedMind/pseuds/LaMira1995
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you make a mistake, you have to deal with the consequences. Jason has to learn the hard way that every decision has a price. And someone makes sure he would pay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude To Misery

**Author's Note:**

> My first Far Cry FanFiction, yeah! :-)  
> I had intended to update this every week, but because I'm moving to my new home I won't have access to the Net for at least ten days. So I'm going to post the second chapter today as well. Please be forgiving with spelling and grammar mistakes, I'm doing my best.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it! It will get darker eventually, but for now it's nothing too extreme ;-)

Home.

It seemed so far away, even though we were on our way back to our families. Or what was left of them. I sighed and turned on the little cot. My left hand hurt where Hoyt had chopped off my finger, and my nerves were on edge. I haven’t slept for days, merely rested when I didn’t have to be afraid of being eaten by a tiger or spotted by one of Vaas’ men. I was so exhausted, but my mind wouldn’t settle down. What should I tell mom? How could I explain everything that happened? How could I even live a normal life after what I’ve done?

I turned onto my stomach, taking a deep breath. It hurt. I probably got injured when I tried to save Riley. Or when…

I jerked up from the cot and looked around. It felt like I had closed my eyes for only a minute, but I was sure that I had fallen asleep finally. I let my head drop back onto the pillow. How far did we come? Maybe we were nearly back to… wherever Daisy would bring us. I reached under the mattress with my good hand and felt around for my gun. The D50 handgun was still there, and I closed my finger s around the handle and picked it up. Somehow I couldn’t imagine not carrying it around when we came back to California. I needed it. Rook had changed me.

I stretched and thought about getting up and looking for the others when I heard it. The voices were muffled through the thick walls of the boat, but they were definitely there. Slowly I got up from the cot and walked over to the door. My heart was thrumming wildly in my chest as I pressed my ear against the cold metal. Keep cool, Jason. Nothing to worry about. Rook just made you paranoid.

Shouting. I couldn’t determine what the voices were saying, but they were not my friends’. What happened? The Rakyat? I thought of Citra. Maybe they were coming for vengeance? I felt the rage slowly overtaking my fear. Fuck them. Why couldn’t they just leave us alone? I stormed out of the cabin and raised my gun. Sam was screaming ‘Blitzkrieg’ right into my ear. Two weeks. It took two weeks on Rook Island to perfect my reflexes. I saw movement to my left side, aimed. I needed less than two seconds to recognize it as an enemy. I shot even before he could raise his gun.

“He’s here,” I heard somebody shouting and turned, firing another shot. The first bullet hit his shoulder, the second his neck. He dropped to the ground. Red clothing. Pirates? I rushed to the back of the ship and peeked around the corner. Where were the others? First I saw Oliver’s cap and his blond mane beneath. He was kneeling on the ground, right next to Keith. Their hands were bound behind their backs, and they were both guarded by a pirate armed with the typical assault rifle. There were even more guys wandering around. I counted six, but there could be more on the rest of the ship. Two of them were heading my way, alarmed by their dead buddy. Fuck! I thought about heading to the other side of the ship and surprising them from there as I spotted the rest of my group. Liza and Daisy were bound as well. They were taken right next to Keith, while one of the pirates dragged Riley to the ship’s railing. “Hey, Snow White,” he shouted, and then he pushed Riley’s upper body over the rail, holding him with only one hand on his shirt. I heard Liza’s scream and Riley’s muttered ‘No, please, no’ as the guy looked in the direction where he assumed my presence. “Come out, come out, wherever you are, or your baby brother will go diving with the sharks.”

I closed my eyes for a second. Shit. If I shot the guy, how long would it take for me to kill the rest of the pirates and get Riley out of the water? Not to mention that none of the others should be hurt in the process. I licked over my lips. What should I do? “I count to three. One-“ Could I take out all of them? I had to deal with more pirates before, but never in such small space or with all my friends around. “Two-“ Maybe they would just take me with them and let the others leave. That thought in mind I pushed myself from the wall and faced the pirates.

“Leave him alone,” I growled as I raised the gun. I heard a click behind me.

“Slowly, Brody,” said a deep voice. I felt the barrel of another gun press against my back. Stupid. I could easily disarm him like that, but I feared for Riley’s safety if I should do so. The guy behind me took the D50 out of my hand. “We don’t want anybody to get hurt.”

“Would lower the selling price,” I answered with a false laugh and I heard him grunt.

“You betcha!” He kicked me in the back of my knee and I fell to the ground, then he grabbed my arms and hooked handcuffs over my wrists. I looked up and saw that they moved the others of the ship. For a moment I was afraid they would throw them in the sea after all, but they just got them in the small patrol boats which they always used on the coasts of Rook. The pirate dragged me into one of them and I sat next to Keith. Daisy and Riley were in the one in front of us, Liza and Ollie behind. “You play nice, Snow White, and we do too,” he explained with a heavy accent. Then he took one of their red bandanas and covered my eyes.

“You think this is necessary?” I asked as he stepped back and the second pirate brought the boat back to life. He didn’t answer. I felt Keith’s body press against mine as we took off to who knows where. He was shaking. I tested the handcuffs. Solid. I wouldn’t get them off my wrists. And even if, I couldn’t do anything in this situation. I turned my head in Keith’s direction. “You okay, pal?” I didn’t receive an answer. “Hey, I gonna get us out of here, okay? I did once, and I can do it again,” I whispered. “Trust me.”

“I don’t wanna be sold again.” His voice was nothing more than a whimper. I didn’t want to know the details of what Buck had done to him, but I could imagine it. Keith always has had a big mouth. He got Ollie and me into trouble regularly. To see him like that… it made me hate that Australian fucker even more. I hoped that he was burning in hell. Right next to Hoyt and Vaas.

“I won’t let this happen. I promise. “ No reaction. “You trust me?” I felt him nod. “Good. I’ll get you out of here, Wall Street.” I didn’t know where we were heading, but it was a long trip. Maybe we had come even further than I had thought. But the boats stopped eventually and I was dragged into the knee-deep water. Being led without seeing anything was a strange feeling and I was afraid that the guy next to me would pull some shit. I followed him nevertheless. Not that I had much choice. From the distance I could hear techno music and loud voices. So we were at Vaas’ camp then. We got out of the water and followed a path. I could feel the grass under my shoes. “Hey, what’s your name?” I asked the pirate who had taken care of me the whole time.

“Why do you wanna know?"

I shrugged. “You know my name too.”

He seemed to consider if it would harm him to tell me his name. “Benjamin,” he finally said. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this name, but I couldn’t place it. And I was sure I never saw his face before.

“Benjamin, I stole a lot of money from Hoyt and his privateers,” I said quietly. “If you let us go, I can make it worth for you.”

I heard him chuckle. “Good to know. So we will look for the money when we take apart your little ship.” Fuck these shitheads.

“Why are you doing this? We were already off the island!” The music grew louder, and so did the voices. We had to be really near. I couldn’t even hear the sound of the jungle anymore.

“Orders.” I felt heat in my face as we passed what I assumed was the big campfire. ‘Surprise motherfucker. You didn't think I knew you were coming right?’

“Who gave these orders?” I asked angrily.

“The boss.”

I couldn’t hear anything besides my own heartbeat in my ear. I wanted to rip their throats out, to kill every single one of them for keeping us hostages again. “The boss? You already have a new one?”

Benjamin chuckled again. “Yeah, sure. And now shut up, Brody, before we have to gag you.” And then we stopped. Suddenly I noticed that there were no voices anymore. Slowly the volume of the music was turned down, and the camp was dead silent. “We got Snow White!” Benjamin jelled beside me, and the silence was gone. I growled as the pirates started cheering and whistling and I was dropped back to my knees. I would get these fuckers. I would shoot our way out of here. “Quiet,” someone out of the crowd shouted, and once again the compound lay still. Benjamin took the blindfold off me and I blinked. The sun had nearly set and the temperature slowly dropped to a pleasant level. I looked to my right and got sight of my friends. Riley was staring at me, fear written all over his face. I flicked him a tiny smile. Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here, kiddo. But then something else caught my attention.

“Hello, Jason. Nice to see you again.”


	2. No Greater Agony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will get longer, I promise :-)

I stared at him for a long while. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Had I hit my head? Or maybe… this was all just a dream. I was still sleeping in the cabin of the ship, reliving the horror that Rook Island caused, while we were on our way back home. Every second Liza or Riley would come and wake me, and I would tell them about the dream and how real it felt. But no one came to wake me, and finally I shook my head. “You…,” I started, but I didn’t know what to say.

“What? ‘You’re supposed to be dead’? Well, fuck you, Jason! FUCK YOU!” he shouted while he was walking back and forth in front of me. He looked still the same as ever, wearing a red singlet and his hair styled to the typical Mohawk. But something seemed off. The way he was walking, like he was in pain? It seemed like I got him good. But... I had killed him... or did I? “You think you’re the king, Jason? You think you can come to MY Island and fucking KILL ME?” He stood right in front of me and leaned forward, but suddenly he furrowed his brow and returned into an upright position. Only now I spotted the bandages going around his torso under his wife-beater. I could see his hand twitching like he wanted to press it against his wound, but he seemed to change his mind. “I think I have to teach you some manners.”

This couldn't be real. “Fuck you, Vaas,” I whispered, but he heard it nevertheless.

“Fuck me, Snow White? Fuck me? I think you are the one getting fucked.” He touched his forehead and sighed. Maybe this was wearing him out more than I thought. “I can’t kill you, Snow White. I burned, shot, stabbed and drowned you. I even brought you down from the sky with a fucking grenade launcher. But you won’t fucking die, hermano. So we have a little problem here, don’t you think?”

I shook my head and stared up into his eyes. His pupils were dilated and he looked like the fucking maniac he was. “Just let us leave. We were already off Rook. We won’t bother you again!” I didn't want to beg, but I didn't know if I had the strength to fight anymore either.

But I received a chuckle as an answer. “Can’t be done, White Boy. I won’t let you get away with this. I want you to pay for everything you’ve done. Redemption and all this shit.” He laughed and then his gaze shifted to Benjamin. “Get them to the basement. I can’t deal with this shit right now.” Benjamin grabbed my arm and pulled me upright, but I fought against his grasp.

“At least… let the others go!,” I screamed as Vaas turned and made his way over to the warehouse I killed him in. “They didn’t do anything.” But he ignored me and disappeared into the building. The volume of the music was turned up again, and another pirate pressed his AK into my back to get me to move. I stared furiously at the red doors that hid Vaas’ presence, but eventually Benjamin dragged me with him. We were let into a different building and down the stairs. The only light came from a little light bulb on the ceiling which illuminated the cells. It looked like a prison. Each of the six cells had two cots attached to the wall, one above the other, a toilet and a sink. The bars were made out of steel and there was only a small window at the end of the aisle. “Home, sweet Home,” Benjamin whispered into my ear and I scowled. Again they put Liza and Oliver together, as well as Daisy and Riley. The shoved Keith in the cell between them, but when I wanted to follow, the pirate held me back. “No, we got something special for you.”

I swallowed nervously, but I played it cool. He led me to the end of the aisle and I spotted a door that I didn’t see before. With one last glance towards my friends I was shoved through it. Benjamin guided my through the dimly lit hallway. And again there were three cells to each of my sides, but this time with heavy metal doors. “Vaas thought it would be the best to isolate you, so you don’t get up to something.” He opened the first door to my left and let me have a peek inside. It was pitch-black and stank of piss. “It’s soundproof, so you can scream and swear all you want. Go on, get in there.” I wanted to punch this stupid grin so much, but all my fighting spirit left me at the sight of the cell. “Don’t worry; we’ll let you out of there… maybe. And I don’t like to repeat myself, so get in there.” The other guy pushed me forward. I swallowed hard as I entered it.

“Would you at least take the handcuffs off me?” I turned and looked straight to Benjamin, who was still standing in the lit corridor. His grin got even wider. “No,” he answered. “Have fun!” And with that he closed the door and I stared into the darkness. A loud click confirmed that I was locked in. A strange tingling sensation went straight through my stomach. I’ve never had problems with claustrophobia, but suddenly I found myself gasping for breath. There was nothing but darkness around me and the only thing I could hear was my own breathing. I thought crossed my mind. What if there was no fresh air supply? Or what if Vaas would leave me here, starving? I forced myself to take a deep breath through my nose. Calm down, Jason. You’re not the type for a panic attack. I carefully felt my way with my feet. I already lost every sense of space. Eventually my foot bumped against the wall and I lowered myself to the ground. It was cold and I instantly started shaking. “It’s okay, Jason. You can manage that,” I said into the silence. “No reason to lose your head.” And then everything was quiet again. I closed my eyes, because it didn’t make a difference anyway. The silence was suffocating me, and despite my effort of taking in deep breaths, I was panting. This couldn't be. No, it couldn't. No, no no no no! I hit my head against the wall behind me. ‘Pull it together, okay?’, Grant said and threw the knife at the pirate’s neck. ‘Jason, look at me. Stay with me’, Citra whispered as I lowered her dead body to the ground, and Sam murmured ‘You’re the best poker player I have ever met’ right beside me. And then there was nothing but Riley’s agonizing scream, as I pressed my thumb into the wound on his shoulder. I wanted to cover my ears as he kept crying and crying. Too late I realized that it was actually my scream tearing through the silence.

* * *

 

Without any source of light I lost track of time completely. It felt like I had been in this room for days, but the rational part of my brain told me that this couldn’t be. I lay on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest. My arms were still bound behind my back and it hurt, but I had no strength left to sit upright. I could taste blood on my tongue, probably because I had bit my lip. My bladder was ready to burst, but whatever dignity was left in me kept me from pissing myself. The voices had stopped talking. I was alone. And I wanted nothing more than one of the pirates to come in and shoot me. At one point during my stay in this horror cell I thought there might be a hole in the ceiling, because my cheeks were wet. I was afraid of drowning here, until I understood where the wetness came from. I thought about all the people I had lost, on Rook as well as back home, and suddenly breathing was even harder. But now it was quiet again. I couldn’t think. My brain had shut itself down. I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. So I stared into the darkness of the room which would probably be my grave. My stomach was growling, but I barely registered it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if I was dying.

But then I heard it. There was a soft knock on the door. I was listening for another sound. Maybe I had imagined it? But there it was again. I tried to get up from my position on the floor, but my legs were shaking so much from the cold and the exhaustion that I couldn’t get up. Instead I robbed on my knees, until I reached the opposite wall, and pressed my ear against the metal.

“Jason? Jason, are you in there?!” That couldn’t be.

“Grant?” I whispered through the thick door. I pressed my body harder against the metal. My heart was racing and I felt my eyes begin to water again. “Grant, are you there? Please get me out of here!”

“Jason, everything will be fine,” he answered, and I realized how much I missed hearing his voice. “I gonna get you out of there. Just hang on a little longer. I will work out a plan, and then I get all of you out, okay? Like always. You simply have to trust me.” I nodded in the darkness.

“I thought you were dead,” I whimpered.

“No, it was just a graze. Don’t worry. I’m here for you, J.” I wanted him to be here with me, to feel him beside me. I always admired my older brother, looked up at him. Of course he would help us. How could I doubt that? Whenever I needed him, whenever I fucked up, he was there to save my ass. “Hang on there, J. I’ll save you.” And then it was back to silence.

I waited and waited, but eventually I crawled back into a corner. And as I lay back onto the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest… I realized that Grant wouldn’t come back.

* * *

 

When the door finally opened, I didn’t know what was happening. Bright light flooded through the opening and I had to shut my eyes. But with the brightness came a draft of fresh air and I sucked it in gratefully. “Fuck, Jason, look at you!” Vaas was laughing, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to get out of here. I opened my eyes slowly, but the light burned nevertheless. Finally my eyes adjusted and I could make out Vaas’ silhouette in the doorway. He came towards me with heavy footsteps. “Not so cocky anymore, are we?” he whispered as he got into a kneeling position. “You wanna get out of here, Snow White?”

I didn’t want to answer, but I was afraid that he would leave me here, if I didn’t play along. After being locked up in darkness and silence, even the sight of him seemed to be an improvement. “Y…Yes,” I said, my voice barely audible. He nodded and stood up, and for a second I was so afraid that he would leave me here, that I would have clung to his leg if my hands were not bound anymore. But then I saw the two other guys behind him. One of them took of the handcuffs, and together they got me off the ground. I felt like a rag doll as each of them lifted one of my arms over their shoulders to help me walk. We left the room and passed the corridor, Vaas always in front of us. He opened the door, and finally I caught sight of my friends and brother. They were still in their cells, but apart from that they looked fine. Daisy hurried to the steel bars as she saw me.

“What did you do to him?” she asked angrily, but Vaas didn’t seem to think it was worth an answer. The pirate leader opened the door to Keith’s cell and his guys helped me onto the cot. I just lay there as they left and Vaas locked the door again

“I hope you’ll be a good boy from now on,” he said, grinning, and got out of the basement via the stairway.

“Jason, are you okay?” Daisy asked and switched to the side of her cell. She reached her hand out through the bars and touched my hand on the cot. “What did they do to you?” But I only shook my head. “Oh god, Jason, I’m so sorry…,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” I said eventually. “I talked to Grant. He promised to get us out of here. He will save us.”

I was asleep before I could even see her worried expression.


	3. The Deal I'm Making

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I'm back.  
> This one is just a short chapter, but they will get longer, I swear :)  
> Maybe I'll post another one this week, but I can't promise anything.  
> Well, I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> And I'll probably come back to Riley's fear in a later chapter! Poor kid... I'm a horrible person :D

It was easier to think clearly when I woke up. I still felt exhausted, even though I had slept like a log. They were still worried about me and I told them about the cell I was in. Apparently I had been in there for only a day. I felt shame gnawing at my pride. Really? It had felt like weeks. No one mentioned Grant again, though.

I tested my legs and stood up. They weren’t shaking anymore, so I went over to the sink and turned on the water, but all that came out was brownish sludge. “You can’t drink it. We already had a look at it,” Riley murmured from the neighbor cell. He was leaning against the bars. I let the water run for a few seconds more, but it wasn’t getting better. So I turned it off again and went over to my brother, crouching beside him. He didn’t look good. His face was pale, with dark bags under his eyes. Suddenly I remembered that he was shot. I tried to get a glimpse of his shoulder, but I could only see his shirt with the blood on his side.

“How are you?” I asked carefully and I reached my hand through the bars to run my fingers through his hair. He shrugged with his uninjured shoulder, but leaned into my touch.

“I want to go home,” he breathed.

“I know,” I said lowly. I had to smile at how much we were like Grant and I used to be. He was always taking care of me. Now the roles were reversed; I had to be strong for my little brother. “We’ll find a way out of here. Like we did last time. Listen to me,” this time he raised his eyes, “I need you to be ready. I don’t know how or when, but there will be a chance for us to get out, and then you have to follow my instructions.” He nodded eagerly and I gave him a reassuring smile. But then I turned serious again. “I mean it, Riley. If I say ‘Run’, you will. No matter what happens.”

“But I don’t want to leave you behind,” he objected.

“I’ll do anything to come after you guys. But I need to know that you’re safe first.” He opened his mouth again to say something, but just at that moment the door to the basement opened. Vaas came down the stairs, followed by a pirate I didn’t recognize. I looked at Riley, gave him a quick nod and stood up.

“Good morning, my guests,” Vaas greeted us with broad smile. “I hope you slept well and enjoyed your stay. Unfortunately we don’t serve breakfast, but therefor we offer a huge range of activities in the afternoon like golf and tennis. Or you can visit our sauna to relieve some of your tension.” He started laughing about his own joke and I crossed my arms in front of my chest. Stupid motherfucker. Should have rammed the dagger right through his skull. “No, seriously guys, you look like shit.”

“Fuck you, asshole,” Liza hissed and I shot her a quick glance. She was standing as well and she looked like she would go for his throat at any second. If only there were no bars in her way. He strolled over to her and stopped right in front of their cage.

“Here I am being all fucking nice to you little shitheads and what do I get for it?” He pointed his finger at Liza. “I think you should apologize for that!”

But she huffed. “Over my dead body!”

Vaas looked at her for a moment longer and I waited for him to snap and start shouting, but instead he nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said calmly. “We can arrange that.” And with that he drew his gun and pointed it at Liza. She flinched, but her expression didn’t change. She probably didn't even care what happened to her anymore. The tension in the room was so thick that one could have sliced it with a knife. “I give you one more fucking chance to apologize, or I’ll decorate the wall behind you with your brain,” Vaas threatened and I could nearly see the gears in her head turning. She stared back at him, unmoving.

“Liza…,” I warned carefully. And finally she lowered her head.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured angrily. Vaas chuckled and holstered his gun.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He didn’t wait for an answer but rather came over to my cell. I felt a cold chill running over my back but didn’t move. I did not want his anger on me for a change. One day in that chamber was more than enough. “Women, he? You have a really bitchy girlfriend, Jason. Or… isn’t she your girlfriend anymore, now that you fucked my sister?” I felt their glances on me, but didn’t say anything. “Oh, I didn’t give away a secret here, did I? I thought it would be obvious.”

“What do you want, Vaas?”

He smiled at me. “I’m a fucking generous person, Jason, so I will make you an offer. Because I’m so nice and forgiving, I will grant you three wishes.”

I furrowed my brow. “Three wishes? And the catch?”

“The catch?” He tapped his chin like he was actually thinking about this question. “The catch is that I won’t fulfill wishes I don’t like. So you should think clearly about it, if you don’t wanna waste them.” He was grinning like a Cheshire cat as he looked at me through the bars.

“So if I should wish that you release us, you wouldn’t do it?”

Vaas shrugged. “I don’t know, White Boy. You can try,” he laughed. “So, what’s it gonna be?”I looked over to the others. Three wishes. “You’re not allowed to ask the others,” he added smirking.

“Are food and water one wish?”

He considered it for a brief moment. “It’s your lucky day, Jason. Yes, it is.”

“Then food and water.” I thought about what else we needed. I nicer place to be held captive in? I doubted that he would allow this. I flexed my finger. My left hand still hurt and I looked down on it. Liza had bandaged my finger back on the ship, but that was two days ago. And Riley’s wound needed someone to have a look at it, too. ‘Medical care’ was my second wish, but Vaas shook his head.

“You have to be specific; medical care for whom?” Vaas demanded to know. “I’ll only attend one of you.” I grimaced, but nodded.

“My brother was shot-“

“No, Jason, it’s okay,” Riley said hastily. He turned towards Vaas. “He has lost his finger. He needs it more.” Vaas glanced at him, but then he looked back at me.

“These are your wishes, hermano. You get to decide.”

I ignored Riley’s attempt to interrupt me again. “He was shot. His wound has to be taken care of.”

Vaas hummed. “That leaves one last wish.”

I stared at the ground, thinking hard. What did we need? There were tons of things, but I doubted he would provide any of them. I ran my fingers through my hair. “How about… a chance for each of us to get cleaned up?” He nodded once more and rubbed his hands.

“Really good, Jason. I’m surprised. I thought I wouldn’t have to fulfill any of your wishes.”

“But you will?”

“As promised,” he grinned and showed his perfect white teeth. And they always say pirates are unkempt and have wooden legs. Welcome to the twenty-first century. “I’ll go get the stuff to take care of your baby brother. Ta-ta.” And then he did the same stupid move again and startled the pirate near him like he did when I first got to know him.

“Thanks, man,” Ollie said right after they left the basement. He was sitting on the cot and looked over to me. At first I thought he was being sarcastic, that he might disapprove my decision. But he smiled at me sincerely. “You did well.”

I shrugged. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“To much pressure?” he laughed as he took off his hat.

“You could say so.” I smiled back and for the first time in ages it felt genuine.

“Oh man,” he sighed and leaned his head at the wall behind him. “Talking about pressure... You should have asked for some weed. I would really love to get stoned right now. And to jack off.”

“Ollie!” Daisy seemed shocked, but she was laughing nevertheless.

“What? The last time I could was in Bangkok. I’m sorry, but I have to blow off some steam.” Suddenly the mood was bearable again. For a second every one of us could forget where we were. Even Keith was smiling.

“’Blow’ might be the appropriate word here.” Ollie chuckled at my remark, but then it was quiet again. The light atmosphere went away as fast as it had come. I looked around. My gaze rested on Liza for the longest time. I didn’t know what to feel about her anymore. Did I still love her? It was neither the time nor the pace to apologize; I didn’t even know what for. I took a deep breath and finally I took my eyes off her and sat down next to Keith on the floor. He still looked miserable. I chose my words carefully. “You okay, buddy? You don’t look too good.”

He stared off into the distance. I wasn’t even sure if he got my question, but then he took a deep breath. “This guy… Vaas. He’s alive,” he murmured.

“Looks like it, yeah.” What was he getting at?

“You thought he was dead. But you were wrong. You didn’t kill him. So he’s still alive.” He wrapped his arms around his knees. And all of the sudden I understood.

“No… no, Keith. I mean, yeah, I was wrong, but I was drugged when I fought Vaas. I didn’t know what had happened. I just assumed… but Buck, you saw it. He’s dead. And he won’t come back, I swear.” The others were watching us. I turned towards him. “You saw it,” I repeated.

“I don’t know what I saw. Maybe you messed things up again.” My first thought was to hit him for that, but I caught myself. I knew he was speaking out of fear. He didn’t mean it like that.

“No, Keith. Really, I promise. Buck is dead. He can’t hurt you or anyone else anymore.” He didn’t seem convinced. Finally he met my gaze.

“Swear it. On your life. That you have no doubt about it.”

I had doubts. If Vaas could survive, even though I stabbed him several times… But I looked him right in the eye. “I swear.”

He lowered his head and nodded slowly. “Okay…” I turned around and looked at Daisy. She had her arms slung around herself, but she flicked me a tiny smile and nodded as well. Normally she took care of people. She was a good listener and her calm demeanor got everybody to relax. But obviously she was pleased with my attempt.

After a while the basement door opened and Vaas returned with two of his guys. I recognized one of them. Benjamin. He carried fresh bandages and compresses, together with a bottle of what I assumed was antiseptic. I stood back up as Vaas stopped in front of Riley’s cell. “I want you to listen very carefully now,” he pointed his finger at Riley and Daisy. “And you too, Snow White, ’cause you always do stupid things.” I scowled but didn’t say anything. “I’m going to open this door and come in to patch you up. If anyone pulls some shit here, all your privileges are gone and the wound in your shoulder will be the least of your problems, you hear?” Both of them nodded. Vaas looked over to me and I nodded, too. “Good.” He got his key ring and unlocked the door. I felt Riley’s hurried glance on me as he entered the cell, and I went over to my little brother and crouched down beside him.

Vaas gave me a piercing look and I shook my head. “I won’t do anything,” then, to Riley, “It’s okay; he won’t hurt you.” Vaas stood there for a moment longer, but then he came near us, dropped the items to the cot next to him and crouched down as well. I wondered if he knew what he was doing, but I didn’t dare to ask. Riley was nervous enough. He reached his hands out and removed the layers of clothing from Riley’s shoulder.

“No stiches, please,” my brother whimpered fearfully. Vaas gave us a questioning look.

“He’s afraid of needles,” I explained as he didn’t answer. I touched Riley’s hand through the bars and he grabbed mine quickly.

Vaas chuckled and shook his head. “Really cute. But don’t worry. Most of the time bullet wounds don’t need to get stitched. It’s just done for the appearance. Also-,” he took a clean looking piece of fabric and dripped some of the antiseptic on it. “Also the shoulder is a really crappy spot to get shot. You can consider yourself lucky that obviously there is no greater damage and you can move your fucking arm.” Vaas pressed the cloth against the wound and Riley hissed, but apart from that he was silent. He had to take of his shirt for Vaas to clean up the wound entirely. It didn’t look too good, but at least it didn’t seem infected. Vaas made a comment about the strange form of the wound, but neither I nor my brother told him anything about what had happened at Hoyt’s compound. Finally he dressed it up with a compress and bandages, which were going around Riley’s upper arm and torso. Vaas stood up after he had finished, and for a second I wanted to thank him, but I caught myself. He wasn’t doing this out of generosity. It was his fault in the first place. He took the remaining stuff with him and left the cell, locking it behind him.

“I’m going to send someone with food and water. You guys can wash tomorrow.” Then he looked at me, and I felt an icy chill run down my back at his grin. “Be a fucking good boy, Jason, and behave. You don’t wanna get punished again, do you?”

No. I definitely did not.


	4. Minds Of Steel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College is starting next week, so I can't promise that there will be updates at regular intervals :( As compensation, this week's chapter comes a little bit earlier. I hope you guys like it and thanks for the kudos you have left! :) Have fun!
> 
> And yeah... I guess I got a little bit carried away with the length of the chapter :D
> 
> [1]Michael J. Fox

Sleep didn’t come easily in the second night in the cells. With nothing to do the whole day your body becomes restless. I felt on edge as I lay on my cot and stared into the darkness. Someone had turned the light out a while ago, and the music outside had stopped shortly after that, so I guessed most of the pirates were in their beds by now. I didn’t know which time it was, but the others were already asleep. I heard Ollie’s soft snoring, and from time to time Riley murmured something in his sleep. I couldn’t catch what he said, but it seemed that whatever he was dreaming wasn’t good. No surprise.

I stared at the grey wall in front of my eyes. I hated the night since we had come to Rook. It gave way for all the bad thoughts that you had no time for during the day, when you were off killing pirates and saving your friends. Most of the time in the last two or three or whatever weeks I had tried to avoid sleep until I couldn’t go on anymore. Then I had searched for a save place where I could collapse without being eaten by anything.

I’ve never been comfortable with crying. Riley was completely different. He always showed his feelings openly without caring who was watching him. Keith and I always liked to joke about him being too pure; and now I thought we were right. I had done many stupid things in my life, and Grant had told me about shit he had done. But Riley? Never. He was as pure as freshly fallen snow. And by now I would do anything to keep it that way.

I smiled sadly as I realized that it needed us to get kidnapped for me to take care of my little brother. I always wondered why he was looking up to me instead of Grant, because I had been a shitty brother. Grant had always taken care of us after dad killed himself. He wasn’t just my big brother. He was everything. Brother, father, role model, friend. When he had leave to join the army, I had started skydiving, bungee jumping, anything I could, only to hide the fact that I didn’t know what to do with my life. And that I missed him.

I jumped at a loud noise from outside the small barred window. I stood up slowly. None of the others seemed to have heard it. I couldn’t see anything, but I heard distant voices. One of them was definitely Vaas’; and he was obviously in a very bad mood. I tried to listen what they were saying, but they were too far away. He was shouting a moment longer, then there was total silence followed by a gunshot. I had to smile at that. Surely this hadn’t been Vaas getting shot, but probably one of his guys. And a dead pirate was a good pirate when it came to fleeing the camp.

“Jason?” I turned to my left. Riley was sitting on his cot. I could make out his silhouette in the dim moonlight. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.” I noticed that this sounded harsh and turned towards him. He hadn’t moved. “Are you okay?”

I saw him nod.“Yeah, everything’s alright.”

I moved closer to the bars separating us. “You sure?”

I couldn’t make out his face in the darkness, but when he spoke again, he sounded like he was about to cry. “I want to go home, Jason. I can’t take this anymore. I’m so afraid…”

I bit my lip, because I didn’t know what to say. Everything’s going to be fine? “I’ll protect you. I’m going to get you home soon,” I answered finally.

“I know,” he sobbed. “I know. But… I don’t want you to die, too. What if he kills you?”

It would not matter, as long as I would get you out of here. “Don’t worry about that now. I’m still here. And if he wanted to kill me, he would have done it already.” I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn’t do anything else. “Now go back to sleep. You need your rest.” He sighed but lay back down nevertheless. I went to my cot as well. “Riley?” I asked before I closed my eyes.

“Yes?”

“We’re a team, yeah?”

I earned a light chuckle. “Of course we are.” And after a while we both fell asleep.

* * *

 

The morning was worse than expected. I woke with a start as the door to the basement crashed into the wall. “Hey, you fucks! Wake up,” one of the pirates coming down the steps said. He rammed the butt of his AK47 against the bars of Daisy’s and Riley’s cell. “You-,” he pointed at him. “And you-,” he pointed at Keith. “You two are coming with us.” I stood up quickly as Riley gave me a nervous look. Two other pirates were already opening the doors to our cells.

“Where are you taking them?” I asked with irritation and tried to stop one of the guys from taking Keith with him. But he pushed me away and grabbed his arm, dragging him out of my reach. I cast a frantic glance to my left, but they had gotten Riley out of the cell as well. “Where are you taking them?” I shouted and tried to follow them, but I got the door of the cell slammed right into my face.

“We’re going to fuck them,” the guy with the AK laughed, his accent even thicker than before. “Get them out.” They left the basement and closed the door behind them. I rattled at the door, but it was no use.

“You bastards!” I screamed and turned towards the small window. “Vaas! Vaas, you stupid fuck! Come down here and I smash your fucking face in! You hear? Leave them alone!” My throat burned and I swallowed. “Fuck,” I sighed quietly and leaned my head against the metal.

“Jason?” Daisy asked calmly. “I don’t think Vaas is going to hurt them. Maybe… Maybe he just wants you to believe that.”

“Yeah,” I said sarcastically, “Because he’s always been so fucking nice to us. I’m going to rip his throat out if he only lays a finger on them,” I growled furiously. If I could only get to them. I stood there for a while, the bars still in my clenched fists. But then I went back to my cot, sat down and buried my face in my hands. ‘Please don’t hurt them’, I repeated over and over in my head. ‘I’ll do anything.’

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the basement door opened once more, and I sighed with relief as Riley and Keith reappeared on the stairs, seemingly unharmed. Their hair was wet and they were wearing pirates clothing, and suddenly it dawned on me. My third wish. A chance to get cleaned up. “The girls next,” the pirate said. Riley and Keith returned to their cells while Liza and Daisy were taken to the stairs. They didn’t seem too comfortable, but Riley gave them a quick nod.

“It’s okay,” he mouthed and Liza nodded back. The girls shared a quick glance; then they were escorted out of the basement. “Oh fuck,” I swore, “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s alright. They took us to the shower,” Riley answered. Under the red wife-beater I could see fresh bandages.

“And they didn’t hurt you? Or…,” I caught myself and looked back at Keith. He had sat down on my bed. I had to admit that he looked a little bit better as well. At least he didn’t gaze into space like the last day, but instead seemed to follow our conversation.

“No, nothing,” Riley explained. “I mean… we had to undress and shower in front of them, but they didn’t do anything. We could even brush our teeth and everything. And then they cleaned my wound again and bandaged it.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay, that’s great.” And the I turned around and looked at Keith. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I think.” He cleared his throat. “Feels good to be… clean again.”

It didn’t take as long for the girls to come back. Or at least it seemed like it to me. They wore the colors of the pirates as well; no wife-beaters, but shirts. Liza gave me a quick nod. ‘Everything’s alright.’ I noticed that this time there were four pirates instead of three, each one of them with an AK. They got Ollie out of his cell, but didn’t unlock mine. “Hands on your head, Brody!”

I furrowed my brow. “What? Are you afraid of me?”

“I give you one last chance, or you stay in there and we skip the shower.” I rolled my eyes. A part of me wanted to disobey, but I really wanted to get cleaned up. So I swallowed my pride and put my hands behind my head. One of the pirates unlocked the door and entered, while the others raised their guns. I bet they couldn’t wait to pull the trigger. The guy stepped behind me, grabbed my hands and forced them behind my back, and then… Handcuffs.

“Again?” I asked irritated.

“Orders.” Only now I recognized the guy as Benjamin. He chuckled as he led me out of the cell. Together with Ollie and the other pirates we climbed the stairs and went through the door. I had to close my eyes for a second. It was early morning, but the sun was already shining brightly. There were a lot more pirates at the compound. I wondered where Vaas took these guys from. I had killed so many of them. We were led across the place to another building with an eye-catching red door. It didn’t look much different than the other buildings; then again I hadn’t expected a hotel room.

“What happened last night?” I asked Benjamin.

He cocked his eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Vaas didn’t seem to be too happy about something. I heard him shouting. And there was a gunshot. I assume it wasn’t him getting a bullet through his skull?”

“No, it was the poor fellow who had to deliver bad news.”

I furrowed my brow and looked back at him. “Bad news? What happened?”

“As if I would tell you,” Benjamin chuckled.

Finally we entered the building. Warm and damp air came towards us and I could smell the scent of soap and shampoo. Ollie whistled beside me. “Rrrr, communal showers.” Before us was a huge room with about twelve sinks and mirrors to the left, and showers to the right. No chance for privacy. I felt reminded of school, when all of the boys had to shower in the same room after PE. “I bet you guys have a lot of fun in here. At least it’s not the first time we have to take a shower together,” Ollie joked and I rolled my eyes as Benjamin took the handcuffs off me.

“You realize that this sounded really wrong?”

“You bet your ass!”

“When you’ve finished your chitchat, you can go ahead now,” Benjamin interrupted. “You have half an hour before we head back to your cells. If you’re not finished until then, we drag you out of here naked. Everything you need to wash is over there,” he pointed to the shower. On the ground were bottles with shampoo and other stuff. “And there are razors at the sinks. I heard little girls like you have to shave their privates.”

It was both the best and the worst shower that I had in all my life. The best, because after weeks of crawling in dirt and dust, covered in blood and who knows what, and the only option to wash being the ocean, the warm water pouring down on me was magnificent. Dr. Earnhardt had made it possible for the rest of us to shower in his mansion, as long as we would be back in the cave when Vaas’ pirates or Hoyt’s privateers came around. But most of the time I hadn’t stayed long enough to take this chance. Amanaki and some of the outposts I liberated had showers, but not all of them. So almost always the other option was the ocean.

And it was the worst because of theses stupid motherfuckers. Two of the four pirates had left, but Benjamin and the other guy stayed with us. I wondered briefly how the girls must have felt. I tried to blank them out, but as things turned out it shouldn’t be this easy. With their whistling and the occasional comment about my ass they reminded me a lot of Hoyt’s men. Nevertheless I enjoyed it as much as possible. And obviously Ollie did too. He was humming a tune while he soaped himself and I had to chuckle. He had a talent for lighting the mood even in the worst situations.

We took our time in the showers, but eventually we got our towels and moved to the sinks. Ollie complained about being blond, because even if he grew a beard nobody could really see it. I smiled and started shaving myself. “Remember when we plucked out the first hair of Riley’s beard in his sleep?” Ollie asked laughing. The safety razor was shit, but better than nothing.

I had to grin. “Oh yeah. He was mad at us for weeks. And we got an earful of Grant.”

Ollie chuckled. “What times they were!” His smile faded, and he looked at me in the mirror. “Do you regret it? Your decision with that hot native woman?” I tilted my head to the side. “Don’t worry,” he added and lowered his gaze. “I won’t tell the others. I just wanna know. As your friend.”

I thought about it for a moment. Did I? What would life be right now, if I had killed my friends? I didn’t know, but I remembered Liza looking at me when I pressed that ancient knife against her throat and I shook my head. “No, I don’t regret it. I would do it again if I had to.”

“Even if you had known how it would have ended?”

I shrugged. Ollie was looking at me again. “Probably.” He nodded and I had to smile. “You didn’t think I would have it in me to kill you, did you?”

He seemed to ponder on my question. Ollie wasn’t this serous very often, but this seemed to concern him. “I don’t know, man. You had this crazy look in your eyes.”

I sighed. “Yeah… They gave me… something. You should have tried that stuff. Made me forget everything around me.” I gave him a sad smile and he shot a quick glance at the pirates standing at the door.

“So… did you figure something out about how we get out of here?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. But I’m working on it.”

“Five minutes,” Benjamin called and we looked over at him.

“Guess that’s our cue,” Ollie murmured and I nodded. We went over to him and he handed each of us a pile of clothes. Oliver was already loosening the towel around his waist, but I didn’t move.

“Where are our clothes?” Benjamin gave me a wide grin and shrugged. “I won’t put that on,” I said with a shake of my head.

“No problem,” he chuckled. “Then you come with us naked.” Ollie was dressed already. Red wife-beater and cargo pants. I swallowed. ‘One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.’ I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. Finally I took the clothes and put them on. From all the things that happened on Rook, this was maybe the worst thing I ever had to do. I surrendered. I didn’t look down once I finished. Benjamin grabbed my arm again, but this time he didn’t use the handcuffs. I sensed my chance, but this was stupid. I couldn’t just run away, nor could I get the others out of their cells without a plan. We left the building and walked across the compound back to the basement, but suddenly we were stopped by another guy. He said something to Benjamin in Spanish before he went in a different direction.

“Seems like we’ve got something to do,” he told me and tugged at my arm. I looked at Oliver, who was led to the basement by the other pirate. “Nothing will happen to them. As long as you play nice,” he added with a smile. I sighed and followed hesitantly. We went across the camp in the direction of the warehouse I killed Vaas in… or didn’t kill, obviously. But then we went to the right, through the door into another room. We were the only ones inside. The room was filled with many boxes, and in the middle of the room stood a single chair and under it on the concrete floor… a drain? “Sit down,” Benjamin said with a nod in its direction. I felt uneasy about it, but I didn’t have much choice, so I sat down. He bound my wrists to the arms of the chairs, and my feet to its legs.

“What’s the point of that? An interrogation?” I frowned.

“Not quite,” he said, but right in this moment Vaas entered the room, followed by about twelve pirates. Some of them were carrying a bucket full of water.

“Good morning, my friend! How are you?” The room was suddenly very crowded. The pirates were leaning against the walls and sitting on the crates, while Vaas walked around my chair. He stopped in front of me and leaned forward, his hands on the arms of the chair. “I asked you a question.”

“I know,” I growled. “But I don’t care.” His fist met my face faster than I expected. Everything went fuzzy and I felt my jaw throb.

“You think you’re funny, Snow White? You think you can bullshit me?” I tasted blood when I looked back at him. Probably split my lip. He leaned over me again. “Fuck you, Jason. Because here, on my island, we play by my rules, understood?” I stayed silent, and he pushed away from me and started circling the chair again. “You caused a lot of damage while you were running around and doing shit for my sister. You killed a lot of my men,” I heard the others murmur. “You disabled my radio towers, took over my outposts. Everything so you would be a perfect little Rakyat warrior.” He stopped again and crossed his arms, a stupid grin on his face. “I think it will only be fair, if you help me getting rid of these problems now.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Vaas reached out his hand to the pirates closest to him, who in turn handed him a piece of paper. Then he unfolded it and held it in front of my face. It was a map of the north island. I furrowed my brow and looked at it closely. The outposts were marked on it; some of them crossed out, others circled.

“As I said; thanks to you a lot of these outposts are controlled by the Rakyat. We reclaimed the ones in the east,” he pointed at some, including Camp Murder, Nat’s Repairs, Kells Boat repairs and some more, but it’s still a lot to do. We have to win back the whole island. And that’s what we need you for.”

I shook my head, confused. “So what? You want me to ask them to leave?”

“I didn’t plan to negotiate. I want to see them dead. Besides, I don’t think they would be pleased to see you, Snow White. Things have changed.”

“I bet a lot of your guys are in a very much better condition for that than me,” I answered drily. “What makes you think I could wipe out the whole outpost?”

“I don’t want you to storm in like a maniac”, he snarled and I felt a little bit of satisfaction because I got him riled up again. “But you could be that sneaky little bastard you were all the time, and take them out one by one. They won’t even know what has hit them.” He put the map in the back of his pants and crossed his arms. “So, you’re in?”

I swallowed. I didn’t want to turn against the Rakyat, even though they wanted me to kill my friends. After all, they let us leave peacefully. “No, I’m not. I won’t do it.”

Vaas nodded and I braced myself for another hit. But instead he gestured with his hand to the others. “Why do we always have to do it the hard way?” Two of the pirates came towards me and I balled my hand to fists nervously. “It seems like you enjoy getting punished.” Suddenly they tipped the chair over, lay it on the ground and lifted its legs so all my blood flowed to my head. I tried to fight against my bindings. It was only rope, but it didn’t loosen one bit as I struggled to get free . I felt exposed, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I watched Vaas from my position on the ground as he stood next to me. He crouched down. “I think you need a little convincement.” All the sudden I understood.

“Oh fuck no!” I shouted. Terror nearly choked me as one of the pirates got a bucket full of water and put it back next to Vaas. “Please, don’t do this!” I didn’t want to beg, but Grant had told me enough stories about it.

Vaas grinned and suddenly I knew that, no matter what I said, he would do it. He pulled a piece of fabric out of his pocket to cover my face and stood up. My heart hammered in my throat as I heard the metal of the bucket scrape on the ground as it was lifted. “Time to teach you some manners.” And then I couldn’t breathe anymore. I wanted to hold my breath, but when the water hit my face, I sucked in air reflexively. Water rushed down my nose and my mouth; I coughed and spat, but every time I tried to get air in my lungs there was only more water. My senses screamed at me, and I couldn’t hear anything else than my gurgling sounds. When I tried to turn away, someone held my head in position. My toes curled because of the pain. I didn’t know how much time went by, but then it was over. The water stopped and I gasped through the wet fabric, until someone took it off my face.

They dropped the chair back to the ground. My throat burned like hell. It reminded me of my childhood, when I was pushed into the water by a classmate at a school trip and swallowed enough water to lose consciousness. I didn’t dare to open my eyes, but Vaas kicked me with his foot. “You changed your mind, Jason?”

I groaned and looked up at him. “Fuck you,” I spat, but there was less force behind it than I wanted. The singlet was clinging to my body and I shifted in my position.

“I guess this means you’re in for a second round,” he grinned and threw the cloth back over my face. This time I was prepared when the pirates lifted the chair and someone gripped my head again and I held my breath as the water hit my fac. But then Vaas rammed his boot into my ribs, and the entire air left my lungs. Water poured into my mouth instead; I spluttered and felt my spit run down my cheek. The rational part of my mind told me that I couldn’t drown, that it was impossible because my lungs were on a higher level than my head, but that didn’t matter. I was convinced that this was death.

When the water stopped, I was shaking. I clenched my fingers and turned my head, coughing. Vaas was kneeling beside me, his hands clasped. “So?” he asked. My teeth were chattering and I was afraid that my voice might break if I tried to throw another insult at him. I just wanted it to stop, but I couldn’t… “Okay,” he said and got up. He took another bucket and put the fabric over my face, but I shook my head violently.

“No, no, stop! I’ll do it!” I screamed. My voice was muffled, but I knew he had heard it when the other guys didn’t raise the chair. I was still shaking when he took the wet cloth off my face and the chair was pulled upright again. Everything twirled and it took a moment for me to regain focus.

“There we go,” he leaned forward and grinned. “Somehow I thought you would resist longer.” He clapped his hands and turned to the other pirates. “You see? Any will can be broken. It just needs a little patience. Get the boats ready, we head out.” He faced me again, while the others left the room. I held his stare, unyielding. “I will break you, Snow White,” he promised, and it sent a cold chill down my back, “Just you wait.”

When he had left the room as well, I dropped my chin on my chest. Water was dripping from my wet hair down onto my shoulders. It ran down my chest and back and was then absorbed by the red singlet. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I was so fucked.

* * *

 

It took a long time until someone came in again. The guy untied me, gave me a new top and patched up my finger. I wondered silently about this, because Vaas had made clear that I wouldn’t get medical treatment if he took care of Riley, but I didn’t ask. Then I was led back outside, this time once more hand-cuffed, and across the compound. I wondered if the others were okay and hoped that they had gotten something to eat in the meantime. My stomach was growling. We had gotten food the night before, but it wasn’t nearly enough. We walked through the gates and the small path down to the sea, where Vaas was waiting for us together with some of his pirates and a couple of boats.

We took off to the north island. Once we reached the mainland we switched to cars and headed west. I was sitting in the back of a jeep, enjoying the moment of faked freedom, as Vaas turned to me from the passenger seat. “This is how it’s going to be, Jason,” he said over the roar of the engine, “We will drop you off above the outpost at a vantage point. Then will get back to the street and wait. You’ll try to finish them off quietly, because these fuckers are using my alarm system to stay in contact. And we don’t need them to call reinforcements, do we?” He raised a brow and I shook my head. “You’ll get your weapons once we arrived, but you’ll wait for us to get into position, so we can save your American ass if shit hits the fan. Got that?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” As if reading my mind, he gave me a warning glance. “I’ve got a radio to stay connected with my guys back at the camp. One of them is down by your baby brother, and he will put a bullet right between his eyes if it shouldn’t be my voice reporting to him every half an hour.” I nodded again and looked away. I didn’t think it would be this easy.

“Where are we heading?” I asked.

“Rust Yard.”

I nodded and turned back to him. “Then drop me off by the road.” He looked at me warily, but I didn’t want to back down. “You want me to do it, I do it my way.” He seemed to ponder on it for a moment, but then he nodded.

“Okay. But if you do anything stupid-“

“I know,” I interrupted, “You will shoot my brother.”

He looked at me a moment longer, but then he shook his head and turned forward. “Being cocky, hm? Guess I still have to teach you some manners.”

We drove on for a while longer, until we were near the north entrance of the camp. They parked the jeeps on the side of the road and we walked the rest of the way; once we could see the blue flag, we headed into the bushes and Vaas took my handcuffs off. “Here,” he handed me an earpiece and I took it, along with my camera. “We’ll stay in contact. I’m going to watch and hear you the whole time, so you might wanna behave down there, hermano,” Vaas declared as I examined the camp closely with the camera. There were six men I could see, one of them with a sniper rifle. I recognized none of them, but nevertheless a pang of guilt hit me. Hard. ‘These are your people,’ I heard Citra whisper. Sure, I would never forgive them for threatening my friends, but still… more than once they provided their help when I needed it. And now I was about to kill them. “You’ll need this.” I lowered my camera as one of the pirates handed me-

“My bow.” I took it from him together with a quiver full of arrows. I drew the bowstring and was pleased that the feeling was still the same.

“So, you’re going down there. Remember the alarm system, but it shouldn’t be a problem for you to disable it. We take no prisoners. I want you to kill all of these native fuckers. Any questions?”

I turned back to him and his stupid grin. “I have just a bow?”

“I’m sure you will handle it,” he chuckled, and for a brief second I was about to ignore his threats and smash his face in. But I couldn’t. So I turned around as he leaned against a tree, the bow over my shoulder, and slid down the slope carefully. The outpost was almost totally fenced, but I remembered a small gap on the south side where I could sneak in. I crouched down and tiptoed along the fence. Right as I reached the street and peeked around the corner into the camp, Vaas radioed me.

“There’s a fucking sniper in the middle of the place. He could become a problem, White Boy.”

“No, he won’t,” I whispered and took cover in the high grass. “He’s on the ground, so he can’t see more than the other guys. But you should be careful. He could spot you on top of the hill.” Finally he turned away from me, and I silently crossed the street and hid behind the other end of the fence. “Don’t forget to report to your guy at the compound.” I crawled through the grass until I found the hole and looked through me. There was a guy right in front of me, no more than two meters away and facing the other direction, but I couldn’t take him out with all the other guys around. I crawled back and looked to the hill. Maybe… “How about a little distraction?” I asked as quietly as I could.

I heard Vaas chuckle at the other end. “And now he needs our help.” I rolled my eyes. “Get ready.”

I got into position at the hole, wondering what kind of distraction the pirates could provide as I heard the sound of a bullet hitting a metal surface. The gun itself seemed to be silenced, because I didn’t hear the shot, but as expected the Rakyat turned towards the noise; and this was my chance. I crawled through the hole and reached for my machete – only to remember that Vaas didn’t give it to me. Fuck! Quickly I reached for the quiver and took out an arrow, breaking it in half. Unfortunately the guy heard the noise too and turned in my direction, but before he could process what had happened the tip of my arrow was already plunged deep in his throat. He made a gurgling noise, and then he was dead. I stared at him for a moment as his lifeless body dropped to the ground, but then I shook my head. These are my people, I thought grimly as I dragged him behind one of the cars to hide his body. The other men had already returned to their former positions, and I peeked over the back of the car to adapt my strategy. The sniper was still pacing back and forth in the middle of the outpost, one guy stood around the corner of the shed watching the other entrance, another one was near the alarm system Vaas had told me about and there were two more guys behind the command center of the outpost who I couldn’t see, but I knew were there because I had spotted them from the top of the hill. I searched the ground for a stone and reached for it, then threw it over the fence at the west entrance I came from. The guy with the sniper rifle cast a quick look at the other guys, but it didn’t seem like they had heard it, so he made his way towards the noise. I drew the next arrow from my quiver and once he had reached the gate and was out of view for the others, I let it fly through the air. I hit him right in the neck and he dropped to the grass.

Four guys left. “Really good, hermano,” I heard Vaas chuckle in my ear. “Cold, but good.” I crawled along the side of the car, took the next stone and threw it at the massive rock which restricted the east side of the camp. Both guys turned to the noise. I fired an arrow; it hit the first guy, and right as the other man looked to his friend, my second arrow went through his throat and killed him as well. Two guys left, both behind the command center. I didn’t look at the dead bodies as I walked over to the alarm system. I opened the box, reached in and ripped all of the wires out. My hands were bloody and I had to swallow at the sight. Don’t lose your head, Jason. Everything’s alright.

I had killed many times before, but this was wrong. It didn’t feel like winning anymore. “Two more left,” Vaas said in my ear and I nodded. “We’ll take one; you get the other, alright?” I took the hopefully last arrow out and walked along the side of the command center. I didn’t care for stealth anymore; there was nothing they could do, even if they spotted me. Silently I counted to three, prepared myself for the shot and turned the corner. I focused, let the arrow fly. It hit one of the guys in the chest, right as a bullet went straight through the skull of the other one. My men fell over, hands pressed against the wound when I caught him and laid him down on the ground. He gasped for air as his eyes tried to regain focus, and suddenly he stared at the tatau on my arm. I could pinpoint the exact moment he recognized me and I shook my head, taking the machete off his belt. “I’m sorry,” I explained, “but I had no other choice.” And with that I slid his throat, spilling warm blood all over my hands and clothes. I stood, wavering, as Vaas and his men came through the north entrance. He was grinning like the Cheshire cat and kicked the body of a dead Rakyat. Then he spotted me and began to cheer.

“That was fantastic, Jason, really fucking well!” he praised as he came toward me, “Just… BAM! They didn’t even know what was happening!” He was laughing so hard that he doubled over, while I was feeling extremely sick. I didn’t dare to look at the dead bodies, but I felt the wetness of their blood on my hands. I tried to breathe through my nose, but when Vaas slapped me on my shoulder, my stomach churned and I stormed over to the side of the camp. He was laughing even louder while I stood there, hands on my thighs and dry heaving, because there was not much left in my stomach.

There were footsteps behind me, but I didn’t turn around. “Look at you,” I heard Vaas’ mocking voice, “The oh so great Snow White, leader of the Rakyat and fucker of my sister, standing at the side of the road vomiting all over the fucking jungle.”

“Fuck you, Vaas," I growled and stood straight. I couldn’t deal with his bullshit right now. I heard him chuckle behind me and wiped my mouth. Hopefully we would leave soon and I could figure out how to get out of this hell.

“But I have to admit, Jason, you did really well. I didn’t think it would go this smoothly. Let’s get back to the camp and maybe there we can talk about your reward.” I was tempted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t wanna try his temper. A reward meant I could help the others, so I nodded to him and he waved me over in the direction of the cars. We walked through the grass on the side of the outpost. My stomach was growling and I hoped that I would get some food once we would be back. I was so deep in thoughts that I didn’t even hear the hissing sound, but suddenly I felt a sharp pain shooting up my leg. I screamed and fell to the ground. From the corner of my eye I saw Vaas turning to me, but I was more worried about the source of the pain. Two little punctured wounds. A snake.

“Fuck…," I winced and clutched on my leg. It hurt so much that my vision was turning fuzzy. Vaas knelt beside me.

“Okay, Snow White, keep calm!” he said, but even he sounded a little nervous. The snake was still within range, and he took a nearby stick to push it away. It was a bright green color and it didn’t seem to be too pleased about the intrusion in its habitat.

I swallowed. Breathing seemed to get harder and I opened my mouth to get more air into my lungs. Vaas came back to me quickly and knelt beside me once again. He took the radio from the back of his pants. “Hey, I need someone over here. Brody got bitten by a snake. We need the Doc immediately!”

Maybe this was it. What a shitty way to go for a warrior, I thought grimly while I bit my lip. The pain was so intense; I thought I might pass out every minute. I thought of Riley and the others. What would happen if I died? What would Vaas do to them?

“Keep calm, Jason,” he said and I wondered briefly why he was like this. “Don’t worry, help is on the way. You’re going to be okay… You just have to…”

I couldn’t hear anything else. All of the sudden it sounded as if he was miles away and then there was a buzzing noise in my ears. And then everything turned black, as my vision slowly faded and I lost consciousness. Maybe this was it…


	5. A Helping Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again :)  
> For this chapter I want to tell you guys three things.  
> The first thing is, even though we didn't get to know Grant very well in the beginning of Far Cry 3, I am convinced that he and Jason had a really close relationship, and that's why I started this chapter with this scene.
> 
> The second thing is that every single Far Cry FanFiction seems to have its Carlos. So, this is where I went with it :D
> 
> And the last thing is - without giving too much away - that it may look like I'm creating a Mary Sue in this story, but I'm really not. I don't want to criticize anybody, but I hate it when I want to read a FanFiction about the characters I love, and someone creates his own character who is sooo goddam perfect and then the story is all about him/her. I hope some of you know what I'm talking about. And again - this is no critism of any other Fiction here.  
> To come back to what I wanted to say, she will be in some of the next chapters, but the story is still going to be all about Jason. And for those of you waiting for Vaason, I didn't forget it. There will be something soon.
> 
> Phew, that was a lot of stuff. But as always, thanks for reading, I hope you like it! And I really want to tell you: I would be nothing without you. So, my most profound thanks to all of you! :)

_„Please don’t do this to me,“ I whispered and looked at Grant. He had his arms crossed over his chest defensively._

_“J, listen-“ But I didn’t want to listen._

_“No!” I screamed and felt tears escaping my eyes. Rage overtook the pain really quickly, and I shoved him away. “This is not fair!” I wanted to tell him that I hated him for this, but not even in this mood I could say these words. “You can’t just go!”_

_“It won’t be forever…”_

_“How do you know?” I whimpered. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to answer, but then he closed it again and shook his head. I would have loved nothing better than to laugh at how lost he looked, but instead I raised my arms and hugged myself. “Everyone is leaving me,” I sobbed quietly as I stared at the ground, but Grant heard it nevertheless._

_“No… I’m not… Jason, please,” I knew I was being childish, but I couldn’t help it. It had been a long time since I’ve felt this forlorn._

_“It’s not enough that we’ve lost dad. Now you’ll… I…,” My voice broke and this time I didn’t flinch away when Grant came towards me and pulled me close._

_“No, Jason,” he said and I could hear that he was close to tears as well. I wrapped my arms around his broad form and buried my face in his shoulder._

_“Please don’t leave…,” I cried. He was rocking us back and forth and I clung to him like a child. “Please, don’t…”_

_“I’m sorry, J,” he said, and I knew that all begging and pleading wouldn’t help. He wouldn’t change his mind. I sobbed quietly and closed my eyes. We stood there for a while until I spoke again._

_“I want to hate you for that,” I admitted and I felt him nod._

_“I know.”_

_“But I can’t,” I whispered._

_“I know.” He stared at the wall. I was feeling very drowsily all of the sudden, but I didn’t wanna let go._

_“Promise me you won’t leave me,” I finally said and I wasn’t talking about joining the army anymore. He took a deep breath. I knew that this was stupid, that a promise wouldn’t ensure that he would be safe or that he would come back home someday, but I needed him to say it. I needed to know that he would try. His grip tightened around me and his chin came to rest upon my head._

_“I promise, J. I will never leave you…”_

* * *

 

There was just silence when I came back to my senses. An unpleasant feeling, a buzzing noise, but then again no noise at all. I turned my head, eyes closed. Everything hurt and my fingers curled. I felt something soft under my hands and realized that my head was lying on a pillow. I turned my head again, trying to remember who I was… or maybe what I was. Maybe this was it… the end. Shouldn’t there be my loved ones waiting for me? A bright light? A gate to either heaven or hell?

I woke up with a start. There was the brightness, but this wasn’t death. I shielded my eyes from light with my right arm and grunted. What had happened? I turned my head and peeked around. I was lying on a makeshift bed in some kind of shack. The sun was shining through the windows into what looked like a living room. A couch and a TV were in the middle of the room, and there was a small kitchen on the opposite wall from where I was lying. There were obviously signs of someone living here. Some red tank tops and other clothes were littering the floor and I could smell the faint scent of tobacco in the air. A doorway covered by a red curtain seemed to lead to another room and I could see the other door to the outside world as well.

I tried to sit up, but only now I noticed the needle in my arm. I looked at it confused and followed the infusion line with my gaze to the infusion bag. This is getting really strange, I thought and sat up. But the next surprise followed instantly. There was a chain going around my ankle. The other end was attached to the foot of the bed. Okay, so someone had made sure I wouldn’t flee once I was awake.

I took the needle between finger and thumb and wanted to pull it out, but right in this moment I heard the door open. “I wouldn’t do this if I were you.” A man, probably in his mid-fifties, with grey hair and a wrinkled face, entered the room. “It keeps the pain at bay.” He walked over to me, a grey bag in his hand and dropped it in front of me.

“Who are you?” I asked. He went to the dining area, took a chair and dragged it over to me; then he sat on it and reached his hand out.

“I’m Carlos, the doctor in this camp. I patched you up.” I took his hand and shook it hesitantly.

“Patched me up? What happened?”

“You got bitten by a snake. But don’t worry, its poison is relatively harmless. But the bite is very painful. That’s why I gave you the infusion with something against the pain and an antiserum, as well as a tetanus vaccination. The problem is that you need to rest and take it easy. You mustn’t walk long distances for a while.”

“As if I could,” I said and looked at the chain around my right ankle.

“I told Vaas it wouldn’t be necessary, but he didn’t wanna take the risk. It would be great if you would lie down now, so I can check on the wound.” I didn’t know if I could trust that guy, but he had helped me already. I lay down carefully and he went to the end of the bed. I was wearing some kind of sweatpants and wondered briefly when he changed my clothes as he rolled up his sleeves and removed the bandages around my leg. It hurt despite the painkillers and I winced, but he was quick. “It’s still swollen,” he said and I looked down at the wound, “but you should be okay as long as you stay in bed.” He took the grey bag which he had brought and drew it close to him, taking some clean bandages out of it.

“So… you’re a real doctor?” I asked as he taped my right ankle up.

“Yeah, I was a paramedic for twelve years. It’s a little different on Rook, though. Worse health care. But I got used to that.”

Slowly I nodded. “What brought you here?”

I heard him chuckle and saw him shrug from the corner of my eye. “Stupidity.” I didn’t know what he meant, but I didn’t wanna dwell on it either. “But… I guess this is not important anymore. I’m here now, and that’s everything that matters.” He pulled down my pant leg once he was finished and stood up. “I will check on you every few hours, change your bandages if needed. Until then,” he closed the bag and picked it up, “rest. There is not much more you can do right now.”

He waved me goodbye and I watched him leave. There were many questions going through my head right now, but I had nobody to answer them. I hoped the others were alright. Again I sat up and tried the chain. There was no way I could get the shackle of my ankle, and the other end was locked to the bed, which again was screwed to the ground tightly. I had to suppress a laugh as I thought of ‘Saw’.

‘Jason, let’s play a little game. In order to save your friends and yourself from this crazy fucking maniac you have to bite off your own leg. For that you have less than an hour before someone will probably check on you. So good luck. Your time starts now!’

When did my life get this fucked up?

* * *

 

There was nothing I could have done, so I lay down and slept. Maybe in my dreams I would get an idea. But I didn’t. When I woke up, the sun wasn’t shining anymore through the windows and the sky looked as if it was about to rain. Nobody had come in here, or at least I didn’t notice. What I did notice was the clock hanging over one of the kitchen counters. Tick, tick, tick. No other sound than the constant fucking ticking. Maybe I was going crazy.

I wondered what kind of building this was. First I had thought that this was actually Carlos’ home in the camp, but he had taken his stuff with him. Maybe it didn’t belong to anyone at all, considering that no one was checking on me. I was thirsty and hungry, and I really needed to piss. Maybe I should…

The door opened and I sat up quickly. In came a girl, or rather a woman. The first thought coming to my mind was that they should have given the name Snow White to her. She was pale, with dark hair and red lips and a figure that would have gotten her into the next edition of the Playboy. She was carrying cleaning supplies and closed the door behind her. Then she gave me a quick glance and I realized I was staring.

“Hey,” I greeted stupidly. She watched me a moment longer before she turned away and started collecting the clothes lying on the ground. Okay… “I’m Jason,” I tried again, but this time she ignored me completely. She moved the stuff into a laundry basket, then she took the bucket she had brought as well and went through the doorway covered with the curtain and out of my sight. Eventually she came back, the bucket full of water now, put it down, took a mop and started wiping the floor. I tilted my head. “Ehm… I guess you don’t speak English then. That’s sad, because maybe you could have helped me. Or at least it would’ve been great to have someone to talk to.” I sighed and lay down again. “I guess you can’t tell me how my friends are then?” I looked over to her, but she didn’t react. “Yeah, I thought so.”

I watched her the whole time while she was cleaning the room, because there was not much else to do. Even though she couldn’t talk to me, it was nice to have someone here with me. But after a while she was done. The floor was wiped and clean of bottles and clothes, the kitchen was shining again and everything smelled nice. Looks a lot nicer now, I thought as I sat up. Lying on the cot the whole time wasn’t doing much good to my back and I was restless because I wanted to get up and do something useful.

Finally the girl took her stuff and made her way over to the door, but I stopped her. “Hey,” her hand rested on the doorknob, but she didn’t turn around. “If you see my friends… I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me, if they’re alright.” For a moment I was hoping that she could understand me, but then she pulled the door open and left the room. I sighed. So I had to do this on my own then.

The time seemed to pass much slower than normal. I even started to count the floorboards out of boredom. Thoughts of my friends and Riley wouldn’t leave my head, and I was afraid that Vaas might have killed them while I was out cold. After what felt like hours, Carlos came in again, this time with a small silver key. I wondered if I could knock him out after he opened the lock, but as things turned out I wouldn’t have gotten five feet. He had to help me stand, because my leg hurt so much. We walked through the red curtain and finally I saw what lay behind; a bedroom. But we ignored the large double bed and took a door to the left instead. It was a bathroom, and I was really glad to use it after such a long time. Carlos left me my privacy at least. Showering was especially difficult and it took up a lot of time, but after I got back to my bed I was really happy being clean again.

“You should tell Vaas that I can barely even walk," I said grumpily as he chained me again. He smiled and it seemed genuine, but apart from that he didn’t comment it. “When will I be back on my feet?”

“If you follow my instructions, maybe in a week,” he said as dismantled the I.V. pole. “But I can’t give you a guarantee. As I said; Rooks health care is a little bit different than we were used to.” I nodded. This was bad. I started to like this guy. He wasn’t a friend; he was one of Vaas’ guys. But still…

“Do _you_ know how my friends are?”

He didn’t seem surprised by my question. “They are fine. You don’t need to worry about them.”

“Can I see them?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “You can see them as soon as I don’t have to carry you all the way.” He got something from his back pocket; a small container with painkillers. “Now that you’re awake, you don’t need the infusion anymore.” He handed me two of the pills and I swallowed them before he could get the water.

“What about food?” I asked as I realized how hungry I was. My whole stomach hurt and right on cue it rumbled.

“I’ll send someone. Until then you’ll have to wait.” I nodded at him, and then he left. Great, I thought and lay back down. Could this get any worse?

* * *

 

At one point I must have drifted off to sleep, because when I looked at the clock on the wall again, it was already 11pm. Nevertheless, the outside world was lit by lights as I looked through the window from my place on the cot. At least there was still music playing and I enjoyed the beat going right through the building’s walls into my body.

I turned onto my side. My foot was throbbing, but it was nothing I couldn’t bear. But there was something different, and while I could stifle the feeling the whole time on the island, in this moment of calm it got back to me; homesickness. I wondered how mom was. She was probably worried sick. How would it be to return? To tell her what had happened, how her oldest son, who she was always so proud of, bled to death on the dirty ground of the jungle? How I killed hundreds of men and tortured my own brother? I stared into the room. I didn’t even want to imagine how a life without Grant would be. Just thinking about it felt as if my heart had been crushed under a gigantic foot.

Suddenly the music was turned off, and only moments later the door to my current home – or prison – opened, and in came none other than Vaas. He was carrying a glass and a bowl with something steaming in it. He turned on the light and I had to blink several times. Without even looking at me he came towards my cot, placing food and water in about a meter distance before it. Still without even a glance at me he turned, switched off the light again and left the room through the red curtain into the other room. I was so perplexed that I couldn’t even gather my thoughts and call out to him.

When I was younger, we had a dog. One day, I think my mom was pregnant with Riley at this time, the dog got bitten by a fox on our weekly walk through the nearby forest. Dad wouldn’t take the risk of anyone getting infected with rabies, so he tied him to the doghouse in the back yard. Every evening he went outside with the food, and in the beginning he let him sit down, placed the food a couple steps away and as soon as Dad was back in safe distance the dog was allowed to get up and eat.

Nevertheless, the dog had to be put down in the end.

This thought crossed my mind as I got up from the cot carefully, limped to the food and crouched down in front of it. Rice. There was neither knife nor fork, so I devoured it with the help of my hands. I didn’t care how I must have looked, downing everything so fast like a wild animal. I heard that the water in the other room was running, so Vaas had to be showering. After I had finished the rice, I drank the contents of the glass in one go. For a second I wondered if maybe the food was poisoned, but now it was too late to think about it, so I got up slowly and limped back to the bed. All of the sudden I felt really tired, even though I hadn’t done anything besides sleeping the whole day, and the moment my head touched the pillow I was already half asleep.

* * *

 

The next day started similar to the one before. Carlos came and woke me up, then he helped me to the bathroom and changed my bandages. He even brought some food and water, along with the painkillers, and unlike Vaas he gave it to me personally. Then I was left alone, spending my time sleeping and wondering if the others were okay.

It was time for a plan. I needed to get out of here to help the others. And the longer I would be chained to this goddam bed, the higher would be the chance of Vaas losing the temper with my friends. I tried to stand in search of something I could open the lock with, but right in this moment the door opened with a creak.

I froze. But it was neither Vaas nor Carlos, but instead a blonde head of hair. “Daisy?” I asked unbelievingly. She seemed to be just as surprised as I was. Silently she closed the door behind her and tiptoed over to me.

“Jason!” she said and flung her arms around me. “Oh my god, you’re well. We didn’t know what had happened to you…” She leaned back and held me at arms’ length.

“Daisy, how are you? What are you doing here?”

“I’m fine," she sighed. “I snuck away. I’m not allowed to be here actually. How are you? What happened?”

“I was… away with Vaas and got bit by a snake," I explained.

“Oh god”, she whispered. “Are you alright?” She took a seat beside me. “What’s this?” she asked with a questioning glance at the chain.

“You have three guesses. Vaas wanted to make sure that I can’t get away. But, whatever! How are the others?” Her gaze met mine and she shrugged. It seemed that she was contemplating on how much she could tell me. A bad feeling overcame me. “Daisy, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing… Vaas took us out of the cells. We have to work and help the pirates.” Daisy sighed and looked down at her hands. “Ollie… They got him some weed, so he should be happy. You know him. It doesn’t seem to bother him too much. Liza hates it. The pirates are always whistling at us and calling us names, but… I don’t know. They don’t touch us or anything like that. I get the feeling,” she shrugged, “maybe Vaas told them to stay away from us.” I wondered if she was right. Why should he do this? Nevertheless, I knew how the pirates were treating women normally. “Keith is doing better, really. I guess it’s because he has to take care of Riley.”

“Riley?” I interrupted her, “What’s wrong with him?” She shook her head again, still looking at her hands. “Daisy?” I asked pleadingly.

Finally she met my gaze, and there were tears in her eyes. “Jason… we thought you were dead. No one told us what had happened and there was no sign of life from you. Of course he is completely wrecked.” She leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Oh Jason… we thought we had lost you, too.” I stayed silent. The only sound was the ticking of the clock.

But suddenly I started to wonder. “If you thought I was dead, what are you doing here?”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and set straight. “This girl… she told me that there would be something I wanted to see in here.”

“What girl?” I furrowed my brow. “How did she look?”

“I didn’t know her. She came to me yesterday, but I had to wait for the right moment to sneak away. They are watching us really hard. She… she was really beautiful. With dark hair and bright blue eyes. I can’t really remember much.”

I nodded slowly and had to smile. “I guess I know who you mean.” Daisy tilted her head to the isde. “She was cleaning the room here. But I thought she didn’t speak English.”

She hummed and again there was a moment of silence, but then she gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. “I guess I have to carry the good news to the others.” She stood up and walked over to the door. “I’m so happy you’re alright," she said with a small smile.

I nodded. “Take care of yourself.” She opened the door a crack and looked outside, then, with a last glance back at me, Daisy slipped through that door.

* * *

 

I decided to put my attempts to escape on hold for the rest of the day. I really hoped that Daisy’s visit had stayed unnoticed, but no sign of trouble was a good sign… wasn’t it? Unfortunately there wasn’t much to do for me, and being alone the whole time made me go crazy slowly but surely. But I had to wait. If I messed this up, we probably wouldn’t get another chance to escape.

Carlos came to me twice and I had a really hard time trying to hide my nervousness, but eventually he left without suspecting anything. And finally, in the early evening, the girl came again, this time with a broom. She didn’t look at me at all, but instead she started sweeping the floor. I watched her for a few minutes and waited for her to say something, but nothing came, so I sat up. ”Why did you tell Daisy that I’m here?” There was a brief hesitation in her movements, a slight shift in her position that gave away that she _did_ understand me. But as quickly as it had come – it was gone. “What do you think this is? A game? Ignoring me and jeopardizing my friends’ lives?” I asked angrily because she didn't react.

“I didn’t tell her she should come in here,” she said with a French accent and turned around to face me. She smiled, but it seemed a little bit cynical. “I told her that there would be something of interest for her in here. And apparently I was right.”

I furrowed my brow. “Why were you ignoring me?”

“Because I was told to do so,” she answered and her smile got even wider. Her blue eyes stood out really much. No wonder Daisy remembered them.

“But you’re allowed to give away where I’m held captive?” I wondered, but she shrugged.

“No one had forbidden it.”

I opened my mouth but closed it again. Then I shook my head and leaned back against the wall. “Who… who are you?”

She looked to the door as if she was checking nobody would come through it. Then she turned back to me. “My name is Minou. I’m going to help you escape from the island.”


	6. Got A Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to give away to much, but for this chapter I want you to remember the warnings of this story. So if anything of this bothers you, please leave now. For everyone else, thanks for reading. I love you guys :)
> 
> And again, sorry for the short chapters, but college is keeping me really busy...

“I still don’t understand… What are you?”

She snickered and put the broom aside. “I’m a human being. And the last time I checked, I was a woman.” I stared at her wryly and she huffed. “Sam was right. You Americans have no sense of humor.”

I looked over to her. “Sam? The privateer? You knew him?”

“Oh yeah," she answered and plunked down onto the sofa, “We had a few… appointments.”

She snickered again and leaned forward, obviously drawing my attention to her cleavage. I looked away quickly as I understood what she meant. “So you’re a prostitute?”

“Not anymore. Thanks to you, I’m out of collar.” I furrowed my brow and she smiled at me. “Hoyt was the one calling on my services the most. I was his girl, so to say. What I did with Sam was a little bit more secret. Now that Hoyt is dead, let’s just say the south island got a little bit too dangerous for me, and Vaas needed someone to maintain the good shape of his home. I never would have taken him for the guy who likes it tidy.” She winked at me. “And basically that’s why I’m here. From a prostitute to a maid. What a progress.”

I nodded slowly. “But this doesn’t explain why you’re helping me.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Then _why are you_ helping me?”

She sighed and looked away shyly. “I have my reasons. Let’s just leave it at that. But I want to flee with you.” She looked back at me and lowered her voice. “I have something that is more important than a key or a gun. Something that you need desperately to get off the island.” I leaned forward and she smiled. “Information," she whispered.

“Information?” She nodded and stood up.

“You’ll realize soon enough how important it is to know who you can trust and who not. Or where you can find something to leave the island with – or did you want to swim?” The girl, Minou, winked at me again and crossed her arms before her chest. “The first thing we have to get rid of is this chain.” She came over to me and looked down at it. “Someone seemed to have tightened the screws holding the bed to the ground really good, so I think a screwdriver wouldn’t be an option. So we either need a saw to cut your leg off,” I looked at her with wide open eyes and she grinned at me to show that she was joking, “or we need the key.”

“Do you know where it is?” I asked and she nodded slowly.

“Yeah, but you won’t like it. Vaas carries it around with him on another necklace. As far as I know, he doesn’t take it off… maybe in the shower, but it would be a problem to get to him there. The only opportunity for us to get it is when it changes hands and Carlos comes to you.”

I buried my face in my hands. This was so fucked. “So I have to attack him?”

When I looked up again, she was pacing. “I don’t think it would be wise. We need the cover of the night. Nobody must know about our escape before we got some distance between us and the pirates. Killing the doc… this should really be our last resort.” Minou turned over to me, but she seemed to be talking to herself. “I’ll think of something. Maybe I’ll seduce Vaas and get the key once he’s asleep… Anyway,” she said and her gaze focused on me again, “Maybe there will be a chance for you to get it. There are always two guards watching the basement door. One of them always carries the key ring. They shouldn’t be a problem for someone as skilled as you.”

I cleared my throat. “Normally I would agree with you, but I can barely even walk.”

She shrugged. “I mean, we can wait. But I can’t guarantee you, that all of your friends will be alright until then.”

I groaned lowly and shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I can handle them.”

“If anyone sees you escape the camp, we are fucked, I hope you know this. So please keep your friends under control. I’m living in the last house on the left before the huge entrance gates. Knock at the window three times and wait for me.” I nodded at her piercing stare. “I swear to you, if you leave without me-“

“I won’t,” I interrupted her.

She nodded and continued. “There should be a few guards in the camp and on our way, but nothing a group couldn’t handle silently. We’ll escape with the boats outside the camp and head towards the north island. And from there we’ll figure out the next step. How does this sound?”

I shrugged and licked my lips. Suddenly my heart was beating really fast. This could be our chance. “Do you know a way to get off the island?” She nodded. “And this would be?”

“I’m not telling you right now. It’s my insurance so you’ll have to take me with you. Trust, but verify.”

I leaned back. “Okay,” I said, “And do you think everything will go smoothly?”

She snickered and took the broom. “When did it ever?” There was a brief pause before she spoke again. “I have to leave now, or someone will get suspicious. Be ready. You don’t know when there will be a chance. Until then…”

“Thank you,” I said as her hand touched the doorknob. She didn’t look at me, but I saw her smile.

“I guess you’re making many people’s lives more thrilling.”

I guessed she was right.

* * *

 

The whole evening nobody else came checking on me. I wondered if something had happened, but eventually Carlos showed up again, together with Vaas. Get the key, I thought and felt my heart beating faster. The doc came over to me, while Vaas went over to the fridge and got himself a beer. “How are you feeling, Jason?” Carlos asked, and I focused on him again.

“Could be better,” I answered and watched as Carlos opened the lock on my chain. This was the first time I noticed that it really was attached to a necklace, just as Minou had said.

He checked the bandages again. “It looks fine to me,” he said and helped me stand up, “You should be fine in no time.” I hoped so, ‘cause this would make our escape a lot easier. We went to my bathroom and I took my time in there, because I had to figure out a plan to get that goddam key. Maybe I should wait for Minou. I was sure she would find a way. After all she wasn’t chained the whole day. Before I left the bathroom, I checked all the drawers again. I had done this the first time Carlos helped me in here, but again I came up with nothing. Not even a razor or anything sharp. Vaas must have thought of that.

Walking back was still pretty hard. The pain went through my whole leg and I clenched my fists. Fuck… I would need something to lean onto. Once I was seated, Carlos fastened the shackle around my uninjured ankle. Maybe I could pick it? Keith and I had picked a lock once, but it was more luck than judgment. And in my position it would be hard to find something to open it with. The doc stood up, went to the kitchen and got me a glass of water. He handed it to me together with the painkillers, and I looked at them for a moment. Maybe, if I timed my escape right… as long as the painkillers worked, I could walk… I threw them in my mouth, but before I drank the water, I hid them under my tongue. I swallowed and handed the glass back to Carlos, and as soon as he turned around and I had made sure Vaas wasn’t looking either, I spit them onto my hand and put them under the pillow.

The doc went to Vaas, who had sat down onto the couch by now. It was strange. Vaas looked extremely tired. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, but then he sat up straight and removed his wife beater from his upper body. Carlos helped him loosen the bandages, and this was the first time I saw the wound I had inflicted. There was a stab wound right in the area between his stomach and his chest. It was a dark red in the middle and pink around the edges, and it looked really painful. But… that wasn’t right. I had attacked him at least four times! Not just once… or did I?

“What do you think you’re looking at?” Vaas growled and got me out of my stupor. I looked up into his eyes, his pupils dilated like he had taken something recently. “Keep staring like that and I’ll smash your face in.” I held his stare a moment longer, but then I looked away. I didn’t need him to come at me… or did I? This is a stupid idea, I thought, but braced myself nevertheless.

“Your failure,” I said and I saw him raise his eyes.

“What was that?” he asked and I nearly saw his blood starting to boil. Carlos was looking at me like I was crazy, and judging by what I was about to do, he probably had a point. I took a breath through my nose and faked the best smile I could.

“You asked me what I’m looking at. The proof of your failure.” He looked like he was about to explode, but it was not enough, so I signed my own death warrant. “Citra was right. You wouldn’t have been worthy to lead the Rakyat.”

He was faster than I had expected. He lunged at me and I reached my arms out, pushing at his shoulders. The key, I thought, but in this moment his fist hit my nose. I felt my eyes water instantly and tasted blood. Fucker. Rage overtook me and I grabbed his throat. My legs tangled around his and I pushed him back with all my strength. Not being prepared for my move he fell over and I pressed him into the covers, squeezing his throat violently. But I underestimated him. He brought his knee up between our bodies and kicked me. It wasn’t nearly as powerful as it should have been, but he threw me out of balance and I had to let him go. Vaas used that moment and hit me again, this time in the jaw. The blow knocked me off the bed and onto the ground, and within a moment Vaas was on top of me. I tried to break free, but my legs were caught in that goddam chain and I couldn’t move. He sent another punch to my stomach and all the air left me, and then another one and another one. I wanted to throw him off, but he caught my hands and punched me back in my jaw. My vision began to fade and there was ringing in my ear, until suddenly the weight was gone and I could move again.

I turned onto my side and coughed. Somewhere in the room I heard Carlos’ deep voice, but I couldn’t make out what he said. I rested my head against the cold wooden floor. Everything hurt. It was hard to breathe through my nose. This really was a stupid idea. I didn’t know how much time went by until someone came over to me and touched my shoulder. I flinched, but when I looked up at the face, I recognized the guy. I searched my memory for a name, but it didn’t come to my mind. He tried to help me up and I winced. Hopefully no rib had been broken. He helped me lean against the bed and I closed my eyes, because everything was spinning around me. I didn’t know how long I sat there either, but eventually someone pressed a wet cloth against my throbbing nose and bent my head a little bit forward. There were several leaps in time, or at least it felt like it, because all of the sudden Carlos was in front of me. He had blood everywhere on his shirt.

“What is your name?” he asked, and I wondered if maybe he had taken a hit to the head. “How old are you? Can you tell me where you are?” He looked at me like he was expecting something and I furrowed my brow. Eventually he shook his head and stood up. “Fuck… Vaas got him pretty badly.”

“What’s wrong? Won’t you help him?” the guy next to me asked, and I wondered what they were talking about.

“There’s nothing I can do here. It’s a head injury; he has to be taken to a hospital.”

“That might be difficult.”

With a start I realized that they were talking about me. Everything shifted into the right place and I swallowed the remaining blood in my mouth. “Jason Brody," I said and tried to remember the other questions. “Twenty-six… and probably in hell.”

Carlos turned back to me and there was a tiny smile on his lips. “You really are irrepressible.”

* * *

 

I thought it would be worse. Carlos suspected a concussion, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Bed rest was what he prescribed and again, it wasn’t like I had much choice. The nose wasn’t broken and fortunately I didn’t have more than a few cuts and bruises. He said I could consider myself lucky that Vaas still wasn’t at his best; otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten away with this. I wondered if he was right. Last time I had beaten _him_ after all. Carlos told me that Vaas was in the next room; if anything happened, I should call him and he would get the doc. Probably. Yeah, sure. Once he finished laughing, that is.

My head hurt like hell. Carlos had given me another dose of painkillers before he had left – this time a swallowed them, and now I lay in the darkness and waited for them to soothe the pain; and eventually the throbbing subsided and I could drift off to sleep. But it didn’t last long. I woke up and knew instantly that something was wrong. I couldn’t breathe. Something was cutting off my air supply. I fumbled around, clawing at anything within reach, and felt something warm above me. I couldn’t move. I tried to push it, my lungs screaming at me to take a breath. And suddenly I realized what it was.

Vaas was straddling me, his hands on my throat. “You’ll know-,” he began, but he didn’t come further. I grabbed his hands around my throat and tried to push them away, simultaneously turning my body to throw him off, and for a moment it looked like it had worked as he seemed to lose his balance. He had to release my throat, but then he reached behind him instead. Too late I realized what he was up to; he grabbed my injured ankle and pressed his fingers onto the bandaged snakebite. The first second the pain made me go stock-still, then I wailed and reached my hands out, grabbing the first thing I could get a hold on and pulled. Vaas tried to catch them and let go of my ankle, only to punch me in the gut. It knocked the wind out of me, leaving me helpless and gasping for air once more. He yanked on my arm and rolled me onto my stomach. I struggled and tried to ram my elbow into his chest, but he was faster and grabbed my wrists, pinning them to the mattress. I wanted to turn onto my back, but it was much harder in this position with the soft mattress dipping beneath us. I felt his hot breath on my neck, and yanked my head back to head-butt him, but I didn’t hit him. Instead he released my left wrist and pushed my face into the pillow. I tried to move my legs, but once again the chain restricted my movements, and I felt Vaas lean down.

“You’re mine, Snow White,” he whispered, and it sent a cold chill down my back. “And you’ll know your place soon enough.” I tried to flip over once more, and all of the sudden Vaas twisted my arm behind my back. He held me there, and yanked it even higher when I tried to throw him off. My head felt like it might explode. I cried out, but his grip didn’t loosen on bit. And then he grabbed my pants and pulled them down, and right in this moment I felt my blood run cold.

“No,” I whispered, terrified by the fought of what he was about to do. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but the events of the day had taken their toll. My strength left me quickly as I struggled and tried to wrestle him down, and I felt my limbs trembling. This couldn’t be happening. He used his weight and better position and held me down until I couldn’t fight anymore. Completely worn out I slumped against the pillow and clenched my fist as hard as I could, trying to focus on the pain in my palm as I felt Vaas’ naked skin on the back on my thighs. “Please not…-,” I begged, and it sounded so pathetic to my own ears. He pushed my arm higher on my back and I howled, bit my lip, tried anything to keep my last bit of dignity that had remained. But then I heard him spit and he pushed my legs apart, and that goddam chain was so cold on my skin. I couldn’t move, and when I felt him press his dick against me and he pushed into me, I couldn’t breathe either. A strange sound left my lips and I tightened my grip. “Stop!” I screamed and prayed to whatever greater power might be there, that someone would come in here and stop him. He forced his way into me nonetheless. I never thought this could happen to me, and for a brief moment Buck came to my mind, pinning Keith down on the bed in his basement. My stomach turned and I opened my mouth helplessly, trying to suck air into my lungs. At first Vaas moved inside of me slowly, and I thought it couldn’t get worse, but then he started a bruising pace. It felt like I had been ripped open. I bit the pillow under my head, bile rising in my throat as his hips slammed against mine. I felt tears leak out from the corner of my eyes and sobbed. _Please let it be over…_ I heard Vaas’ heavy panting and felt his breath on my neck. Everything hurt. He grabbed my leg with his free hand and pushed it further away. His movements quickened. Something ran down my thighs. I was sure it was blood. It made it easier for him. Every thrust felt like shards of glass being pushed into me. Vaas licked the back of my neck and I winced. _Let it be over…_

I lost track of time. I tried to breathe through my nose, to think of something else, to distance myself from what was happening. But nothing came to my mind, everything was blank, and the constant sound of his hips slapping against my ass held me captive inside my own head. But finally… he stilled, erupting inside of me, and as he pulled out I felt his come dripping out of my hole. It took every ounce of willpower not to throw up then and there. He let go of my arm, but I didn’t dare to move.

I closed my eyes, heard him move from the bed. His steps were beside me, and then the mattress dipped again as leaned down to me. “Jason,” he said and I felt my courage shrivel up on its own inside my head, “I want you to thank me for this.” His voice seemed so far away and I swallowed.

“Thank you,” I muttered without any resistance.

“No, that’s not enough,” he whispered. “I want you to look me in the eye and say ‘Thank you, Vaas, for putting me in place.”

It was much harder than I thought to open my eyes. Everything was still embedded in darkness and the only thing I could see was his face and this horrible grin. This is about power, I thought. I was worn out; the fight had left me. And he knew it. “Thank you, Vaas,” I repeated and it had never been this easy before to give up my pride, “for putting me in place.”

“That should do,” he chuckled and stood up. “For the moment.” I closed my eyes again and heard him walk over to his bedroom. “Sleep tight, Jason.”

I lay there, waiting, and tried to breathe through my mouth, but then I had to heave myself over the edge of the bed quickly and vomited on the floor. I spat, lay back down on the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I couldn’t stop the tears, but I pressed the sheets against my mouth to stifle the sounds. This was it… I couldn’t go on anymore. I simply couldn’t. I was beyond my breaking point.

I thought of home. How life had been.

College.

Parties.

A warm coffee in the morning.

Liza cuddling with me, clinging at my body under the sheets.

Surfing.

Mom staring at an old photo of us, where dad was still alive.

Grant and Riley and…

Riley. My poor, innocent brother, waiting alone and frightened in this dark cell… And Keith, asking me if I was sure Buck was dead… Daisy’s smiling face as she saw me safe and sound. Grant showing me the ring he had bought to propose to her after we would be back home…

‘ _You are so close to the end. Come on, end it!_ ’

I felt something stir inside me. The island had destroyed me. I knew I was far beyond repair, but I couldn’t let this happen to the others. They were my family. I cried even harder as I thought of them. My whole body was shaking with sobs. But then I forced myself to take a deep breath, wiped away tears, snot and vomit from my face with the sheets. And then I looked at my still closed hand. Whatever the cost, I would get them out of here. I opened it slowly, and the pain was minor in comparison to everything else.

My palm was bloody, but I sighed in relief when I saw what I had been hoping for.

A small silver key.


	7. Feeling The Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that Vaas and Jason won't be forgotten, even though Far Cry 4 will be released in a few days :-(  
> Anyway, a new chapter. Sorry I couldn't update earlier. Shame on me!  
> Thanks for reading and I hope you like it.

_‘Down here, my friend, down here… you hit the ground…’_

I thought I needed just a minute. That my decision to save the people I loved would solve the problem on its own. That maybe some mystical entity would make me stand up and return my will to live. But unfortunately it wasn’t that easy, and the clock on the wall kept ticking while I was still staring into the room. I knew I had to hurry. As soon as Vaas was up, he would realize that the key was gone and then he would come after us. We needed some distance between him and us if we wanted to get out. I knew that. But I couldn’t move.

Ten seconds, Jason. You have ten seconds, and then you’ll stand up, I thought. And with the next tick I started to count.

_Tick, tick, tick_ – I closed my eyes and wondered what life would have been if we hadn’t made that jump.

_Tick, tick, tick_ – Who would recover from this? Would our lives get back to normal one day? ‘Hey, son, did I ever tell you how I got kidnapped by pirates?’

_Tick, tick, tick_ – Did I ever… Did I ever… _‘Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?’_

_Tick._

I knew that this would be the last act.

I reached down slowly to pull my pants up, but the waistband was wet. I swallowed and felt my heart skip a beat. It’s okay… don’t lose your head now. I pulled it up and tried breathing through my mouth. Then I rolled over onto my back and sat up. Every movement hurt, but I ignored it as far as I could. The key had warmed up in my hand and wiped the blood off it on my pants. My heartbeat quickened as I took hold of the lock, and when the key slid in easily and a gentle ‘Click’ was heard once it was turned, I sighed in relief. I was not sure if I ever heard a lovelier sound. I pulled the shackle off my ankle and moved my foot. _‘Only the strongest shall survive.’_ I really hoped that Vaas was already asleep again, but I had been lying there for at least an hour, so he shouldn’t twiddle his thumbs anymore. I reached under the pillow and searched for the remaining painkillers, and when I found them I placed them in my open hand and looked at them carefully. Maybe I should take them with me, instead of swallowing them now. But there was a small whisper in the back of my head, and without thinking about it anymore, I threw them into my mouth.

I tried to avoid what had been the contents of my stomach a while ago when I set my legs on the ground. Okay, now to the hard part. Hesitantly I stood up, and I didn’t even know where the pain was the worst. My ankle was throbbing, and I wondered briefly how we should get out of here. Maybe I should just free them and stay behind, so I wouldn’t slow them down.

I limped over to the window and looked outside. Some lights were still on, but the major part of the camp lay in darkness. This was good. Lower chance to get seen. I couldn’t spot any pirates nearby, so I tiptoed to the door and opened it slowly. I looked back to Vaas’ room, and wondered if I should search for a weapon in there, but this was stupid. So I slid through the slightly open door, and took a really deep breath when the first rush of clean and healthy air hit my face. Slowly I hobbled down the stairs and took cover behind the first crates I could reach. I scanned the area for pirates again, but still nothing. Either this was a trap, or Vaas was really sure about his victory. Then I kept looking for the basement in which the others were held captive. Unfortunately the compound looked a lot different in the night than it did in the day, and for a short moment I was afraid that I wouldn’t find them. But then I spotted the building, and I moved to the wall of a shack a few steps from my hideout. I pressed myself against the concrete and moved very slowly alongside it. The adrenaline was rushing through my system again and I was really glad that it seemed to ease the pain, and when I looked around the corner, I felt a tingling sensation in my hands.

I took advantage of the darkness and moved between the buildings and the wall which was framing the whole compound. Not many guys were around, but I heard some of them talking close by. None of them seemed to expect anything. This was strange, ‘cause even if they were not waiting for _my_ attack, they should at least be careful when it came to the Rakyat. Citra’s people should be very pissed about Vaas taking over the outposts again, and I was sure they were out for vengeance. How did Vaas get a hold of the outposts so quick anyway? I mean, it was only two days…

I stopped at the back of the building the others were held in. Near the ground was the small window, and I thought about destroying the bars, but that wouldn’t get us anywhere. It was too loud and would alarm the pirates, and even if I got it off without too much noise, the others would still be locked in the cells. I sneaked further along the side of the house, and when I peeked around the corner, I could see a guy standing right in front of the entrance to the basement. He had his bandana pulled up high in his face, and his AK hang loosely around his shoulder. I remembered Minou telling me that there should be two guys, but I couldn’t see anybody else. I had to keep cool and do this quickly; otherwise they would notice me in a matter of seconds. And I was hardly able to overpower them, let alone the whole camp if someone saw our struggle and called for help.

I leaned back against the wall and tilted my head back. I couldn’t remember feeling this bad in my whole life, which was saying something. But that was neither the time nor the place for a pity party, so I pushed away from the wall and looked around. I couldn’t see much because of the darkness, but I decided to do this the way I was used to and took a rock from the ground. I peeked around the corner once more, but a second guy still wasn’t be to seen, so I threw the rock at the wall of the building opposite the basement. I leaned back a little as Vaas minion raised his eyes at the noise. He looked around nervously, like he knew something was about to happen, but finally he moved towards to where I had thrown the rock. I readied myself, approaching him from behind, and as soon as he was in reach I jumped up threw my arm around his neck to choke him. His hands pulled at my arm and he tried to push at my face, but I tightened my grip as much as I could. I felt my strength leave me, but I couldn’t let go, because letting go meant giving up, and I couldn’t give up, a warrior never gave up, because _‘only the strongest shall survive,’_ Citra whispered and she watched me take this guy down and I nodded and felt the jungle roar inside of me and I would murder every single one of these guys, and then… I realized that the pirate wasn’t moving anymore. _‘This is crazy,’_ I heard a voice in my head say, and I wasn’t sure anymore if it was Vaas’ or mine.

I let his body drop to the ground, and his head lay in such a strange angle that I was sure I had broken his neck. Was this even possible? With a start I realized that I was shaking, and I didn’t know if I was still in my body or if this was one of these bizarre experiences, where you could observe yourself from the outside.

Another voice let me flinch, and I looked up with my heart beating so hard I could feel it against my ribs. “Hey you fuckhead, where are you?” I came back from my stupor really quickly and took hold of the dead pirate, dragging him into the darkness behind the building. I hoped the other wouldn’t see the marks on the ground as I took the AK in my hands. “You know, cracking the same joke the second time doesn’t make it any funnier,“ the guy called, and I pressed myself against the wall, hidden by the shadows. “And I swear, if you jump at me now and scream

“Boo,“ I will fucking rip you a new one.” I slid down behind a crate and watched him walk around the corner of the house, strolling past me further into the darkness, and then I stood up. He heard the noise and turned, and I rammed the end of the rifle in his face. “Boo,” I said as he fell. I couldn’t suppress the grin as I leaned down and searched his pockets for the keys. They weren’t there, so I moved over to the other guy, and there they hung at his belt. I took them and turned to leave, but then I stopped. I couldn’t stay in these clothes.

This is sick, I thought as I pulled the shirt over my head. I didn’t look at the pants, because I didn’t wanna see what exactly had caused the wetness there. This had never happened, I decided, but deep down I knew… This was like the beginning again. I had been afraid of him. But we had fought so much in that time that fear had turned into hate. But now… I shook my head and nearly ripped the clothes from the dead body. It bothered me to wear the signature colors of the pirates again, but it wasn’t like I had much choice. Once I had changed, I looked around for any sign of reinforcements, but it was like I had predicted. No one had even noticed us.

I picked the keys up from the ground together with the AK and sneaked to the front of the building. I could see a few pirates sitting together and playing cards at the side of the compound, and some more kept patrolling between the buildings, but no one of them should notice me. I inserted the key into the lock and turned it slowly, and when I heard the faint clicking sound, I pulled the door open.

I closed it behind me again, so no one would notice my break-in, and then I limped down the stairs. My leg and rear hurt with each step, and I was afraid I would fall because I couldn’t see anything, but then I reached the concrete ground and I sighed. Dim moonlight shone through the window and I could see the shapes of the cells and the others lying in their beds.

I went to Daisy’s and Riley’s cell, unlocked it and got inside. I felt the adrenaline pump through my veins as I touched my brother’s shoulder. “Riley? Riley, wake up!” I whispered, and then I stood up and woke Daisy up as well, her blond hair not tied back into a ponytail like usual. I saw her brow furrow as she woke up, but then she seemed to recognize who stood in front of her.

“Jason? How… how did you get here?” Upon hearing my name, Riley leaped up from his bed, suddenly fully awake, and threw himself at me.

“Oh my god, Jason,” I heard his muffled voice, but I couldn’t concentrate on what he said afterwards. All I could focus on was the sickening feeling of his body against mine, clinging to me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. My head screamed at me to push him away, but this was my brother. It’s just my brother, I repeated in my head. “Jason?” I heard him say and looked him in the eye. His grip had loosened and I swallowed nervously.

“It’s okay”, I lied and closed my arms around him. I breathed through my mouth, but the sickness wouldn’t go away. When I looked up, I saw that Keith, Ollie and Liza were already up, and I wondered briefly how long I must have stood there. I let go of Riley quickly and hurried to open the other cells. “We have to get out of here quickly”, I said and only a moment later I thought that this was a stupid thing to say. Of course we had to be fast. This wasn’t a fucking tea party. “Once Vaas is awake, he will be after us, so we have to be in advance of him.”

“So what’s the plan?” Liza asked, and my gaze lingered on her for a while. That was a good question. What was the plan? I felt all eyes on me as they waited for an answer. The truth was that I didn’t know. We should probably get Minou, but how should I explain that our whole escape depended on Vaas’ maid, of whom I didn’t even know anything but her name?

I cleared my throat. “We’ll meet up with someone. Then we’ll talk about everything else. For now we have to get out of here without being seen. There are not many pirates around, so we should be okay when we move along the wall,” I explained and got a nod from everyone. “We stick together. Don’t panic. And nobody plays the hero, alright?” Another round of nods. I sighed. “Okay, everyone ready? Let’s go!”

I climbed the stairs and looked outside, but the pirates were still playing cards. I guided the group into the shadows, and we moved behind the buildings like I did before. My heart was beating in my throat, and I clung to the AK with ice-cold hands. I wished I had my bow and I was sure it was somewhere within the compound, but it would be really stupid to go looking for it. We made it to the huge gates without any problems, but I wondered where Minou was staying. The left side… but which left? From the inside or the outside? I guessed it was from the inside with an eye towards the exit, but then I had to cross the compound to get to the other side.

“Jason?”

I flinched as I felt a hand touch my shoulder and pushed it away immediately. “Don’t touch me!” I hissed as I stumbled backwards. I closed my eyes to calm my breathing, and when I looked up I saw my friends staring at me like I had gone crazy. Daisy stood close to me, her hand pressed against her body as if she had been burned. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. This was so fucked… “Look, you guys wait here,“ I said and looked away, ashamed of myself. “I have to get someone and it will be easier when I’m alone.” Without waiting for an answer I turned around and left them behind, sneaking past the gates, glancing at the pirates several times. Once I was at the other side, I pressed myself against the wall of the building. It was a little shack, but the windows were too high to look inside. This could go really wrong, if this was not where Minou was staying. I reached up and knocked against the cool glass of the window – three times as instructed – and hurried behind some nearby crates. My wound was pounding and I closed my eyes tiredly. I would give my arm for a good night’s rest and a day without someone trying to kill me.

I heard steps and opened my eyes. There was a figure in the small alley, illuminated by only the moonlight. “Hello?” she asked and I stood up.

“Minou? It’s me.” She flinched at my voice, but came towards me once she recognized me in the darkness.

“Jason? What… How..? How did you get out?” I saw her furrow her brow.

“I got the key,” I said, avoiding her question. “The others are with me. We need to get out quickly. You have a plan?”

She seemed to be taken aback for a moment and shook her head. “N… No.”

“What do you mean, ‘No’? You said you would help us. You said you had information that would get us out of here!” She stared at me with wide-eyed. “We need your help!”

“Yeah, but… I didn’t think it would be so soon. I didn’t prepare anything. How did you get the key anyway?”

Her sure and self-confident demeanor was gone, and suddenly I doubted that we would get off the island after all. “That doesn’t matter”, I said elusively, and saw her titling her head. “What does matter is that we need a plan nevertheless. We can’t just sit here and wait for Vaas to notice our escape. So I will look for something, with or without you.”

She shook her head and ran her fingers through her dark hair. “Okay… first things first. Where are your friends?” I motioned to the other side of the camp. “I have to get some things. You know where the pirated keep their boats?” I nodded as she rested her hands on her hips. “Okay… we meet there. Watch out for pirates. Take them out quietly if you have to. And once you arrived at the boats, don’t-“

“Leave without you?” I finished and she nodded. “We won’t. “

“Good”, she said and peeked around the corner at the remaining pirates. “Let’s get it over with.”

* * *

 

I returned to the others and we left the compound through the gates, which were unguarded as well. I had a very bad feeling about all this. It was as if Vaas wanted us to flee. But he couldn’t know of our escape, could he? Maybe I was just suffering from paranoia…

We came across two pirates eventually. They were sitting at a campfire on the way to the boats, and I was just wondering how I should take out both of them, when Ollie and Keith offered their help. I wasn’t sure about this, especially because of Keith, but he really seemed to be in a better condition like Daisy had said. Before I could put in a veto, they already put their plan into action, and I closed my eyes, knowing that this would go wrong. To my surprise, it didn’t, and they overpowered them easily and took their guns. We arrived at the small beach a few minutes later, and in fact there were two boats, with their keys still in the ignition. This wasn’t unusual. Most of the vehicles I had come across didn’t have to be… “jump-started”.

I sat down on one of the boats and stretched my leg out. The bandage looked much dirtier than it did before, and Liza knelt down in front of me and helped me tighten it around the wound again. “So… the plan?” she asked as I felt her cold hands on my skin.

“For now, we wait. That girl you met,“ I motioned to Daisy, “she will help us. She knows a way out of here.” I saw them exchange worried glances and frowned. “What?”

It seemed like none of them wanted to get my anger upon them, because everyone stayed silent. Finally Daisy sighed and spoke up. “We were just wondering if we really need the help of someone else. How do you know we can trust her?”

I didn’t, but I had no choice. 'If you relied on me, you would be fucked, because I didn’t have a plan. If you relied on me, you could just as well go back and lock yourselves in the basement right now.' I couldn’t tell them that, so I only shook my head. “She helped us before.”

“The question is _why did she help us_?” Keith added, and something dark and bitter inside me wanted to ask him when he had found his voice again. But right in this moment Minou walked up to us, and she was carrying a bag in her hand.

“Because I want to get off the island, just like you.” She looked to me, and I sighed. “And apparently I’m the only one that knows how. I’m not forcing you to come with me; you can stay behind and look for another way. I for one will take one of these boats now and drive to the coast of the north island.” She looked round, but the others were avoiding her gaze.

“No, we’ll come with you”, I broke the silence and stood up.

No one of the others objected, so she nodded, opened the bag and took a bunch of khaki shirts out of it. She handed one to each of us. “The red tops of the pirates will easily give away your position when we move through the jungle. Get changed, and then we’ll head to the north island. There we are going to discuss everything else.”

* * *

 

The painkillers didn’t last long, and the motion of the boat caused me nausea once more. I closed my eyes and hoped that it would be over soon. The ride took only a few minutes, but before we even arrived at the coast, I bent over the edge of the boat and threw up.

When the boats stopped, I felt exhausted and shaken. Ollie and Keith nearly had to carry me, and I collapsed to the ground once we reached the beach. Daisy knelt beside me quickly. “What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly.

What’s not? “My head… and my leg,“ I whimpered and turned onto my side.

“We can’t stay here,“ I heard Minou whisper. “The road is just a few feet away. If anybody sees us, we’re fucked.”

“So what do you suggest? Leave him here?” Daisy hissed angrily. I tried to sit up, but everything was spinning. Ollie sat down beside me and helped me up, and I watched the girls nearly go at each other’s throats.

“I didn’t say that. But we’ve still a long way to go, and I won’t carry him.”

“But I will,” Riley stepped in, and even though I felt like shit, I had to smile.

Wearily I raised my eyes and looked at Minou. “It’s okay. Nobody has to carry me. I can walk. I just need a minute.”

She shook her head and came towards me. “No, you can’t. Look at you.”

“Thank you very much,” I said, but I knew she was right. Daisy took me hand, and I allowed the contact for once.

“What I mean is that we need medicine, painkillers or something like that,” she said and touched her forehead.

“And where can we get them from?” Daisy asked, this time in a much calmer voice.

Minou shrugged and stared into the distance. I wasn’t sure if she would say anything else, but then she cleared her throat and shook her head. “Normally stuff like this had been delivered directly to either Hoyt or Vaas, and they kept them under wraps. So the shops in towns such as Badtown probably won’t have painkillers. Unless… Maybe the mess in hierarchy after Hoyt’s death changed that, but this was barely a week ago.” She started pacing, and I followed her with my gaze. “It’s worth a shot, but it’s likelier that we find some in private hands.”

“So what? We have to steal? But from whom? Someone in Badtown?” I asked, but she shook her head again.

“People there don’t have enough money to afford something like that,” she explained and stopped the pacing. “I guess it would be the best if some of us returned to Vaas’ compound and looked for painkillers there.”

Silence followed her statement, but I broke it quickly. “No, we won’t do that. I don’t wanna put somebody at risk, and we don’t even know where they are.”

“I may have another idea,” Keith said lowly, and all eyes were on him. He stared at the ground, and I could see him swallow nervously. “He had painkillers. He gave me some if I behaved well.”

“Who?”Minou asked, but I knew already whom he was speaking of.

“Buck,” I said and saw Keith flinch even at his name from the corner of my eye. “He has a hut near Badtown.”


	8. Moments Of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know where to start...
> 
> First, I want to thank you guys for still leaving kudos and comments on this story. I probably said it a thousand times by now, but I would be nothing without you. I can't even put into words how much it means to me everytime I see another comment or when there are new kudos. I really appreciate it!
> 
> Second, and please don't be mad at me for this: I thought about quitting this story. Because of Far Cry 4's release, I thought no one would be interested in Vaas and Jason anymore. But obviously I was wrong, and I'm really sorry about these thoughts, 'cause as long as there is interest, I will continue writing.
> 
> So, anyway... here's the next chapter. It's a little bit different than the others, with less action. I hope you like it, though. Unfortunately I can't go back to an update every week because of college, but I'll try my best to keep the story running.
> 
> Okay, and the last thing for now: Thanks for reading! You guys are really awesome :)

“I know who Buck is,” Minou said after a short pause, “I had to deal with him several times before.” She put the bag down onto the ground and got something out of it. It was a map, which she opened and laid out in front of us. “His house is not far away, you’re right. And it’s not a long way round. I don’t know if he has something there, but if not, we can check Badtown as well. This is brilliant.” She looked to each one of us and nodded. “Okay, so we go there-“

“No,” Keith interrupted and shook his head quickly. “I won’t go there.” We exchanged glances and I nodded to him, but Minou seemed to disagree with us.

“Your friend needs help desperately and you refuse to give it?” He opened his mouth, but didn’t respond. “After all he did for you? You’re a coward.”

“Stop it,” I growled, and she looked at me angrily. “I won’t drag him there. He doesn’t want to go there, okay. We split up then.” She huffed and rolled her eyes, but didn’t object. “So… two teams then? One should go to Badtown and look for supplies and painkillers. And the other…”

“Should head for the boat.” I looked at Minou, and she shrugged. “It’s our way to get off the island. I don’t know its condition. Maybe it needs to be fixed.”

I nodded quickly. “So, I guess it’s me going to Badtown, and Keith heading for the boat. Daisy, you should go with him. Maybe you can help.” She gave me a quick nod.

“I come with you,“ Riley said and came towards me, but I shook my head.

“I want you to go with the others. If anything happens…”

“No!” he objected and I sighed.

I was about to respond, when Minou stepped in. “He’s right. You guys stand out like a sore thumb. If you go to Badtown and ask for medicine, the pirates will recognize you immediately.”

“So I take it you come with me then?” I asked, and first she looked at the others, then back to me.

“You’re my insurance, because they won’t leave without you. But we will go alone. I don’t need your friends to screw everything up.” I ignored her comment and gave her a nod as she motioned Daisy to come to her. She pointed to a place on the map. “That’s the place where the boat should be. Watch out for Vaas’ pirates. He has taken over the whole area in the last days. But you can go here… and here. And there’s a cave, where you can rest and wait for us. Look here; there are a lot of tigers around. I hope you know how to deal with them. We’ll probably join you a day later. And we will meet here, understood?” Daisy nodded and Minou handed her the map. Then she looked over to me, and I gave a wince of pain when Riley helped me stand. “Give me a few minutes. I bet there is a car around here, so you don’t need to walk. And we should hurry. The sun will rise soon. And then Vaas will be right on our heels.”

* * *

 

She was right. We found a car nearby and I was really glad for it. The adrenaline had come back, and it eased the pain a little, but it would have been impossible for me to walk all the way to Badtown. Minou hid me under a blanket in the car. Unlike me, she wouldn’t attract attention, she said. We would meet with the others further in the west, in the bay where Minou hid the boat. She gave them a walkie-talkie, and we kept the other one, in case something should happen. I hoped we wouldn’t need it.

I closed my eyes while I was lying in the back of the car. It felt like Minou was driving really fast, and I was very glad for it, because it meant we would get the pills quicker. I really hoped that the others would be alright. They didn’t have much experience with the jungle, and I was worried that they might run into something dangerous. The air under the blanket was warm and stuffy, and after a while I lifted it a little bit so I could breathe better. I could see the radio tower behind us, but I didn’t know whether it was near Buck’s hut or not. We drove across several of those wooden bridges, and after some sharp bends I could feel the vehicle slow down. Footsteps came closer after the car had stopped, and I waited quietly until Minou lifted the blanket. “We’re there. Everything’s clear.” She helped me off the little truck as I stumbled, but I tried not to lean onto her too much as we limped over the front yard.

Everything still looked the same. The ugly old car was there in the middle of the place, and the cages to the right. The windows were bared and the paint was peeling from the walls. So… it would be the same in the inside, wouldn’t it? I stopped dead in my tracks. I felt Minou’s gaze on me, but I couldn’t move. “Jason? What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth, but found no words. It would be the same. There would be… “I can’t,“ I whispered, and only now I noticed that something was wrong with my breathing. It felt as if someone had closed his hand around my windpipe. I stumbled backwards and bumped against the car.

“What do you mean?” she came towards me, and I flinched, “Get a hold of yourself! If we stay here in the open, we might as well send our heads on a silver plate to Vaas!” My head was spinning and I held onto the car. From the corner of my eyes I saw Minou pacing in front of me, but then she stopped and turned. “What’s wrong?” she asked, and I thought she sounded afraid.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Then come on!”

I shook my head violently. “I can’t! It’s…” There was a flash in front of my eyes, and suddenly I saw Buck. We were circling each other, and he had the ancient knife in his hand.

_'I take you bloody if you like. I like my meet rare.’_

I attacked him first, tried to slit his throat, but he averted the blows, parried each one of them. The next moment he knocked the machete from my hands, and I watched in horror as it fell to the ground. There was something on my shoulder and I pushed it away, too late I realized that it was Minou who was touching me. I looked her in the eye. ”It’s Buck. He…” I thought of his body lying at the bottom of the stairs. Bloody, rotting. I shuddered. “I can’t go in there. His body. It’s still there…”

There was the sound of a car nearby and Minou looked around frightened. “I know,” she whispered, and her cool demeanor was completely gone. “But we have to hide!” She pulled on my clothes and I made a step forward, but my leg couldn’t carry my weight and I fell. She kept pulling as I tried to stand up, but she ended up dragging me to Buck’s hut. Groaning with pain, I let it happen, and I heard her open the door.

Maybe he wasn’t there anymore. But what if..? Suddenly I was sure he would be standing there, his corpse barely recognizable, waiting for me and closing his dead, cold hands around my throat. I gagged as the stench of death hit me, and I heard Minou cough as well. Then my vision blurred, and my head hit something hard.

* * *

 

_“Come on, please, wake up!”_

I was underwater. Everything was quiet, and when I looked up, I could see the sun glistening on the surface above me. I wondered briefly why I didn’t have to breathe, but then again I didn’t care at all. _“Jason… please…”_ I swam and swam, far away, where nobody could reach me anymore. But suddenly something grabbed me and tried to pull me up. I looked around, but couldn’t see anything. I fought against the invisible force, but it kept pulling and shaking, and the next moment I breached the surface, opened my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Oh god, Jason… thank you…” Another breath, and another, and another. The air was bad. Sticky, wet, reeking of death. “It’s okay, Jason. Keep breathing. God… I thought I've lost you… Fuck…” I looked around and tried to make sense of what was happening. “Look what I found!” Minou leaned over me and waved her hand. She held something; a small container. “I found the painkillers, and fresh bandages.”

“What happened?” I asked, and my voice sounded hoarse. I realized I was lying on the ground.

“You lost consciousness, but I couldn’t help you. I had to hide the car, so Vaas’ patrols won’t become suspicious.” I looked around, and remembered where we were. Buck’s hut. It was relatively dark; the only light came from the moonlight shining through the wooden boards. “Are you okay?” she asked with low voice.

I nodded slowly and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. “You?”

“Yeah,” she answered, but her voice was still shaking. “Here,” she handed me some of the pills, “Do you want a glass of water?”

I shook my head. “No. I won’t touch anything in here.” I sat up and swallowed the pills, then leaned against a wall and closed my eyes. I heard Minou walk through the room, but eventually she came closer and sat down beside me.

“I don’t want to, either,” she said and I furrowed my brow. When I opened my eyes, I understood that she was referring to my earlier statement. “But you have to eat something. It’s still closed… so it should be okay.” She handed me a water bottle and a can. I read its label. Chili.

I huffed, “You’re strange,” and closed my eyes again.

“Why?” I heard her use a can opener.

“One moment you don’t seem to care about anyone, and the next you make sure I eat properly. It just doesn’t make sense.” I knew my tone was harsh, but there was something bitter inside me and I couldn’t suppress it anymore. She nudged my side and handed me the opened can, before she started fumbling around with her own.

I saw her shrug in the darkness. “It’s not like Rook teaches you to be nice and friendly.”

“So you’ve grown up here?”

“Yes, and no,” she answered and reached into her can with her fingers. She started eating, and I looked at my own food. It was not like I had an appetite, especially not with this disgusting stench, but she was right. I might get better if I ate something.

“What do you mean with that?”

She looked at me. “My family came here when I was only five years old. Hoyt could not find buyers for my parents, so they killed them. My older sister should work as one of the prostitutes in Badtown, but when she tried to flee with me, they shot her too.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, but it didn’t seem to faze her much.

“I can’t remember much of them.” She shrugged.

“And what happened to you?” I put the can aside and opened the water bottle. The chili tasted like shit, but it wasn’t like I had expected anything else.

“I helped the girls in the brothel. Brought them food and water and cleaned the room after their appointments. And when I was old enough…” She smiled at me. “Don’t look at me like that. I bet your time here wasn’t that easy, either.”

I dropped my gaze. “No, it wasn’t.”

“See?” She paused for a moment, and I looked back up. She had her head tilted to the side. “Hoyt eventually took me to the South Island. Obviously he had a special interest in me. So I was working mainly for him from then on.”

“And Sam?” I asked when she didn’t continue. I could see a smile playing around her lips.

“We got along well with one another.” I held her gaze, and finally she chuckled. “He didn’t pay me, if that’s what you mean.”

“You were in love?”

She shook her head quickly. “No.” I didn’t believe her, but then she sighed and closed her eyes. “I don’t think love exists in this place. I trusted him, and that meant a lot to me. I felt good with him. I could forget the horrors of the island when I was near him.”

I had to smile. “Sounds like love to me.”

She gave me a provoking look. “Call it what you want. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again, and this time she nodded.

“He was a great man.”

“Yeah, he was.” We stayed silent for a few minutes, and I wondered how many losses people already had to suffer on the islands. My mind wandered back to Buck, but I shook my head. “So that’s why you want to leave?”

She opened her mouth, but closed it again and looked down. “Not really…,” she began, and then she turned to me and gave me piercing stare. “You must not tell anybody what I’m going to tell you now, alright?” I raised my eyebrow, but nodded. “Sam… he wanted to leave the island with me for quite a while. He was the one stealing and hiding the boat.”

“And you’re telling me he didn’t love you,” I laughed, but she shook her head.

“It was no decision out of love,” she said and met my gaze, “I’m pregnant.”

I opened my mouth, but didn’t really know what to say. I looked at her belly and wondered if I could see something. “It’s Sam’s?”

She looked at me sadly. “Either his, or…”

“Hoyt’s,” I finished, and she nodded. “Which month?”

“Third… or fourth. I don’t know. I couldn’t gather a pregnancy test. Hoyt would have gotten scent of it immediately.” She sighed. “I don’t know what he would have done to it. So Sam wanted me to get off the island.”

“Did Sam know it could be his?” She nodded slowly. After a brief pause, I cleared my throat. “What are you going to do with it?”

She clasped her hands in front of her. “I don’t know… But no matter what, I don’t want it to be raised here. So maybe now you understand why I’m more worried about my own safety than your friends’.”

I did. After a while I stretched my limbs and realized that the pain had receded. Minou was still staring at her hands, and I touched her shoulder slowly. She looked up at me, and I smiled. “I think it’s Sam’s.”

“How do you know?”

I shrugged. “You’ll probably never know whose child it is. So… I don’t know. If you assume it’s Hoyt’s, could you love it?” She shook her head slowly. “See? So I say it is Sam’s.”

She laughed and shook her head, but then she nodded and looked back to me. “Thank you.”

I took a deep breath. “We should probably get some rest before we leave,” I suggested, and l lay down on the wooden floor. I refused to even touch the sofa in the room. I heard her move beside me, and then it was quiet. “Minou?”

“Yes?” she asked, and I had to admit that she sounded as exhausted as I felt.

“If it comes out and screams ‘Blitzkrieg’, you can be sure it’s his.” I heard her laughter as I drifted off to sleep.


	9. All We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... somehow I don't know what I should tell you in these notes :D Then why am I writing them? I don't know.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and that you don't hate me for the end. Thx fot the comments and kudos. I love you all! ;)

There was a strange sensation when I woke. As if someone was sitting on my chest. I rolled to my side on the hard wooden floor and took a breath, but it was not nearly enough. I took another one and another, without really breathing out. Everything hurt, my muscles tensed. I clung to the top I was wearing.

Suddenly I saw movement before my eyes as my vision began to blur. “Jason! It’s a panic attack!” Minou was there, and she forced me onto my back again with all her strength. I couldn’t even grasp what she had said before she covered my mouth and nose with her hands, cutting off my air supply. Overwhelmed by fear I grabbed her slim arms and tried to force her off me, but she pressed down even harder. “It’s okay, Jason! Calm down! You’ll pass out if you hyperventilate.”

I buried my nails in her flesh, and the pain in my lungs got even worse. But then, after what felt like ages, she moved her hands away and my body forced me to take a breath instantly. I coughed and panted, and while I was trying to calm myself again, Minou stood up and went to the door, probably checking for pirates. I covered my eyes with my forearm and felt the tension slowly leave my body. “Fuck,” I groaned, and I heard her sigh as well. “That was not cool.”

“You can say that again,” she said, but I heard a smile in her voice. I peeked out from under my arm.

“What’s so funny?” I asked and she raised her eyes.

Shrugging, she came over to me and knelt down beside me again. “I just thought that it never gets boring around you, does it?"

I shook my head. “Unfortunately not.” I sat up slowly, moving my leg. It felt way better than before. “How long did we sleep?”

“I don’t have the precise time, but I guess it is early afternoon.”

“So Vaas already knows were gone,” I meant and she nodded.

I felt the tension come back, but tried to ignore it. She got up and helped me stand. “That’s why I suggest we leave immediately.” She got the bag from the floor and gave me the small container with the painkillers, which I put in my back pocket. “Maybe we can still use the car, so we can catch up with your friends.”

I bit my lip. “Yeah… of course, but… first there is something I have to do.” I looked to the ground and then back to her. “Go ahead. It will only take a minute.” She looked at me questioningly, but after a while she shrugged.

“Okay… I’ll be outside if you need me.” She turned to leave and I waited until she’d closed the door behind her, then I turned to the basement. My heart was thudding wildly as I walked over to it. This time I wouldn’t need a key, and Keith wouldn’t wait for me downstairs. I didn’t have Citra’s knife with me and Buck…

My hand rested on the handle. I couldn’t get myself to push it down. What if Keith was right? What if Buck’s corpse wasn’t down there? I felt as if I owed it to my friend to get proof.

And maybe I owed it to myself.

I didn’t even realize I was already descending the stairs, until the stench got so bad I had to gag. The lights were still on. How long had it been? I didn’t know. I tried to count the days we had already been on Rook… but I didn’t know anymore. I just didn’t know.

My heart kept thudding quickly in my chest, but I kept going, one hand beside me on the wall to support myself. And then I saw his feet. His naked legs. They looked like marble, the veins a greenish color. The shorts and the shirt, his stomach – all bloated, the green color also there. The wound that killed him. The tattoo. A buck. Blood. I stood at the end of the stairs and I couldn’t move, but I had to. I got closer and closer, and I felt the bile rise in my throat, and when I stood right before him I saw his bloody face move, like he was speaking. I stared in horror at it, but with a sudden shock I realized what it was.

Maggots.

Crawling out of his eye sockets, his nose, his mouth. They made him speak.

I turned and bend over, and then there was only the disgusting taste of vomit in my mouth.

I stood there, my eyes clenched shut, spit dripping from my chin to the ground. I couldn’t move. My legs were shacking and I was afraid that they wouldn’t support me any longer. Afraid that I might fall, with the maggots crawling slowly towards me.

I felt the tears run down my nose.

I would never come back from this.

* * *

 

I must have looked as bad as I felt, because when I met up with Minou in front of the hut she rushed to me immediately to catch me. We sat down hidden behind the car, so no one could see us from the road, and I couldn’t tell her what I had seen when she asked. We stayed silent, and I tried to get these images out of my head.

Maybe I would kill myself after all.

A sudden noise made the both of us flinch, and we looked at each other before I motioned to her bag. “The radio.” She fished it out and handed it to me quickly, and I listened to the static on the other end. Our eyes met again and I furrowed my brow, but then came a cracking sound, and the voice of my younger brother met my ears.

“Jason? Are you there?” he whispered, and my warning bells started ringing in my head instantly.

“Riley? Are you okay? Where are you?” Maybe Vaas had caught them. I nearly felt my resolve melting.

Another click. “Oh fuck, Jason… We need your help. They tried to shoot us. I don’t know where the others are… I don’t even know if they’re still alive… Fuck…” His voice was shaking and I stared at Minou. Her eyes were wide open.

“Calm down, Riley,” I said as firmly as I could, “Tell me what happened! Where are you?”

“I don’t know, man… We tried to get around this village, but I guess they saw us. There were gunshots and someone screamed and then we were running. I’m hiding in one of the shacks. But I don’t know about the others…”

“A village?” I asked and tried to recall the map in my head. “Not an outpost?”

“No,” he confirmed quickly. I looked at Minou and she mouthed quietly what I thought. Beras Town. I nodded.

“Okay, Riley, listen to me. Stay where you are. Don’t look for the others. I’m coming for you, okay?” I said and stood up. He couldn’t even mumble a quiet ‘Yes’ before I handed the radio back to Minou and stood up.

“Hurry up,” I said and threw myself on the passenger seat. But Minou stood just there, with the bag in her hand, staring at me. “Come on! We’ll be faster if you drive. I don’t trust my leg.” But she kept staring. I felt a cold chill run through my veins. “What?” I asked and I could hear both fear and anger in my voice. I got out of the car before she could speak again.

“Jason…”

“What?” I interrupted her forcefully and she cringed.

“I…” she looked at me. “What are you going to do?”

I shook my head. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve already escaped. If we go back now…” I heard her take a breath.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want to leave your friends behind either, but we don’t even know if they’re still alive. Maybe it’s a trap. We should just leave, head for the boat and escape from here.” I looked at her in disbelief when she stared at me pleadingly, and it needed several seconds until I had found my voice again.

“So you’re telling me I should leave them for dead? I did everything to save them, and now I... what? Let them be killed?”

Suddenly she rushed towards me and grabbed my arm. “Look at this!” she motioned to the tatau, “Yes, you did everything to save them. I heard them talking. Vaas, Hoyt and Sam. I know what you did for your friends. But you can’t always be the hero. They drag you down. And I don’t want you to get killed because of them.” She caught my gaze and I swallowed nervously. “You and I, we can make it… we can just leave this behind…”

I thought about it. For a moment I wondered what it’d be like. Leaving the island, coming home… I would say that they died, would keep telling this to myself until I would believe it. Eventually I shook my head, slowly but with determination. “They are my family. I could not even leave them if I wanted to.” She looked down, and finally she let go of me. “You’re not coming with me, then?” I asked and she shook her head.

“No… and,” she sighed, “I’m not gonna wait for you when I get to the boat.”

Our eyes met, and I wondered if she said the truth. But then I gave her a nod. “I’ll take the car. I’ll be faster this way.” I got in again, this time behind the steering wheel. “Don’t worry, we won’t be too late.” When I started the engine, she came towards me and reached her hand out. The radio. I accepted it gratefully. Our hands met for a second, and I looked her in the eye.

“Be careful,” she said.

“You too.”

* * *

 

I had never been a believer, but when I drove to Beras Town as quickly as I could, I prayed that the others would be okay. It was my fault. Because of me we had split up, and because of me my friends were in danger now. _It was my fault_.

I didn’t know how much time had passed since Riley called for my help, but the sun stood high on the sky, and I was pretty sure that this time Vaas would kill them as soon as he found them.

I arrived at the east side of the town and brought the car to a halt abruptly. In the distance I could see the mine field. I got out of the car, attached the radio to my belt and took the AK. Only now I realized that there was complete silence, and I swallowed. What if I was too late? I moved between the buildings, searched the area for the red wife beaters of the pirates, but when I didn’t see any, I took the radio from my belt.

“Riley, are you there?” I asked, but there was no answer. I bit my lip and tried it again. “Riley, please, answer.”

And this time the radio made a clicking sound, and then there was static. I waited for the voice of my brother, but it was not his. And it wasn’t Vaas’ either. “Hello, Jason. It’s really nice to hear from you again.”

My heart seemed to skip a beat, and then it was beating even faster. “Dennis? Where’s my brother?”

I heard him chuckle on the other end. “Don’t worry, Jason. He’s safe. Just as your friends. Why don’t you come join us? They would be really happy to see you.”

“Where are you?” I asked and stood up slowly.

“Just down the road. And you are being watched, so do me a favor and drop your gun. It would be a shame if there was an accident, don’t you agree?” I put down the radio and stared to the ground. Dennis… he had helped me before, but this...? He sounded strange, and I was pretty sure he was more than angry with me. I lay the rifle down, and looked around. ‘ _You are being watched_.’ I wondered if he was bluffing. Maybe I should just take the gun and storm there little… whatever it was.

Then again, maybe he told the truth.

I tried not to limp too much on my way down to the mine field. They didn’t need to know I was hurt. I couldn’t see anybody. But then I heard movement from the left and I turned quickly.

“Hands up or I’ll shoot.”

He seemed totally calm. Like he had distanced himself from his body. The gun wasn’t pointed at me, but at my little brother’s head. I lifted my hands slowly.

“Dennis,” I said, but held Riley’s gaze. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Stupid?” he laughed and for a moment I wondered, if this was actually Vaas in front of me. “I think it’s you who makes stupid decisions.”

“Where are the others?” I asked once I realized that they were not there, neither were other Rakyat.

“They ran off. Like the cowards they are. Some gunshots and they were all screaming and hiding. But your brother, he stayed. Hid pretty well, yes he did. But not well enough.” He shook his head and laughed. “Funny how you choose them over her.” Then he looked back at me, and his stare was as piercing as a knife. “You did not deserve her.”

“Let him go”, I insisted and motioned to Riley, but Dennis shook his head.

“She would have given you anything. And what did you do? You threw it away.”

“I’m sorry,” I said with more force, “But this is something between you and me. Keep him out of this.”

“It is your fault,” Dennis whispered, and the next second there were tears running down his face. “You killed her.”

I shook my head slowly, and there was a constant buzzing in my ears. “I didn’t.” _Please don’t pull the trigger_.

“Liar! It’s her blood on your hands! You killed her! You killed her!” he screamed, and I knew he was too far gone. He bared his teeth and stared at me and I thought of a tiger watching its prey. “You killed her…” he said once more, sobbing. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

And then he moved the gun and pulled the trigger.


	10. Never-ending Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 Kudos! I can't believe it: Thank you so much for staying with me. I would give cookies to all my dear readers if I could, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I read your reactions to the story in the comments :)
> 
> I hope you all loved the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter. I know I'm evil, but now you'll know what's going to happen.
> 
> Thanks for reading and leaving kudos and comments!

The shot rang through the whole town.

It rang even louder in my ears.

It happened so quickly, I couldn’t move. For one heartbeat I just stood there, my face smeared in his blood.

And then the pain kicked in, and I rushed forward, caught my brother as he fell. I stumbled and met the ground with him in my arms, and then I sat up quickly and pulled him into my lap, held fast onto him. I felt him shaking, or maybe it was me. And then he made a sound, a whimper, and I carefully took the gag out of his mouth.

“It’s okay, everything is going to be fine,” I whispered. He buried his hands in my clothes and cried, sobbed against the shirt Minou had given me. I wrapped my arms around him and felt the tears run down my face as well. I rocked him slowly, back and forth, back and forth.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

I shook my head. “It’s not your fault.” My voice was shaking, interlaced with a sob, and suddenly Riley’s face shot up and he looked at me with wide-open eyes.

“You’re crying…” I chuckled desperately and shook my head. “Of course I’m crying, you idiot. I don’t want to lose you as well,” I said and pressed him against me once more. “I thought I would lose you,” I whispered again softly.

And then we remained silent, savoring the feeling of the other one in our arms, until Riley murmured something against my chest. “How did Grant die?” he whispered, and for a moment I was reminded of my little brother standing in the doorway in the middle of the night, with pajama and teddy bear, scared by a nightmare and too afraid to go to bed again.

“Vaas shot him,” I said and felt him nod.

“I miss him…”

I tried to suppress the sob, but I couldn’t. “Me too.” I looked over to Dennis, his body lying limply on the ground, blood oozing out of the wound on his head, and I felt Riley move. He tried to follow my gaze, but I caught his face in my hands. “Don’t look. You’ve seen enough.”

“I’m not a kid anymore,” he objected and I gave him a small smile.

“I know,” I said, “but even so you don’t need to see it.” He closed his eyes and eventually he nodded. And then he rested his head on my shoulder, and I moved my hand through his hair. “I thought he was going to shoot me.”

“I know. Me too.”

He sighed. “This is horrible. I can’t…” he said and broke out in tears again. “I want to go home, Jason. I just want to go home. I wish… I wish this would have never happened. I…”

I closed my eyes. “I know. Me too. But we’ll get out of here, I promise.”

He tightened the grip he had on me. “I love you, Jason,” he said and I kissed his head with a smile.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

 

We didn’t know where the others were, so I deemed it best to search the town for things we could use in hope that the others would return before we left. I kept Riley close by the whole time. He still seemed a little bit shaken – understandably enough.

“What are we looking for?” he asked as we entered the first building.

I shrugged and tried to hide the fact that I was just hoping for the others to come back. “Weapons, food, medicine. Anything we could need.” I searched a drawer, but came up with nothing.

“What about Vaas?”

“We have to hurry,” I said after a short pause. “I’ve got a car, maybe we could still use it.” He hummed and I turned to him. He was staring into the room and I tilted my head to the side. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head slowly and turned his gaze to me. “I just don’t know… what is our plan?”

“What do you mean?”

He sat down on one of the chairs and shrugged. “If we don’t find the others… are we going to leave them?”

I furrowed my brow. “I don’t know. I mean, I hope we’ll find them, but we can’t search the whole island. If we –“ The static on the radio interrupted me, and I looked down at my belt. “Speak of the devil,” I said and smiled, but I saw Riley shake his head from the corner of my eye.

“That can’t be them. Dennis took the other walkie-talkie from me.”

“But who-?”

“Ja~son,” his voice made my skin crawl, “Hey, come on White Boy, I know you’re there. I want to talk to you. So be a good boy and answer me.”

Riley leaned forward on his chair and shook his head. “How does he know…” he whispered, even though Vaas couldn’t hear us. I took the radio in my hand and looked at it, unmoving, while I tried to calm myself. This was no surprise. Of course he knew we were gone. And he must have known that two of the radios where missing, so he had just put one and one together. That did not necessarily mean that he knew where we were.

At least that’s what I told myself.

I pushed the button on the side of the radio down. “Fuck off, Vaas,” I said and tried to let my voice sound calm and strong, even though my heart was racing. I turned my back to Riley and closed my eyes.

“And here I was, thinking I’ve taught you a lesson, Jason.” I swallowed nervously, and suddenly paranoia made itself known. I motioned for Riley to barricade the door, and he dragged his chair over and bared it. Before I could say anything else, he got to the windows and closed the blinds. Then it was completely dark, and the only sound was our breathing. “So, Jason, where are you?”

I snorted. “As if I would tell you.”

I heard Vaas chuckle on the other end. “Yeah, I thought so. And how are things? Is everyone alright?”

I didn’t answer right away. Maybe he had caught them, maybe he didn’t know we got separated. I pondered my words carefully before I responded. “We’re alright. Listen, just let us leave. I won’t kill any more of your men and in return you let us go home. Give us one day, and we’ll be gone, I promise. You’ll be rid of me.”

I waited for him to say something. It seemed like hours until he spoke again. “I can’t do this.” I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course it wouldn’t be this easy. “But I guess we could work out a deal here.” My heart skipped a beat. And then I saw Riley move closer and felt his gaze on me. ‘Don’t do this,’ he said, but I ignored him.

“What kind of deal?”

Another pause. I remembered my mother. ‘If there’s a door-to-door salesman on your doorstep, don’t open. Once he’s inside, you won’t get rid of him until you bought something.’

“I can’t let you go, Jason. You know this.” It felt as if the weight on my shoulder got even heavier. But he was right. I knew this. “Your stupid friends can leave. I don’t care about them. But I want you.” I let out the breath I had been holding, was about to agree – “And the name of the traitor.”

I froze. “What?”

“I know someone had helped you. You’re good, Jason, but not this good. I want his name.” I opened my mouth. She didn’t care about us, or at least my friends and brother. It should be easy. But I thought about Sam. I imagined him holding his baby in his arms.

And then I swallowed.

I felt Riley’s hand on my arm.

I blinked, and saw him shake his head in the darkness. “If you stay here, I won’t leave,” he said.

I pressed the button. “I can’t.”

“I give you one more chance, Jason,” he said, and it sounded as if he’d go nuts. I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Maybe I should…

Riley took the radio from my hands. Slowly, carefully, as if I was made out of glass. I certainly felt like it. And then, all of the sudden, he threw it against the wall. I heard it bursting, and then there was silence. “Fuck,” he sighed.

“Yeah… I know.”

“We should leave.”

I nodded.

* * *

We left the car behind, afraid we would attract too much attention. Also we had a greater chance to find the others if we walked. Riley asked about Minou, and I just told him that she already went ahead, to make sure the boat was okay. No need to scare him with the thought that she would leave without us.

We were ready to hit the road when we discovered the next problem. I had not seen where Minou had pointed when she told us about where the boat was hidden. Riley had seen, but without a map he couldn’t guide us. I suggested heading west and figure out something on our way. Better than staying here, anyway.

We encountered some pirates, but nothing we couldn’t sneak past. I had to admit that Riley and I were a pretty good team, and we made up the time we had lost quite easily. Nightfall came, but we were still moving. I swallowed the pills like they were nothing, to keep the pain at bay, but hunger and thirst made us both feel miserable. I kept pushing us, though. She must not leave without us.

Eventually we came across an abandoned town. It was dark already and much harder to see anything before our eyes. We decided to rest there for a few hours. With the AK raised we walked between the buildings. Everything was quiet besides our footsteps on the ground, and I rounded the corner of one of the houses. I tried the door, but it was shut. Riley gave me a confused look and I shrugged, trying it again with much more force. It wouldn’t budge, so I handed him the gun and stepped back, and then I threw my whole weight against it. I felt the lock busting and the door give way, and the next moment I found myself lying at the floor.

I groaned in pain and turned to the side, leaning onto one arm to stand up. But then I heard Riley’s fearful ‘No!’ and when I looked up, I stared at the business end of a gun.

Maybe I had gone mad, but I couldn’t even muster the strength to be afraid.

My gaze went higher.

I stared at Keith. And he stared back. A second went by, even though it felt much longer, and suddenly realization hit him and he lowered the gun quickly. I looked through the room. Everyone was there, giving me bewildered glances.

Then the mood shifted, and they jumped to their feet, obviously happy to see us again.

Keith said something. I saw his mouth move.

I couldn’t hear him though. There was only the loud roaring in my ears and the rage rushing through my system.

‘I have to be mad,’ I thought as I jumped up and lunged at him. I went for his throat and we hit to the ground with a heavy thump, and before anybody could step in, I had drawn my fist back and punched him in the face. “You left him behind,” I screamed and dealt another blow. “You left my brother to die!” I heard a woman’s scream – probably Daisy’s – as I hit him again, but then someone caught me around my middle and pulled me off him.

I thrashed against the hold, all pain forgotten, tried to loosen the grip this someone had on me. From the corner of my eye I saw Ollie’s blond mane as he held me back from ripping Keith a new one.

But then I realized that something was wrong.

Keith wasn’t even fighting back.

It was not the first time we had fought. One time we had both been taken to the hospital, bloody and exhausted. I didn’t even remember what we had been fighting about, but I knew that by the time they had taken care of our wounds, we had been best friends again.

Now he just lay there, his lip split, and he kept staring at me from the ground. I looked back at him, took a deep breath, and relaxed in Ollie’s hold. The anger wasn’t gone entirely, but beating the shit out of Keith wasn’t going to help. Daisy knelt down next to him and helped him stand, as Ollie slowly let go of me. He stayed beside me, maybe afraid that I would attack them again. Keith wiped the blood from his face and looked to my brother, and there was something in his stare that I could not quiet decipher. “Listen, we didn’t want to leave him, okay? But it wasn’t like we had a choice. These guys were shooting at us and we just kept running. It was only when we had left them far behind that we realized that Riley wasn’t with us. We wanted to go back, but…”

“You didn’t want to risk your life for him,” I interrupted him, and my voice sounded strangely calm. I saw Keith flinch at my words, as if I’d hit him again. Shaking my head I turned my back to them, and my eyes met Riley’s. He looked lost in thought, but then he shrugged and it was gone.

“You know Riley is like a brother to me,” he began but I laughed scornfully.

“For a brother,” I said and turned back to him, “You should have come back. Don’t tell me this shit.”

“It’s not his fault,” Daisy cut me off. She looked over to Riley, while she kept fumbling with her hands, probably out of guilt. “We were all running, not only Keith. Nevertheless you’re right, Jason. We should have come back for him.” She raised her eyes and went over to Riley, pulling him into an embrace. “I’m sorry,” I heard her whisper, and he nodded as he buried his head in the crook of her neck.

When they moved apart he smiled at her. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” I said and everyone looked at me. I straightened myself and met each gaze with my own slowly. “Let me tell you one thing: if you’ll ever leave Riley behind again,” I said, and I heard Vaas laugh in my ear loudly, “I will make sure no one of you leaves this island.” I didn’t wait for a response as I left the building and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

 

_“Jason?” I stared into the darkness, not moving. I heard the sound of the sheets thrown back, then the soft noise of his naked feet on the wooden floorboards. He appeared in front of me, grabbing my shoulders. “Are you okay?”_

_“Grant…” I whispered and my voice broke. There were so many thoughts in my head, but I could not put them in words, until he pulled me against his chest. We stood there for a while, my arms hanging limply on my sides, and I closed my eyes tiredly. “What if he comes back?”_

_“Who?” he asked lowly and I stepped back, raising my eyes. I could only make out his silhouette in the dim light, but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was frowning._

_“The man who killed dad.” I heard him sigh._

_“Jason… dad has not been murdered,” he whispered, “He killed himself.”_

_I did not really understand what that meant, but I did not want to know either. “Why should he do this?”_

_Grant moved closer, hugged me again. “I don’t know.” He moved back and held me at arm’s length. “Come on, J, why don’t you sleep here tonight?”_

Maybe I had overreacted. I didn’t know anymore, and everything that happened on the island made me lose control more and more. I sat in front of the house, keeping watch for the pirates and enjoying the warm night air, trying to regain my composure.

I felt uneasy. Maybe I should apologize. Then again the last bit of my sanity told me that I was right and that they should be afraid of my threat so they would make sure that Riley was with them when they entered-

I stopped my thoughts. They? Why not ‘we’? When did I decide not to go on board with them?

I turned my head as I heard the door being open. I expected to greet Riley or maybe even Daisy, but I sat up straight when I caught sight of Liza in the darkness. She looked down at me, sighed, and sat down beside me on the ground. “Good evening,” she whispered, but stared into the distance.

I tilted my head to the side, watched a strand of her hair fall over her face. “Hey…”

We stayed silent, the only sounds coming from the animals hidden deep in the jungle. I looked up into the sky and saw the stars, and I remembered better times when dad had showed me the constellations.

“It could be really nice here,” Liza whispered, and I was startled for a second because we had been silent for so long. “I mean, you know, without people wanting to kill us.”

“Yeah,” I agreed and felt stupid for not being able to make small talk. I cleared my throat, tried to think about something to talk about. Heat rose in my cheeks as I realized that the last time we had spoken to each other I had broken up with her.

She seemed to read my mind when she turned to look at me and furrowed her brow slightly. “I miss you, Jason.” I stared at her, still dumbfounded. What was I supposed to tell her? My thoughts must have shown on my face, because she laughed quietly, although it seemed a little sad. “You don’t have to say anything. I know that you’ve been through so much… and I’m sorry I was so… you know.”

I shook my head slowly. “No. I’m sorry. I guess I shouldn’t have down what I did.”

“You guess?” she asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong,” I leaned my head against the wall behind me, “I ask myself what I’d do different if I had the chance. But I don’t know.”

This time, the silence was even heavier, until I heard Liza shift beside me. “You should do it the same way,” she said and I looked at her questioningly. She stared at the ground for a second, and then she shrugged. “I mean, you saved us all. And not just once. You did everything right.”

“But I hurt you,” I said, and I felt guilt gnaw at my consciousness when I looked at her and saw the sadness drawn on her face. Without thinking I reached forward, caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch, and I moved my thumb over her lips. She had dirt smeared all over her face, but I probably didn’t look any better myself. Finally I leaned forward, captured her lips with mine, and she wrapped her arms quickly around my neck.

We ended up on the ground, moving against each other, kissing, licking, biting. I rolled us over, pinned her under my weight, my hands moving under her shirt and then under her bra, palming her breasts while I kept sucking at her tongue. Liza wrapped her legs around my middle, pulling me against her. I was about to take my shirt off, when suddenly the loud bang of the door crashing into the wall made us jump.

At the door appeared Ollie, and he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. His gaze moved quickly between us, but it wasn’t our situation that caused him to grow pale. “Jason, fuck, you have to come!” He opened and closed his mouth several times, and then he shook his head. “It’s Keith. He wants to kill himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I realized that I end the chapter with another cliffhanger. Oops!
> 
> I really hate this chapter, but I don't know why. I hope it wasn't too bad, though :) Until next time..!


	11. Fight Or Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this will probably be really long notes.  
> First, I want to apologize for not updating sooner. I planned to do it earlier this week, but on Tuesday I received a message saying that a classmate from my school had died, and I had some problems with processing the shock. So I hope you understand.  
> Second, I hope you're not mad at me for this chapter. I'll explain this more precisely at the end of the chapter, so I won't give anything away right now.  
> And the third, as always, thank you guys fot the comments and kudos! They really helped to cheer me up and made me keep writing. I'm pleased about every feedback I get from you!  
> And finally, because I know how much you love my cliffhangers *evil grin* I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading! <3

I jumped to my feet and stormed past Ollie into the building. The others were nowhere to be seen, and I rushed to the second room around the corner. I spotted Daisy, standing in the doorway, her mouth covered with her hands. She stared at something in front of her, and I pushed her gently to the side, entering the room.

Riley stood there as well, reaching his arms out as if he wanted to catch something. He stared at Keith, who sat on a sofa, a revolver in his hands and tears on his cheeks. A flashback hit me, and suddenly I was staring at my father, his face – or what was left of it - blood-smeared, dark stains on the wall behind him, tiny pieces of his brain everywhere in the room.

“Fuck off!” Keith’s shout echoed through the room. He waved the gun in front of him.

I swallowed, shook my head, closed my eyes. _Not now._ I forced my body and mind to calm down, gently grabbing Riley by his shoulders. “Leave,” I said and tried to shove him out, but he braced his feet against the floor.

“What?”

“You heard him,” I hissed and gathered my strength to finally get him out of the room. He still fought against my grip. “Daisy,” I called and she seemed to wake from her stupor. “Make sure he doesn’t come in there.” She rushed towards us and touched his arm, being all calm and gentle, like always. He seemed to calm down a little and I let go off him quickly, turning back to Keith.

“He’s your friend!” I heard my brother call as I went back. “He made a mistake. But you can’t let him kill himself!” I shut the door in his face.

Keith still sat on the bed, the heels of his hands pressed against his closed eyelids. “Get out!” he sobbed, and I took a chair from the nearby desk, dragged it along with me and sat down in front of him. My palms were covered in sweat, but I tried my best to look as calm as possible. I made myself comfortable, kept my mind on my breathing, and for a while there was no other sound besides that and Keith’s quiet crying. Everything else seemed so far away, and it was too much effort to hold onto the thin straps of reality. Something like an electric shook went through my body as I realized that these were maybe the last minutes I could spent with my friend. I heard him sigh, and then he raised his head and our eyes met. His face was red and puffy, with wet streaks over his cheeks. The revolver was still in his hand, but he didn’t pay attention to it anymore.

“You’re not trying to stop me?” he asked, and there was so much sorrow and despair in his voice, that my heart felt as if it’d dropped to the ground.

“No,” I answered and shook my head.

He lowered his gaze and stared to the ground. “I get it,” he said, but it didn’t sound angry, “If I were in your spot, I would probably hate me to.”

“I don’t hate you. And this has nothing to do with what happened with Riley. On the contrary,” I explained and he looked back at me. He furrowed his brow, and I exhaled slowly. “You know how much you mean to me, Keith. You and Ollie are my best friends. But... that’s the point. You mean enough to me that I won’t drag you across the island back to a life you maybe don’t even want to live. I can understand that after all the things you have seen and been through… that you don’t want to keep going. And I won’t make you,” I finished, and then my voice was gone. My eyes were burning, and Keith looked as if he would burst into tears again any second .

He turned the revolver in his hands. “Then why are you here?” He asked, and it was not more than a whisper.

“So you don’t have to go through with it alone. I’ll be at your side when you do it, and after it I’ll make sure that you’re really… that you don’t end as a cripple.” I forced myself to smile, and suddenly the tension made us laugh. He shook his head as fresh tears flowed down his face.

“You shouldn’t have to do this…”

“But I would,” I said. I rolled my shoulders and flexed my fingers. We went silent again, and I could nearly see him think. I missed the times when it had been easier. Hard to believe that this was only a few weeks ago. I must have said this out loud, because Keith nodded.

“Yeah, me too.” He turned the gun again in his hands.

I leaned forward on my chair, and a heavy sigh escaped my lips. “Keith…” I whispered, and he looked at me. “If you don’t want to do this… if you have any doubts about it… you don’t have to do it. We’re here for you. I promise you that overcoming all this shit that happened here will be fucking hard, that it will bring you to your limits. But I believe that you can endure this,” he shook his head, but I kept going, “You made it this far…”

He locked his eyes on the ground, and I wasn’t sure if I had convinced him or not. “How do you do it?” he whispered all of the sudden, and it was so soft that I nearly didn’t hear him. “How do _you_ keep going?”

I opened my mouth, but closed it again. This was a good question, and I had asked myself this several times on the island. But this was the first time that I knew the answer. “I guess I don’t want to let them win.” Keith furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side, and I shrugged. “Vaas, Hoyt, Buck… if I killed myself, they would have won. They would have defeated me. And I don’t want to give them this satisfaction… This probably sounds really stupid.”

“It doesn’t,” he said after a while, and then he looked at the revolver and handed it to me. I nodded as I took it from him and put it in the back of my pants. “This was the plan all the time, wasn’t it?” he laughed nervously.

“No,” I admitted with a chuckle and he lifted his brow. “But I’m glad it worked.”

I stood up, but he took my hand. “Jason? Would you promise me something?” I sat down again slowly and he let go of my hand, wiping away his tears instead. “If they capture us again, I want you to shoot me. I cannot do this again. You have to promise me that.” He stared at me expectantly.

I felt my heartbeat quicken. “Under one condition. In return you have to promise me that if we make it to that boat, you will take Riley with you. No matter what happens to me, you have to make sure he arrives back home safely.” We stared at each other, and finally he nodded.

* * *

 

We were greeted with a strange silence when we joined the others again, but it was quickly replaced by relief. For a second I felt something similar to pride course through me for saving Keith when Riley smiled at me. But the happiness didn’t last long, ‘cause even though we were all tired, hungry and exhausted, I demanded that we set off immediately.

We used the cover of the night to travel farther west. They asked for Minou, but I told them the same lie I did Riley. They didn’t seem to dwell on it, and I was sure they were relieved that she wasn’t with us. I was hoping that she hadn’t left already, or that she got caught by Vaas’ men. I felt responsible for her since she had told me about the baby. Sam was dead because of me, and I owed it to him to protect his child at least.

We kept close to the shore. Dawn was breaking when we reached the next outpost, and we sneaked past it without being seen. We thought that we had made it, but then we came upon two more pirates, loading one of their trucks with cargo. I shot a glance at them, but kept moving, until Ollie grabbed my arm and pointed at the truck. “Jason, look!” he said and I turned back to them.

“What?”

I wondered if he saw something I couldn’t when a bright smile appeared on his face. “We could use it! Look, it’s tarped-off. One of us could drive and the others would hide in the back. That’s brilliant!”

I didn’t know if we should take the risk. Every pirate we came across was a threat to our escape plan, and if we attacked them it would be even more dangerous. But Ollie was right. We would be faster with the truck.

I bit my lip. “You think we could..?”

“Of course,” he whispered, and it sounded a little like cheering. He turned to Keith. “What do you think?”

He crouched down beside us and shrugged. “It’s just the two of them. I think we could overpower them without making too much noise... So, what are we to do, Jason?”

I arched my eyebrows. “Why do I have to decide?”

“You’re something like our leader,” Ollie grinned at me, “if you say ‘no’, we won’t do it.”

I wondered why they were so euphoric about it, until one thought crossed my mind. If we got this truck, we would be at the boat within maybe two or three hours. We were so close.

I nodded and motioned for us to go around them. We crossed the road while they were loading the truck and hid behind the leaves and bushes. I felt the adrenaline pump through my veins as we approached them from behind.

“-evrything’s going to shit here. Without Hoyt the trade will come to halt, and with Snow White on the run it will get even worse. Vaas won’t get anything done until he gets him, with his crazy obsession over Brody.” I looked at the pirate who was speaking, and then back at Ollie and Keith. We exchanged glances, and I motioned for them to sneak around the truck.

“Don’t let him hear that,” the other one answered, and lifted a crate off the ground. “You wanna hear what I think? The faster we get Brody, the earlier things will get back to normal. And I bet there’ll be a reward for the one bringing Snow White back to Vaas.”

“What do you think the boss will do to him?” I heard a snort.

“I don’t know, but I’d like to see it.”

“Yeah, but for that we’ll have to find him first.”

“You won’t have to look for long,” I said and came into view. They dropped what they had held in their hands immediately and reached for their weapons, but right in this moment my guys came from behind and lunged at the pirates. Keith wrapped his arm around one’s throat, strangling him, while Ollie smashed the other’s head with a huge stone in his hand. I watched with a sort of sick satisfaction as both of Vaas’ men slid to the ground.

There was a moment of silence between the three of us, until I heard footsteps from behind and turned to see the others coming to us. I cleared my throat nervously. “Hide the bodies,” I said to Ollie and Keith, “And the rest, get in the truck.”

“Maybe the drivers should take their clothes, so the other pirates won’t recognize us when we drive past them,” Daisy suggested, and I nodded slowly. I would have never thought about that.

“Good idea,” I said and limped towards one of the bodies, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

“Do you really think _you_ should be the one driving? The most wanted guy on the whole island?” Liza asked, and I saw the fear in her eyes.

“She’s right,” Ollie came to her help right as I opened my mouth to object. “They will recognize you immediately. I’ll do it.”

“Me too,” Riley came forward, but before I could say anything, Keith shook his head.

“No, you’ll go in the back with you brother.” I gave him a grateful look and he nodded, but Riley frowned at him.

“But I want to help!”

“And you do,” Keith insisted calmly and placed his hands on my brother’s shoulders, careful to avoid the wound. “If something happens, you have to be ready to defend Liza and Daisy together with Jason, okay? And-,“ he smiled at me, “you have to make sure your brother won’t do anything stupid, you hear?” He didn’t seem convinced, but finally Riley dropped his gaze and moved past me to get into the truck. Keith sighed, and we looked at each other.

“Okay,” I said, and saw that Oliver had already changed clothes and was currently dragging his guy into the bushes. “Where do we have to go, exactly?”

Daisy came up to me, pulling the map out of her pocket. “Here,” she said and pointed to a bay in the north of the island. I took it from her and spread it out on the ground once Ollie and Keith joined us.

“The road ends here,” I explained and tried to remember the area. I traced the route with my finger. “We have to walk from there on, but it shouldn’t be far. Watch out here, there is an outpost. If you see pirates, try to behave normally. If there are Rakyat… I don’t know, step on the gas or something.” I heard Ollie chuckle.

“I will happily run them over.”

“No, you won’t,” I answered but smiled nevertheless. “We came so close, we won’t take any risks.”

They tied the pirates’ bandanas around there heads and got into the driver’s cap, while the rest of us hid in the back behind the crates. Riley, Keith and I had taken the guns, while Ollie drove the truck.

I leaned my head against a crate and stared at the tarp. The rhythmical movements of the car made me feel drowsy and I looked to the others to see if they felt the same. My gaze fell on Riley, who was staring at the ground as if it had insulted him. I groaned inwardly, but didn’t let it show. “I know you could have done it,” I said and broke the silence. His eyes shot up, and I could see the hurt shimmering in them. “I trust you. But I have already seen Grant die." I… I had tried to stop the bleeding after the bullet had hit him. There was blood everywhere, and it happened so fast.” I remembered the shock, the cold in my body, and I could nearly see him lying on the ground before me. Daisy covered her mouth with her hand, and Riley stared at me with wide open eyes. _This may be cruel_ , I thought, _but it will keep him from risking his life_. “It happened so fast,” I repeated quietly, “that there wasn’t even time to say goodbye. I don’t even know what they did to his body…”

“Jason,” he said, and I realized that there were tears in his eyes.

I shook my head. “No, you will listen! Losing one brother is already more than enough. I won’t let that happen to you, too. I have done so many things to save you all, I took so much pain, killed so many men. You don’t even know what Vaas did to me, what I had to suffer,” I growled, anger running through my body like hot oil, “And I give a shit about your sulking, and I give a shit about it if you hate me, as longs as it keeps you safe.”

The silence that followed was nearly deafening in my ears. I knew that this was a lie, that in fact _it did_ matter to me what my little brother thought of me, and that I didn’t want to die on this island knowing I had disappointed him. Then again, if it was easier for him to leave me behind this way, I would have no regards for his feelings.

“I don’t hate you…” he said quietly and interrupted my thoughts. “I’m sorry if I made you feel this way.” He avoided my gaze, and in this moment I felt like shit for shouting at him. I could see the tears still shimmering in his eyes, and suddenly I realized that I was not the only one who had lost his brother. Riley had suffered as well. He had taken pain that no one in his age should, and he had seen things which would hunt his sleep his whole life. He was scared, and how did I react? By shouting at him like a maniac. I sighed and buried my face in my hands. This was fucked up. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. What had the island done to me?

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t,” I was about to apologize when I realized that something was wrong. I looked over the crates outside and furrowed my brow. “Why are we slowing down?” Quickly I stood up and pulled the tarp a little bit to the side. First I saw nothing special, only the bushes and trees of the jungle, but then I spotted the outpost ahead, and four or five of Vaas’ men coming towards the truck. “Fuck”, I swore and let go of the tarp.

“What’s wrong?” Riley asked. He was already on his feet.

“Pirates,” I said, turned to Liza and Daisy and told them to hide between the boxes.

“Maybe they will wave us through?” Riley asked, but I shook my head. Another glance outside. The truck was standing now and they were still approaching us.

“They know it. And even if not, Ollie’s hair color is standing out to much for them _not_ to realize who we are. Come on, help me with that,” I said and we shoved two of the crates together for us to find cover behind them.

“What’s the plan?” Riley asked once we had hidden.

I took the revolver I had taken from Keith and checked the ammo. “Depends.”

“On what?”

It was still fully loaded. Good. I put it back in my pocket. “If they shoot Ollie and Keith or not.”

“You think they would do this?” he asked with a scared expression.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know”, I whispered and heard the pirates’ footsteps on the stony ground. “Hold on to something,” I said quietly, “Maybe they’ll try to drive off.” They didn’t though, and after a while I could hear their rough voices at the front of the truck. I couldn’t understand what they said, but I prayed that they wouldn’t harm either of my friends. The voices got louder, and I heard the door of the car open. ‘ _Fuck_ ’, I thought, ‘ _they’d recognized them_.’ I readied myself for gunshots, but they never came. I breathed out in relief and realized that my hands were ice-cold.

I looked over to Riley. He had a horrified expression on his face, and I touched his shoulder slowly. “It’s okay,” I whispered and he nodded slowly. “They will probably check in here now. On my sign we’ll lean over the crates and shoot, understood?”

He shook his head, and I saw him swallow nervously. “I don’t know if I can do this…”

_‘Oh god. I can’t do this Grant!’_

_I saw him before me, gently grabbing my arms._

“ _Look at me_ ,” I said and turned to Riley, “ _I can’t get us out of here without you. So… pull it together, okay_?”

His eyes were glassy, but then he nodded. “Okay…”

“Good.” I heard them move to the back. I peeked around the corner of the crate, and right when I saw the first flash of red in my vision, I pulled my head back. I looked at Riley.

“Three”, I mouthed.

“Two.”

“One!”

I leaped up - two of them, their guns not even raised - and shot the first one in the chest. I heard a shout, the pirate fell, and more gunshots from beside me and the front of the truck. The second pirate, a round of bullets fired in his stomach from Riley’s gun. I rushed forward, killed him with a shot to the head. “Stay there,” I shouted to my brother as I jumped from the truck. My vision blurred around the edges when the pain from the snakebite shot up my leg, but I kept running, rounded the car. The first thing I saw was Ollie lying on the ground, clutching his stomach, with Keith hunched over him. “What happened?” I asked once I reached them and crouched down beside him. Another two pirates were lying on the ground next to him.

“Nothing,” Ollie said and tried to sit up, but then he paled and slumped down again.

His shirt was coated in red, and when I pulled it up, fresh blood oozed out of the wound. “One of the guys got him…” Keith said and stared at me with a blank expression.

“Don’t move,” I said to Ollie and called Riley to us. He jumped out of the truck, froze for a second, and then he rushed to us. He looked as shocked as I felt. I looked at him and Keith. “Get him in the truck. You have to keep pressure to the wound. Keep his temperature normal. Make sure he breathes and has a pulse,” I instructed as they lifted him of the ground. He cried out, and the stain on his shirt got even darker. “Try to build something out of crates so we can carry him. Or take the tarp. Stop the bleeding!” I repeated.

I flinched when I heard the alarm of the nearby outpost go off. They were coming for us. I sprinted to the driver’s cab and got in, pulling the door closed behind me. The alarm was still going, and I turned the key in the ignition and stepped on the gas.

_‘Run Forest, run!’_

* * *

 

The first time I had been eye to eye with a tiger, I had been really terrified. It had been like an electric shock coursing through my whole body, calling for action – fight or flight.

And I had fought. Like I did with so many pirates, privateers, Buck, Hoyt.

The difference between Vaas and the others? I had not killed him.

And now he was at my throat, roaring, nearly burying his sharp teeth in my flesh.

I swallowed hard, focused my attention on the side mirror. In the distance I could see a car approaching, with a lot more speed than the truck could ever muster. I hoped that the others would hold on to something, because this would get nasty.

' _What kind of man are you?’ Citra whispered into my ear.  
_

At the moment? A really desperate one.

I had experienced many strange things on Rook, and again I felt as if I was watching myself from the outside when the other car came up close to the truck’s left side and I yanked the steering wheel around, crashing into the pirates. It spun out of control quite easily, and I watched it smash into a tree at the side of the road, smoke and fire erupting from the hood upon the impact.

It felt like I was drugged again, time flowing around me without any meaning. Too late I realized that we’d soon reach the hideout, and I had not yet worked out a plan about how to get to the bay. I checked the mirrors, and I wondered why there were no more pirates in sight. Maybe Vaas had given up. Maybe he would let us leave.

Or maybe he was hauling out the big guns.

I could see the sea through the window. We were this close. But that didn’t mean anything. We had been closer already. I checked the mirror again, and when I couldn’t see anything, I jammed on the brakes and pulled the truck over to the side of the road.

My heart was in my throat as I opened the door, hopped down onto the ground and rounded the truck. “We have to walk from here on,” I called before I even reached the back. “Hurry, I don’t know how much time we have until the reinforcements come for us.” I got into the loading area, caught sight of my friends, but no one was moving. I stared at them, and they stared back, but still they made no move to get up or anything. Didn’t they realize what was at stake? A mixture of anger and fear made his way through my body, and it took all my strength not to yell at them. “Come on, guys! We’ve nearly made it…”

“Jason..?” Liza’s soft voice nearly made me jump, and suddenly all anger was gone. All that remained was the fear, and the lingering feeling that I knew what had happened, without really knowing it. Only now I realized the tears on their faces, the blank expressions. _What happened?_ Only now I noticed that the others sat around something – _or someone_.

My mind screamed at me to run, to get away from the moment of understanding, but I couldn’t move. I stared at one of the crates and tried to force the thought out of my head. _This couldn’t… It just…_ “We have to leave…” I whispered again. _Denial_. “We have to –“

I had not even noticed her coming closer, until Liza took my ice-cold hand in hers. She pulled me with her, slowly, to the back of the loading area. _This could not be. It was impossible._ I nearly felt the blood running through my veins, together with that strange tingling. My mouth was dry, no air in my lungs. My knees felt weak, and I thought that my legs might give out any second. “No…” I whispered and tried to loosen the grip she had on my hand, but it seemed that all strength had left me.

I heard her say something, _‘I’m sorry_ ,’ but it was miles away. I shook my head, kept fumbling with her hand until she released me and I could pull back. I stumbled backwards, felt like a deer caught in the headlight. “No,” I said and shook my head again, avoiding seeing what she had tried to show me. “We have to keep moving _. Now!_ ” Without looking back I jumped out of the truck.

* * *

 

I wanted to leave, to make a quick getaway, but I couldn’t. I bit the back of my hand so hard that it forced tears between my closed eyelids, or maybe it was not the physical pain at all. When I heard them come closer, I wiped my face and stood straight. There would be time for weakness later, but not now.

I turned around and faced them.

_Seven people made that jump from that plane._

_Only five were left._

_And only four would leave the islands._

“Hurry,” I yelled and made my way through the undergrowth in the direction of the coast. I was nearly running, even though my injured leg was hurting like hell.

_Please, Minou, don’t be gone…_

I slowed my step, pulled the revolver from the back of my pants as the others caught up with me. Six bullets. If the boat wasn’t there anymore, I would shoot them. And then I would kill myself.

Daisy passed me and walked up ahead. There were fewer and fewer trees, and I could see the cliffs already. “Come on,” I whispered, more to myself than anyone else.

I felt someone take my hand. It was Riley, and when I looked into the eyes of my younger brother, the only one I had left, I asked myself if I could shoot him. I sent another hurried prayer heavenwards.

_Please let it still be there…_

I stepped on hard ground. We had reached the cliffs. My heart was pounding in my throat as I released Riley’s hand, walked up to Daisy, who stood at the edge, and looked down to the sea. There was a small shoreline, and a lot of water.

Water.

Water.

_And more water._

I kept staring at the waves, my mind completely blank. I couldn’t… This…

“Maybe we’re not at the right place…” I heard Liza whisper. I took a deep breath. Keith and Riley joined us.

I knew the pirates would still be after us, and I had to hurry.

‘ _It’s okay_ ,’ I tried to calm myself, ‘ _This will be over soon._ ’

Taking a few steps back I drew the gun again. _This isn’t happening_ … They were all lined up at the edge of the cliff, looking for something that wasn’t there, no one even paying attention to me when I raised my arm.

_It would be so easy…_

My hand was shaking when I aimed for Riley’s head.

‘ _You are so fucked, Jason. C’mon pull the trigger._ ’

I took a deep breath through my nose, gritting my teeth.

‘ _C’mon motherfucker. Pull the trigger! Let’s go, shoot me_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few words I want to say about this. I didn't plan the chapter to be this long, but I guess you don't mind, do you?
> 
> The pace is much faster than in the last chapters, because honestly (when I was still writing the first chapters) I planned on the group being gone from the island much earlier. I like how it played out though, because I really love to write about Jason interacting with his friends, and a lot of things changed in my mind when it comes to them leaving the island.
> 
> The next thing is that I keep working with flashbacks a lot. I don't know what you think about them, but I really like them. Especially the one when Jason tells Riley to calm down in the truck, because he used the exact same words Grant had used when they were escaping Vaas' camp in the beginning of the game. If you don't like it though, tell me, and I won't do it anymore.
> 
> "Seven people made that jump from that plane." I know about Vincent, but he wasn't a part of the game (at least not on the island), so he won't be part of that story either.
> 
> And now, Ollie's death. I really hope your not mad at me for it. I didn't plan on letting him die from the wound when I thought about the chapter, but I guess it was something that had to happen. For those of you who might be angry - I'm sorry. I thought a long time about letting him die or keeping him alive, and it was neither a quick nor an easy decision, and I hope you're still with me after this.  
> Also Jason will have his time to grief, but not right now.
> 
> So... no boat, hm? Did Minou lie to them or leave them behind? It doesn't matter, I guess, because either way Jason has to make sure that Vaas won't get another chance to hurt his loved ones...


	12. Hitting The Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read! :)
> 
> First things first. My exams are just around the corner, so I don’t know when the next update will come. I try to write every day, but the time I don’t spend in the university – I’m studying. And after such a long day I’m often not in the mood for anything else (that’s what she… nah ;)). So I guess there won’t be another update until the exams are over, and that’s in mid-March. Again, I’m really sorry, but in compensation for it this chapter is twice as long as my chapters are normally. I promise this story will go on, I just don’t know when.
> 
> And for all of you don’t wanna read my rambling about how awesome you guys are, you came skip the notes now and start reading ;)
> 
> Anybody still there? Ah, hey, nice talking to you :D
> 
> I can’t repeat it often enough, but your comments really help me keep writing. Even though I don’t reply to them directly, I read every single one of them and I take it to heart what you think. Especially after the last comments I was really sorry I couldn’t update sooner, but as I wrote before, the exams keep me busy. Honestly I didn’t even plan another update after the last chapter, but you guys made me wanna write so hard that I had to post more :D
> 
> So, thank you guys for reading!
> 
> And yeah, I know this is a Vaason-story without Vaason – but we’ll get there, I swear! :D

_‘Let’s go.’_

_Let’s go._

_“C’mon, Jason, let’s go!” Ollie complained from the bed as I put on my shirt. I grinned and shook my head when he sighed very dramatically and threw his legs over Keith’s lap in an annoyed fashion. Keith in turn, who was sitting on my bed as well, shoved them away, looking more than irritated by Ollie’s closeness._

_“Why the hurry?” I asked and looked at myself in the mirror again._

_“Because all the hot chicks will be gone when you’re done admiring yourself,” Keith chimed in. He was tapping his feet on the ground in the rhythm to the music coming from his phone._

_“We have to wait for Riley anyway,” I pointed out and snatched the lighter from Ollie’s fingers when he tried to light his joint. “I told you – not in here. Mom would kill me and send you flying out.”_

_He sat up to steal it back, but I was faster and took a few steps back out of his reach. “Na, don’t worry. She loves me. She wouldn’t throw me out.”_

_“She would still bite my head off, though,” I joked and placed the lighter on my desk next to the photo of Grant and me._

_“Where is your brother anyway?” Keith asked and ended our friendly banter with a roll of his eyes. Right on cue there was a soft knock on the door, and I exchanged glances with my friends._

_Ollie whistled softly. “Taught him to knock before entering. Good job, J. You trained him well.”_

_“Don’t need him to find me when I- … Nevermind,” I laughed and walked over to open the door. I had to suppress a laugh when I saw him standing there, hands crossed before his body and looking as if he’d been called to the principal’s office. I let him in and could barely see Keith shaking his head._

_“They will never let him in,” he said while Ollie patted the mattress beside him, motioning for my brother to sit down next to him._

_“Don’t worry,” the blond answered when Riley had taken seat next to him. “I know the owner of the club. There won’t be any problems. He turned to my brother and gave him an encouraging smile, and I nodded in agreement and took my wallet from my desk._

_“Everyone ready?”_

_We left my room and headed down the stairs, Riley and I saying goodbye to mom in the living room before we stepped into the warm night air. But before we could even leave the front yard, Riley stopped dead in his tracks, hands shooting up to his curly hair. “Fuck,” he swore. “I forgot my hat. You guys go on without me, I’ll be right there.” And with that he vanished back into our house, leaving us three standing between mom’s roses and perennials._

_I sighed. “I knew this was a bad idea.” Keith chuckled beside me, but Ollie shook his head angrily._

_“Maybe it would be better if you stopped behaving like an utter prick.”_

_“Excuse me?” I asked and turned to him, arms crossed over my chest defensively._

_“You heard me. You treat him like shit, even though he has nothing done to you. He just wants to spend a nice evening with us. And you..?” He shook his head. “Imagine Grant treating you like this.”_

_“Leave him out of this,” I said angrily, but turned back to the house nevertheless. The light in Riley’s room_ _on the second floor_ _was on_ _, and I bit the knuckles of my hand before I looked back at my friends. “He’s right. Go on, we’ll come after you.”_

_I ran after my brother, through the hall and up the stairs to the second floor. When I stood in front of his door, I hesitated, but knocked nevertheless. “Yes?” came the muffled reply from inside, and I had to admit that Ollie may have been right about what he had said. I opened the door and found Riley inside, sitting on his bed with his head hanging low. “Mom, I don’t want to-,” he raised his eyes and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw me. Obviously he had not expected me to come back for him. “I thought you wanted to go ahead?” he asked nervously._

_“I thought you wanted to look for your hat?” I countered and watched him fidget on the mattress._

_“Yeah… you know,” he began, and I could clearly see that he made things up while he was speaking, “I don’t feel so good, so I’ll probably stay home tonight.”_

_“What? You nearly begged three weeks for me to take you along, and now you don’t wanna come? Got cold feet, or what?” Arms crossed in front of me I stepped closer. “Is there something that bothers you?” He shook his head, the dark curls of hair swinging with the motion. A few awkward seconds I wondered if I should just leave him be and spend a nice evening with Ollie and Keith, but then again I would probably feel really bad about this. I sighed and sat down next to him on the bed. How did Grant manage that shit? “Listen, Riley, I’m sorry for-,” for what exactly? “…for treating you like this earlier… and I’m sorry for Keith’s behavior, too.”_

_He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said lowly, “I know that you guys don’t want to have me with you.”_

_“That’s not true,” I said and heard him snort as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Again I wondered how Grant made this brotherly connection shit look so easy and simple. I watched Riley from the corner of my eyes. He hadn’t moved one bit. I tried it again. “Listen, you know that I say and do some stupid things.”_

_“Some?” he laughed and I nudged him gently in the side. At least I had gotten that frown off his face._

_“Hey, don’t make this any harder. As I said, I have done_ some _stupid things, and I know that it…” I sighed and clenched my teeth. C’mon Jason, it can’t be this hard! “I know that some of the time I’m a complete asshole to you, and I’m sorry for that.” That went quite well. I touched his shoulder and he looked at me. “But if I didn’t want you to come with us I wouldn’t have offered… or maybe I would have, but then I’d had to lock you in the bathroom so you wouldn’t follow us.” He chuckled and I lowered my gaze. “We’re brothers. And we’re a team, right?”_

_I clenched my fist and held it out to him, and he tipped his own fist against it with a smile that finally reached his eyes again. “Right.”_

_“Then let’s go.” We stood up and were about to leave the room when suddenly something came to my mind. I looked around and walked back to the bed, taking his dark cap from the bedpost. “You were looking for your hat,” I said and handed it to him with a wink. “There it is.”_

“There it is!” Keith’s shout actually made me jump, and I pulled my hand back quickly; the revolver falling to the ground in the process. It clattered on the stone, a noise far too loud in this moment. “Look! Over there!” he yelled and pointed his finger to his left.

“Yeah, I see it,” Daisy confirmed, and her voice sounded like she was crying, but out of relief. I kept staring at the back of Riley’s head, who had joined Daisy and Keith on the left side of the cliffs, looking over the edge down to the see.

“Oh my god,” he sighed, and I watched him hug our brother’s girlfriend.

‘Oh my god’, it echoed through my head. _You nearly killed him_.

Suddenly he turned to me, and when I swallowed again, my throat felt like sandpaper. _You nearly killed him_.

“Jason, come over here,” he came towards me, the relief also written on his face, but I flinched back from his touch when he reached out to me. _He’s not safe around you. You’ll just hurt him. Like you did down there, as Foster._ “Jason?” his expression changed, and suddenly his brow furrowed with concern. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t realize that I’d taken a few steps back until I bumped into a tree behind me. “Don’t…” I began, but didn’t really know what I wanted to say. Only now I noticed that the others were watching us too, and I clenched my fists nervously and pushed past my brother. The others were looking at me as if I’d lost my mind, and maybe I already had and hadn’t realized it yet.

I looked over the edge to where I figured Keith had pointed, and that’s when I saw what we had overlooked earlier. The boat could not be seen entirely. It was hidden pretty well, between even more rocks. I wondered how Sam got it there, but then again I didn’t care. As long as it was fully seaworthy, I was okay with it. “It will take some time to get down there,” I was startled when Daisy spoke beside me, soft voice and an even softer look on her face, like she knew what I had been planning to do.

I didn’t know how long we were already standing here, or if the pirates had already found the truck. If they had, it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out where we went, and then… “How much time do you need to figure out how it works?” I asked her, and she shrugged her shoulders quickly.

“If it’s working… maybe half an hour?”

I turned to her so fast that she flinched. “We don’t have so much time!”

“I know,” she said angrily, “But I can’t perform miracles! I don’t even know what type it is or if it is working at all!”

I felt the need to tear my hair out at this, but started pacing instead. Eventually I stopped again, bit my knuckles, because I needed the pain to clear my mind from the fear that tried to choke me. “We don’t have time,” I repeated, much calmer, because I needed her to keep a cool head, “Are you sure you can’t figure it out faster?”

She sighed and covered her face with her hands. When she lowered them again, she looked much older than she was. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Speculation won’t get us anywhere,” Keith suddenly said and we looked to him. “We should get down there.”

I kept staring into his direction without really watching him anymore, and after a while I nodded. “He’s right.” I looked back at Daisy and she furrowed her brow. “I’ll head back to the truck and try to hold back Vaas’ men. The rest of you will go down and get the boat running.”

“What about you?” she asked, but Riley was already by my side.

He grabbed my arm so hard that it hurt, and yanked me around so I had to face him. Time seemed frozen around us when we just stared at each other. “No! I won’t allow you to play hero again!” he finally growled, anger and fear mixing in his voice. I opened my mouth to calm him down, but he did not even give me a chance to speak. He was crying again, and when I saw the tears running down his face, I felt as if I couldn’t hold back any longer either. “You said we’re a team, and teammates don’t leave each other behind! You told me that you miss Grant and that it is so horrible that you’ve lost him.” I couldn’t look at him, but he got a fistful of my shirt and pulled, and my eyes found his again. “But you know what? I lost him, too. You’re not the only one who suffers.”

“Riley,” I heard myself speak, my voice sounding as pained as his.

He pushed me back and clenched his fists at his side, and for a moment I was sure that my little brother would hit me. But the blow never came. Instead he bit his lip, obviously fighting with a breakdown. And I was sure he could see the same expression on my face. “You’re right. Losing one brother is already more than enough. You said you wouldn’t let that happen to me. But I won’t let that happen to you either; and I certainly won’t leave you here with this maniac.”

I opened my mouth to explain it to him, to tell him why I had to stay behind, that I only did it to save them, but before I could say anything, Keith stepped between us. “Do you _really_ think this is the best time to argue?”

“What? You want to leave him behind to save your sorry ass?” Riley snapped, and for a moment I was taken aback. Never would I ever have imagined my little brother talking to him like that. Whereas they didn’t get along in the beginning, they had developed some kind of deep respect for each other over the years. Problems Riley couldn’t tell me, he told Keith.

“I didn’t say that,” Keith answered calmly, and again I was surprised. Normally it didn’t need much to get him riled up, and now, in such a situation, he was patience himself? “But he is right. Daisy needs time, and the longer we discuss what we’re going to do, the likelier it gets that we’ll be caught again.” He looked back and forth between the both of us, and then he shrugged. “How about you go down with Daisy and Liza and try to get the boat running, while I go with Jason?”

“No way,” I interrupted, “we don’t know what’s down there. You’ll accompany them.”

“And you’ll face the pirates all by yourself?” Liza stepped in.

“It’s not the first time I did. I won’t let anyone of you get in danger anymore!” I yelled at her. Suddenly I realized that we were arguing again.

Keith seemed to think the same, because he turned to me then. “Okay, you’ll buy us some time, and when Daisy got the boat running, I’ll come and get you. And I mean it – we won’t leave until you come with us!”

I clenched my teeth, but this was better than nothing. Slowly I nodded, and turned to leave, but Riley grabbed my arm again. I thought he would start arguing again, but then he just pulled me close and threw his arms around me. Fear and sadness hit me so hard that it nearly hurt physically. Maybe this was the last time we ever saw each other. I buried my face in his hair, tried to memorize the smell, the way his body pressed against mine. I tightened my grip, and so did he. “Please come back…” he whispered, and maybe he knew as well as I did that I couldn’t.

‘I wish I could,’ was on the tip of my tongue, as well as another thousand apologies for what had happened. For not being able to save Grant and Ollie, for hurting him, for leaving him yet again to suffer on his own. I wanted to tell him that I’d miss him, that he had given me the strength to keep fighting.

But I couldn’t.

If I did, he’d know what I was planning.

“I will,” I lied through my teeth. It nearly killed me, but slowly I let go of him, his touch still lingering on my skin. I made myself turn back to the jungle, knowing that I would never see him again.

* * *

 

I arrived back at the truck simultaneously with two more cars from the pirates. Stepping in their way, I pulled the revolver from the back of my pants and fired a shot before they could even come to a halt. The first car’s windshield shattered, and the co-driver’s head hit the dashboard with a hole in his skull. They stopped, the driver and two other guys from the second car jumping out of their vehicles while I took cover behind a tree. Bullets flew past me as soon as I was hidden, and I felt the wood splinter beside me, but stayed still. Over the shots I heard someone talking, and I was sure one of these guys was giving away our position and ordering reinforcements.

The bullet hail stopped for a brief moment, and I changed my position without their notice and found cover behind another set of trees. I waited for them to come looking for me, and when I heard the footsteps of one guy running towards where I had been hiding, I broke out of the cover with the revolver raised. I needed a second or two to figure out my surroundings, but when I saw the guy , I shot him straight in the neck. His unlucky fellows had a hard time finding out where I was – thanks to Minou and her idea with the shirts – and their confusion gave me enough time to shoot the next guy, even though I needed two attempts.

Smiling, I picked the AK from the dead pirate closest to me, while the remaining two of Vaas’ men were running around like scared chicken, searching for cover behind their car. I was about to stand up again, the gun strapped over my shoulder, when I saw a grenade and a block of C4 along with its remote on the dude’s belt. I took both and quickly dodged the next round of bullets behind a tree. Again I waited ‘til they had to reload their guns and changed my position, and I tried to get as close as possible before I pulled the pin and sent the grenade flying towards them. It landed inside the first vehicle, and they tried to sprit away, but there was not enough time for them to get out of the burst radius.

Pieces of the car – and probably some of their body parts, I thought insanely enough – flew around, and I felt the heat on my face when I stepped closer. The remains of the car were still burning, but I passed it and headed for the truck.

My leg hurt when I climbed up inside, but when I reached into my back pocket for the pillbox, it was gone. _Shit. Must have lost it._ I walked past the crates Riley and I had used as cover, further into the back of the truck. I wondered if I had enough energy left in me to feel the sorrow, but I knew I did when I let myself sink down to the floor beside Ollie’s lifeless body.

_‘Nice tats man.’_

I chuckle broke through my lips before I could stop it. “Yeah, you’re probably the only guys who says something like that after you were nearly sold to slavers or while nearly getting killed.” My voice broke, and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I felt my heart aching and didn’t dare to look down at his body. _This is not real_. “I’m sorry, man…” I took a deep breath and reached my fingers out to touch his hand, but when I felt cold instead of warmth, all the horror I had seen and felt came back to me. I withdraw my hand quickly, ashamed of the disgust I felt even though this was my friend, and pulled my legs closer.

Hugging my knees and rocking back and forth on the hard ground of the truck, I felt like a child again. Scared of the monsters under the bed that were not there, but _they were there now_ , reaching out with their claws to pull me down with them. My breaths came faster than normal, but I couldn’t cry. It felt as if there were no tears left, just a searing pain, slowly cutting through my body and reopening already closed wounds. A crazy thought crossed my mind, a feeble attempt of my mind to grasp what was happening. _Would Buck’s skin have been as cold as Ollie’s if had touched him?_ I bit my lip, tears welling in my eyes now after all, and when my gaze fell on my friend’s face, a friend that had been more like a brother to me than anything else, now blood-smeared and pale, I screamed.

_“Man, this is great…” he whispered beside me and I nodded slowly. “Have you ever seen something this magical?”_

_“No…” We waited in silence as the sun rose over the lake, the beams of light reflecting in the water. I closed my eyes for a second, enjoying the smell of the grass, wet from dew. The fire next to us was still burning, but we had the blankets wrapped tightly around ourselves anyway._

_“I should come here more often”, Ollie finally said, motioning to his parents’ vacation home with his head. “But I guess it’s no fun alone.”_

_“Who says that you’ll be alone?” I asked and opened my eyes. “You think you can enjoy this sight all by yourself?”_

_He laughed. “Of course not.” We kept watching the sun rise, until he chuckled again. ”And Keith is sleeping through all this.”_

_I looked over to our friend, who was snoring softly next to us on the ground. “Looks like it.”_

_“You know,” I saw an evil smile forming on his lips when he turned to me, “I could get some markers from inside.”_

_I laughed at him and nodded. “That sounds like an excellent idea!”_

“Jason?” I heard my name being called and jumped to my feet immediately, wiping the tears from my face. My heart was beating so fast as if I had been caught doing something forbidden. A second later I realized that it had been Keith who had called me, and I tried to force myself to calm down. “One moment”, I shouted back and tried to collect myself.

After I regained some of my composure, I was about to make my way out of the truck when my gaze lingered on my friend’s body. My thoughts darted back to Vaas camp, and with it the question of what had happened to Grant. I swallowed nervously, not wanting this uncertainty again, and walked back over to him.

I took the explosives I had gathered from the dead pirate and laid it down next to him. “I’m sorry,” I murmured quietly when I stood up again, “but I won’t let them have you.” When I turned away, I felt strangely empty. There were so many things that I wanted to tell him, or Grant, but I couldn’t.

_They were gone._

_And it was my fault._

_It should have been me._

_Vaas should have shot me._

_I should have been the one getting stabbed with the ancient knife._

_It should have been me who was driving the truck._

_I agreed upon the jump in the first place._

“I’m here,” I said to Keith when I jumped out of the truck, the remote back safely in my pocket. His expression was a strange mixture of both nervousness and relief. “Jason, it’s working!” he said and a smile spread over his face. “It’s working. We can go home now.”

 _Home_.

“That’s great,” I said and forced myself to smile back. “Is Minou with you?”

Concern replaced the relief on his face, and he shook his head. “No. She’s not down there.”

“What?” I reached for my walkie-talkie, until I realized that neither I nor she did have one. “Fuck…” I swore and paced back and forth.

“What are we going to do?” I heard Keith ask, and there was fear lingering in his voice. _He’s afraid you’ll disappoint him again._

I thought of Minou and Sam, and wondered what they’d been like as a pair, and how they would have raised their child if given the chance. It made me feel even guiltier as I turned back to my friend. “It changes nothing,” I said and saw him raise his brows. “We don’t even know if she’s still alive. Leave without her.”

He opened his mouth as if to object, but then he frowned. “Leave? As in…” He shook his head. “What about you?” I looked away. Realization dawned upon him as he took a step towards me. “No. Riley was right! You… No!” I watched him struggle for words, until he shook his head another time. “Are you crazy, J.?”

Even though I didn’t want to, a chuckle forced his way out of my lips. “To be honest, yes, I think so.”

“I would rather call it stupid,” he growled and grabbed my arm. “You’re coming with us!”

“And then what?” I snapped back, my anger flaring up as if someone had added fuel to the fire. I wrenched my arm free and made some space between us. “The pirates called reinforcements. They know where we are. Someone has to lure them away from here, so that the others can leave. And you heard these guys; Vaas won’t rest until he got me. If I get on that boat with you, he’ll do anything to get us back!”

Keith looked as if he’d tear his hair out at any second. “Are you nuts? You realize what this guy will do to you, don’t you?”

“I do,” I said with as much determination as I could muster.

“And yet… what? You ask me to leave you behind with this maniac?”

“Yes.” I wondered if Keith could hear my heart beating. It felt as if the whole island could hear it.

“Jason…,” he said, eyes still closed, “You can’t… We’ll find a way.”

I stepped closer to him, placing my hands on his shoulders. He raised his head and our eyes met. “Even if, you know as much as I do that I could never again live a normal life. You can. And Liza, and Daisy. And Riley. You promised me to get him off the island no matter what happened to me. I need you for this Keith.”

' _Lies'_ , a voice sounding too much like _him_ whipered into my ear. _'You don't want to stay. You want them to take you with them. You're just sacrificing yourself to save them again.'_

I tried to ignore my own thoughts, giving Keith a smile which probably looked more like a grimace than anything else. “Please don’t let me pull the guilt card for saving you from Buck. I don’t want to use that against you. Just do it.”

“He won’t go without you,” he whispered and I knew I had nearly convinced him to leave me behind when he looked to the ground guiltily.

“I know. That’s why you have to tell him that I’m dead.” His eyes shot up again, and he shook his head but I ignored him. “He probably won’t believe you when you say that I got killed, so you have to tell him that I shot myself.”

“What..?”

“I felt guilty because of what had happened to Oliver. And Grant. And Citra. And I couldn’t live with this guilt.” I made it sound like I was making this up, even though it was the truth. I loosened the grip I had on Keith and stepped back again. “You tried to convince me not to do it, but I didn’t listen.”

He answered with a shake of his head. “I can’t do this.”

“You can,” I said forcefully. “And you have to do it now. You need a head start or they will get you.”

He still didn’t move, and I counted the seconds in my head. “It's okay. Leave!” Another breath, another second. Then: "Take care of Riley..." because I had to know he would be save.

I saw the conflict in his eyes, heard the roaring of my own blood in my ears when he still didn't move. _They would get them!_ Frantically I pulled the revolver from my pants and pointed it at him. He froze.

“Jason?”

“I swear it to you Keith, if you don’t leave that fucking island here and now," I heard myself say, "I’ll shoot you. And then I go down there and kill the others, too, ‘cause I don’t want them see in Vaas’ clutches again.”

He watched me, the horror clearly visible on his face. “Jason-“

I fired a shot directly over his shoulder. He dodged reflexively. “The next one will go right between your eyes.” I watched him stand up straight again, wide eyes staring at me with dispair.

And finally he moved. First a few steps backwards, his gaze still on me. I saw pain, exhaustion, fear. The wish for leaving all of this behind. “I’m sorry…” he whispered and I nodded. And then he turned around and vanished in the underbrush.

I didn't even lower the gun as I stared at the place where he had been standing. _This is good. This is what you wanted._

I felt the pain in my eyes when I tried to hold back the tears. _'There goes your ticket back home,'_ he laughed, _'It's over.'_

But it wasn't over yet. It felt like there was a knife in my throat when I turned around and ran over to the second car which the pirates had been using. _No time to grief. You still have to save them._

The engine was still running, and I sat behind the steering wheel quickly to drive past the truck, bringing some distance between it and me. When I was far enough away from it, I stepped on the brake, bringing the car to a halt and shutting it off.

_This is good._

_This is what you wanted_.

* * *

 

I didn’t know how much time had passed when I had been sitting in the truck, or how long I was waiting in the car before the first waves of reinforcements appeared in the driving mirror. I felt my heartbeat quicken, and sent a prayer heavenwards that I could grant the others enough time to leave.

I started the engine. _Okay, relax!_ I breathed in through my nose, and out through my mouth, and then I reached into my pants pocket and grabbed the remote. When I looked up at the mirror again, there were at least five or six cars.

So I had been right. He had waited ‘til he knew where we were.

My instincts told me to take off immediately as I watched the pirates approach, but instead I turned around and gave them the finger. “Hey, you assholes!” I screamed so loud that my throat hurt, “Tell Vaas he can go fuck himself!” I didn’t think it would be that easy, but to my surprise they took the bait without further efforts and ignored the truck completely. I turned back and watched them again in the mirror, the remote in my sweaty hands. Full of fear that this wouldn't work, that it had been for nothing, I waited until the first vehicle was close to the truck’s hood – and flipped the switch.

I could feel the heat from the explosion in my neck, and with closed eyes I thought about Ollie for a brief second. But then I opened them again, watched the dark smoke rising in the mirror, and after a few heartbeats the first vehicle I hadn’t damaged broke through it. I stepped on the gas quickly, and the wheels spun and raised the dusk before they got a grip on the dirt road.

The acceleration pressed my body back into the seat, but I kept pushing down the pedal. The pirates were much closer than I would have liked, and I needed to get some distance between us. I held onto the steering wheel and followed the winding road, leaving the smoking truck behind me. The other cars – three, maybe four – unfortunately didn’t lose way, even when I tried to out-maneuver them by jerking the wheel violently to my right so that I drove directly into the jungle.

I heard the branches cracking under the tires and I was sure I had hit something when I tried to avoid winding the car around a tree. But then I hit the road again, and for a moment the car was swerving on the different ground before I won back control over it. I followed the route to the left, and again I checked the mirrors. My gaze darted around, searching for any sign of the pirates. _Where were they?_ They had been right behind me.

I looked back over my shoulder, scanning the tree line, when suddenly something crashed into me. The impact made the car leave the road, and it burst through bushes and undergrowth, down a sharp slope, and I tried desperately to hold onto something so I wouldn’t be thrown out of the vehicle.

A wave of fear went through me when there was nothing I could cling to.

For a moment it felt like skydiving again.

And then I hit the ground.

A loud shattering noise. What was left of the car had crashed beside me and slid further over grass. It had missed me by a hairsbreadth.

Everything hurt. I turned onto my back, staring up at the leaves and the sun sparkling between them. The ringing in my ears faded more with every breath I took, but my vision was still blurry.

I heard shouting from the top of the hill.

But I closed my eyes.

It was okay now.

I found myself wishing that death would come and get me, that I didn't even care anymore. Maybe this should worry me?

There was someone at my side, petting my hair. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Vaas staring down at me. He had a joint in his other hand and pulled on it, smoke trailing from his lips and nose when he breathed out. “Did you really think you could run from me?”

I knew I was hallucinating, but shook my head slowly nevertheless. The motion made the thumping in my head worse. “No,” my voice was hoarse when I answered him.

He chuckled and took another drag, puffing like the Big Bad Wolf himself. I stared back up at the sky, but after a while he leaned forward into my field of vision again. “Don’t forget that,” he said and my mind needed a second to catch what he meant, “You’ll never leave me. We are one.”

And when he leaned down and captured my mouth with his own, his tongue tracing carefully over my lips, I knew that, indeed, death had come for me.


	13. A Carrot And A Stick

With the next second, everything was clear again.

Even though I had been awake for a while now, the world had been all fuzzy and confusing, with no real sense to it. I had been staring at the dirt in front of my face; the bigger white stones and the smaller black ones. It had taken some time for me to realize that the latter were indeed small stones, because I was pretty sure that they had been moving, like little ants crawling towards my face. But when the world stopped spinning, so did the not-ants. I kept watching, just to be sure.

The air was hot and humid, and whatever I was wearing was clinging to my skin. I was lying on my stomach, sweat trickling down my sides to the ground where the clothes weren’t covering me. I shivered, even though it felt like the one and only time I had been in a sauna. This was worse though, with my hands bound behind my back. Not handcuffs, but something with less room to move. Cable tie, maybe?

It had taken me a long time to figure everything out. Maybe it hadn’t been this long at all, but it sure felt like it. When I woke, there had been pain. First in my head, then down my spine. My shoulders and arms were aching from the position I was in, and it was hard to breathe while lying on my stomach. My ribs were hurting as well, and the pain came in waves. Hot and searing, then it got better, and then it got worse again. I had realized that the ache came with every breath I took, and it hadn’t gotten better since then. I had wiggled my toes, just to prove that I could still move my legs – which I could, apparently. I had been pretty sure that I had had an accident, but I didn’t know anything else. Where I was, what had happened, or why there was no one to help me.

It could have stayed this way, if it were up to me.

Strangely, the first thing I remembered was Citra’s temple, with the fires lit all the way up the stairs. And then her, the dark hair hanging over her shoulders, green eyes watching my steps as I approached her slowly.

From then I went backwards in the time line, Hoyt, Sam, Buck, Willis… Vaas.

I thought of Grant, his warm blood spilling out of the wound and over my hands.

I remembered saving my friends one by one, and hiding them in the cave under Dr. Alec Earnhardt’s house. We had fled with the boat, but Vaas had captured us and brought us back. I helped him with the outpost, killed the Rakyat. And there was Minou, who had promised to help me escape. And then everything had been fuzzy. What had happened from there? I assumed that I was back at Vaas' compound, judging by my surroundings, but I didn't know for sure.

Suddenly I was pulled out of my thoughts by furious shouting, and I knew exactly who it was. I closed my eyes promptly, pretending I was still unconscious, when I heard him approach in quick strides. “This fucker… this time I’ll rip his throat out!”

A second voice cut in, and it didn’t took me long to remember the one belonging to it. Carlos. “You can’t kill him.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that.”

I wondered if I should leap up and run. Then again I didn’t know where the others were, and maybe they needed my help? _Please, don’ let them be dead…_ “Vaas!” Carlos seemed to have grabbed his arm, because one moment Vaas stopped dead in his tracks, and the next second the sound of skin meeting skin sounded through the air, accompanied by a groan of pain from the islands’ doctor.

“If you wanna join him, you just have to tell me,” Vaas growled dangerously and I tensed. “Don’t think that you’re worth keeping. After all you could be the one selling me out, seeing how much time you spent with this shithead.” I listened closely for any kind of sound, but Carlos kept quiet, and so did the whole compound. “Good. I thought so.”

And then Vaas turned his attention back to me. I could nearly feel his gaze on me, but tried to look as relaxed as possible. He came towards me, slower this time, like a beast hunting its prey, and I felt my heart hammer in my chest when I felt him crouch down right beside me. _Keep still… don’t move!_

He touched my forehead with his fingers carefully, almost tender, but I couldn’t prevent the wince. Either he didn’t notice, or he didn’t care, because the caress went on and he moved his hand through my hair, stroking it softly. Even though I didn’t want it, after weeks of pain and torture I found myself enjoying the touch. His skin was warm, not too hot though, and I felt myself relax even though I knew that surely pain would follow.

 _Sometimes I forgot that he was still a human being, that his touch wouldn’t be cold_.

But then he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. A pained cry left my lips before I could stop it, but he kept pulling until I was laid on my back, my bound hands and arms painfully aware of my weigh. Suddenly his fist shot out and he silenced me with a punch to my gut; it felt like an electric shock, the pain moving through all my limbs. I curled into a tight ball, but the next punch met my ribs. My vision turned dark on its edges and I wailed. Vaas was shouting something, but it sounded far far away. His hands were on me again, and the pain intensified when he hauled me up on my knees.

“Not so unconscious anymore, hm?” he sneered at me over my pathetic whimpering and raised his fist again, his other hand still clutching my hair tightly. I couldn’t move away from the blow, and so I took it; another one in my stomach. “Just like that, Carlos, yes? No blows to the head, like you said?” he called over his shoulder while I was fighting for air. “I think Snow White is enjoying it.”

My eyes found Carlos'. He had a pained expression, like he was the one taking the physical pain himself, his gaze switching between Vaas and me. “I didn’t,” he began, but Vaas wouldn’t listen. Instead he pushed me away, and because my hands where still bound tightly behind my back, I couldn’t catch myself and fell awkwardly to the ground instead.

Vaas started pacing in front of me, his boots kicking up the dust before my face. I closed my eyes for a moment, tired, exhausted, and praying that the others were okay. Then I heard the footsteps stop, and when I looked up again, Vaas had crouched down right in front of me. “So tell me, Snow White,” I winced again when his hand returned to my face, not hurting, but caressing, “Where did you hide your friends?”

Hide? I couldn’t even remember that I had been hiding them, and much less where. Maybe they were back in Earnhardt’s cave? But that couldn’t be. The Rakyat had destroyed it. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, but Vaas shook his head as soon as the words had left my mouth.

“Jason,” he said and pulled his hand back, traced his lips with his fingers instead, “Jason, Jason… you should know by now that _I’m not in the mood for games with you, okay hermano?_ ” His voiced had risen in volume, and I clenched my fists behind my back. “But because we have known each other for such a long time, I give you one more try. Where are your fucking asshole friends, and more importantly, where is the one helping you escape?”

And that was when it came back. Me saying goodbye to Minou at Buck’s hut, agreeing that I wouldn’t be too late at the boot. Beras town, where Dennis had shot himself, following Citra into death. My attack on Keith and his attempted suicide. Ollie… getting shot and bleeding out in the back of the truck.

I had promised Riley that I would come back.

I had forced Keith to lie about my fate.

“So?” Vaas asked again. “Will you tell me where the traitor is?” Our eyes met. So this was what this was about. He wanted Minou.

If I were to hand her over to Vaas, he might make a deal with me and let the others go….

My thoughts were tumbling over each other, the word _‘traitor’_ sounding over and over in my head, but not referring to Minou anymore.

But I couldn’t do this. Hopefully my silence would grant the others enough time, and I wouldn’t be forced to betray her a second time. Bad enough that I told them to leave without her.

I bit my tongue and swallowed the words, staring up at Vaas. He narrowed his eyes, obviously becoming aware of my defiance. “Or would you rather,” he stood up straight again and suddenly I noticed the pirates who had gathered to watch the spectacle, “if I cut you up piece by piece, watching you squirm and bleed, until you find your fucking tongue?”

I didn’t answer him when he hauled me to my knees, but I had to swallow when he turned to one of his men, nearly ripping the machete of the guy’s belt, and returned to me with the knife in his hand. “So tell me, Jason,” he whispered, tracing the sharp edge of the blade with his index finger as he stopped in front of me, “where should I start?” I flinched when he reached his arm out and pressed the cool metal against the skin on my cheek. “Your ear? An eye?” He followed his musings with the knife, and then he moved it down to my throat and lingered there. A shiver, hot and cold at the same time, went down my spine, because fuck this felt good. The rough edge scratching my skin, Vaas’ eyes locked on mine… I swallowed again with closed eyes and prayed that he didn’t notice. “Fuck, I’d love nothing better than to cut your tongue off, but then the talking part could become difficult.”

I wondered if he would go through with it, and I felt my blood run cold when I opened my eyes and saw him sneering down at me. _Of course he would_. My thoughts became frantic when I tried to remember where the others were. If they were at a safe place, I could set Vaas and his men on a wrong track. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if he found out I lied, but for now I would be off the hook. I was about to make something up, when Carlos suddenly stepped forward. “Vaas, he probably can’t even remember,” he said lowly.

There was dead silence in the whole compound when Vaas looked over his shoulder back to Carlos. No one even dared to move, and I could see him swallow as the pirate leader turned to him and got closer. “So what do you suggest?” Vaas said calmly, and the dangerous undertone in his voice did not augur well. “We risk these stupid fucks to come back and save Snow White’s ass?”

Carlos seemed to gasp for air for a moment, like a fish thrown on dry land, but he regained his composure much faster than I would have thought and raised his head. “They won’t do anything. Without Brody’s help they would not even have come this far, so it’s relatively unlikely that they would act now. Apart from that,” he said, and our eyes met. I could not quite decipher his expression, but I was sure I could see something like sorrow when he looked back at Vaas. “I don’t think they’re still alive.”

I nearly felt my stomach drop, like when you missed a step on your way down the stairs. This one moment, where body and mind are not prepared for what’s going to happen, when you don’t know if you’ll fall or not. I stared up at the doctor, the little stones digging into the skin on my knees, but he wouldn’t look back at me.

“Why?” Vaas asked simply, and Carlos cast a glance back at the men standing behind him.

“The escapees must have stolen one of our trucks when the alarm was triggered. They drove off with it, but when the reinforcements caught up with them… the truck blew up.”

_Heat on my skin, Ollie’s pale skin smeared with his own blood, Riley wrapping his arms around my body and asking me to come back…_

I remembered. Yes, the truck did explode. _But not with them in it._

I lowered my gaze quickly, because surely my train of thoughts must have been written on my face. They had to be on their way to escape now, and I had to do everything to ensure that they would arrive the mainland.

I had to keep Vaas off them.

“So?” Vaas said finally and I looked back up. He took a few steps towards Carlos, and it seemed like the doctor was trying his hardest not to flinch. _Did he know the truth or was he really convinced that I'd killed my friends?_ “What if this was a trick? What if this fucker wants us to think that he killed these assholes? You ever thought about that?” Carlos opened his mouth, but Vaas didn’t wait for his answer; instead, in one swift motion, he reached for the gun on his belt and pressed it against Carlos’ forehead. “I bet you didn’t. So maybe you should SHUT THE FUCK UP before you can extract these bullets from your own skull. Did I make myself clear?”

Carlos’ lips trembled slightly when he opened them again, but his voice was steady and calm. “Yes, Vaas. I’m sorry.”

They held each other’s stares a second longer, before Vaas lowered the gun and turned his back on the doc. His attention was drawn back to me and I clenched my teeth.

_I must not tell him anything that would lead to them._

Vaas crouched down before me and I looked away quickly at his intense stare, but he grabbed my chin and turned my head back to him. The gesture was surprisingly gentle, and he cupped my face with his bandaged hands. I still refused to meet his eyes, but in this moment he didn’t seem to care. “Oh Jason… you had to endure so many things…” He moved his thumb over my cheek, and finally I met his eyes. I knew that this wasn’t normal, that he just tried to coax me into feeling safe, but something in my head told me to yield to him, to give way under the pressure.

_Fuck winning._

I just wanted to have my peace, to relax and sleep and forget all the horrible things that had happened. “Please,” I whispered so lowly that only Vaas could hear it. I didn’t care anymore how pathetic I must have looked, but Vaas only leaned forward until our foreheads touched. _Didn’t he want to kill me only moments before?_

“I know, Jason,” he breathed, and I could nearly forget that he was the crazy psychopath who was responsible for this, “You don’t need to fight anymore. I’ve got you. Just tell me where your friends are.” I bit my lip to keep quiet and braced myself for the inevitable pain, but strangely enough he didn’t lash out like normally. Instead he leaned back, his hands still on my face. “Okay, then how about you tell me about the traitor. Where is he? Is he still here?”

My first impulse was to stay silent, but then again I could help Carlos by assuring Vaas that he was not the one who had been helping me. I wondered how much I could say without endangering Minou in doing so. “No, he’s not here anymore,” I answered eventually, watching the pronouns carefully when I spoke, “he left the camp with us, but we split up, and I don’t know where he is now.”

His eyes narrowed. He was probably searching my face for any sign that I was lying. “Okay,” he said after a while. “Then tell me where your friends are.” I shook my head, and almost instantly the flat of his hand crashed onto my cheek. The sound spread through the whole compound, and the humiliation that came with it was much worse than the burn on my skin. I was sure Vaas had to be his normal self once more, but the calm and considered demeanor remained. “Jason,” he said, and the way he spoke my name was almost threatening, “As I see it we have two options here: we can do it the easy way and you tell me all I want to know, or we can do it the hard way and you’ll probably won’t like that.”

I wondered about Vaas’ so called ’hard ways’. How much would I have to endure before I finally broke, or before my body decided to give up on its own? But there was no question of giving up and telling him. Neither about my friends, nor about Minou, wherever she was.

A chuckle broke through my lips before I could hold it, and suddenly my whole body was shaking with laughter. All my muscles tensed and it fucking hurt, and my voice sounded desperate and pained even to my own ears.

There was no way out of this. I would never see my home again, my mother or Riley, my friends. Grant and Oliver were dead because of me, because I wasn’t fast enough or smart enough or good enough. I had known it the whole time, but only now I realized the truth of it. My future would consist of nothing besides pain, torture, fear…

_Vaas._

The only one still here, from the beginning to the end. His hands were not on my face anymore, and somehow the whole world had turned. After a moment I realized that I was lying on the ground again, and the laughter had faded. A soft breeze was rushing through my disheveled hair, and I felt the wetness from my tears on my cheek. Vaas was still crouching in front of me, and I wouldn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t know what I would see in his face – pity, disgust, victory – whatever it was, I couldn’t stand it. Instead I closed my eyes and listened to the far away sounds of the jungle, something that had become quite familiar over the last weeks.

I heard a sigh, and someone was coming closer. “Boss, I don’t think that you will get anything out of him.” Carlos.

“Hmh…” Vaas seemed to agree with him. I heard him stand up and move away from me, and I couldn’t suppress the sigh of relief that left me. “Search the area around this truck. They can’t be far.”

I opened my eyes at this and looked at him, afraid that the pirates might find anything that gave some indication of my friends' escape, and unfortunately Vaas caught my frantic glance. He tilted his head to the side, his brows furrowing, and came closer again. “What’s wrong, Jason?” he asked and I felt my blood run cold.

“Nothing,” I whispered quickly, and as soon as the word was out, I knew that I had done a huge mistake.

I fixed my eyes on his boots right before me, not daring to look up again until I heard him speak.

“Get the pliers. It seems that Snow White knows much more than he led us to believe. And search every cave, every fucking cleft on this fucking island until you got them.” I swallowed nervously, but this would be okay. I could endure this. And as long as he kept searching the island, they were safe.

Maybe I hadn’t been such a good poker player after all. Hoyt had seen through me, and obviously Vaas could read me like an open book to, ‘cause when he grabbed my hair and pulled me upright it felt like he knew every single thought in my head. He lowered himself to my eye level and took hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Where are they, Snow White?”

I didn’t answer; instead I concentrated on holding his gaze. My head was swimming, like when I had burned Hoyt’s fields with the flamethrower.

_‘You are me, and I am you.’_

_His hands were still warm, the tips of his fingers brushing lightly over the stubble on my chin._

_Gentle, almost like he meant it._

“There not even on the island anymore,” I was startled by his voice and the sudden realization, and he seemed as shocked by this information as I was by the fact that somehow _he knew_. I couldn’t even hide the truth of his revelation on my face when he jumped to his feet. “Get the choppers. I don’t care about them, but make sure you get me the fucker who had helped them escape! Kill the others if you have to,” he yelled hastily and turned to leave.

 _Fuck winning, fuck pride, and fuck everything_.

“Don’t!” I yelled and and crawled awkwardly towards him on my knees. “She’s not with them! You can let them leave!” My heart felt like I had completed a marathon only seconds before, and again I felt like skydiving.

“Who?” he asked sternly and stopped in his way, and when I looked him in the eyes, I knew I was about to sign her death warrant.

“Her name is Minou. She was the one helping us to escape. It’s the girl who cleaned your room.” _Traitor_.

Vaas raised an eyebrow at that and looked at Carlos. “I had a girl who was cleaning my room?”

“Yes, boss,” Carlos answered quickly, “We had picked her up at the north coast after Hoyt’s death. You told us to bring her with us.”

“Ahh…” he breathed and turned to me again. “She helped you?”

I nodded hastily. “She told me about the guards, and she knew about a boat we could use for our escape.” My heart was racing in my chest, and I wondered if this story might sound too crazy to be true. “But we had to split up, and when we arrived at the gathering place, she wasn’t there. I told the others to leave without her, and stayed behind to serve as a distraction for your men.”

He sneered at me and shook his head. “You really ask me to believe that?”

I clenched my fists behind my back out of sheer despair. “It’s the truth, I swear. I don’t know where she is, but she didn’t leave with the others.” He remained quiet or a while, and I didn’t know what to make of his silence. “Please,” I tried again, “Let them leave. They had nothing to do with it. It was me the whole time...”

“And?” Vaas asked eventually and leaned forward, hands on his thighs, “You think I will just let them go? What would I get out of it?”

My thoughts were racing, frantic to find anything that might be of value to him. Anything that might convince him to spare the only thing worth fighting for.

_‘You are me, and I am you.’_

And then I knew what I could trade.

“My loyalty.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am again! Exam time is finally over and I had some time to write.  
> Thank you for your patience! I'm really glad your still with me. Your support is helping me more than you might know.
> 
> Again, I have many things to tell you, and I will start with this awesome image my friend has drawn for me ^^ I really love it (even though she doesn't), and I'm happy that she allowed me to share it with my lovely readers! (and I hope everything worked and you can see it, because it took some time for me to figure out how to post it :D ) And I have to admit that it would fit better to the next chapter, but I couldn't wait to show it to you -.-
> 
> Second, I really hope that you like this chapter. I have to admit that I don't really know how to feel about it... I like it when the "villain" is the ambivalent type and you can't really know what his next move will be (and they did a really good job with Vaas in FC3), but I fear that you might tell me that he is far too calm in this chapter and maybe out of character... :( I just thought that he is still injured and... ahhhh... I won't justify myself. You will have to judge if you like it or not, even if it is OOC.
> 
> And the last thing, I thought about explaining some backgroung information (like Minou's and Sam's relationship and why Vaas doesn't kill Carlos even though he clearly would have liked to do so) in an extra series, but I don't know about it yet.  
> For now I'm happy to post this chapter. And now I don't want to talk your ears off any further ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.


	14. Over The Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't want to slay you with these notes, but I have some things to say.  
> What started as an April fool's joke has become serious. As you may have noticed, this will be the last chapter of this work.  
> BUT that doesn't mean that I am finished with it. It's just that the main plot of this story was for Jason to get his friends back home, and now the story has to go on with another plot. But that is precisely the problem. It doesn't feel right to stuff in the next theme in this story, so I'll start a new one with a new plot, which will continue where this one left off.  
> I don't know when I will post the new story, though. I've already written the beginning, but I want to have a few chapters up my sleeve before I'm going to release it (especially since college demands a lot of time, and I don't know how much time I'll have to write).  
> Hopefully you'll still be interested and Vaas and Jason (and still be with me) when I start the new story. I would be glad to see you guys again!  
> And especially now I want to thank every one of you for your support. I would be nothing without you guys! *gives cookies*  
> I hope you enjoy the last chapter of 'Long Way Home'! Thank you for reading!!! ^^

_Thirty-six._

_Thirty-seven._

_Thirty-eight._

_Thirty-nine._

_Forty._

I nearly collapsed when my arms began trembling, and I carefully lowered myself to the ground. Only forty push-ups? This was nothing compared to what I had done at home. Then again, Rook was nothing like home. With only one meal per day and water kept to a minimum my body wasn’t exactly in good shape.

I remained on the ground using my arms as a pillow and when I closed my eyes, I tried to enjoy the chill that went from the ground through my body. Right on cue my stomach started rumbling. Maybe I shouldn’t think about food anymore. I wondered what time it was and raised my head to look outside the window on the end of the small aisle between the cells. The afternoon had passed and the sun went down. The remaining streaks cast the sky in an orange and purple light and I watched the outside world get darker for a while before I lowered my head to my arms again.

My gaze fell on the cots. The very same cots my friends and brother had used when they still had been here.

I closed my eyes again with a sigh, but then I gathered the remaining strength in my arms and pushed myself up to my knees. Vaas would be here at any moment, so there wasn’t much time left. I clasped my hands before me and looked back over my shoulder to make sure that I was still alone. Then I cleared my throat, my voice hoarse from not speaking so long.

“I still don’t know how this works, but… please, if there is anything… or anyone who can hear me,” I bit my lip thoughtfully and furrowed my brow, “please make sure my brother and the others escaped. I know I’ve done horrible things and I ready to pay for them, but let them get home and back to their normal lives. They ‘ve gone through enough…” I looked back out at the sky, which had become darker by now. “And… and… fuck, I don’t know. Just make sure they are safe.”

When the basement door opened and Vaas walked down the stairs, I was already sitting on my bed again like nothing had happened. My arms rested on my thighs and it must have looked very casual, were it not for the steel bars imprisoning me. I watched my reactions closely to make sure he wouldn’t notice how uncomfortable I was. Hell, he probably knew, but that didn’t mean I had to show him. He took the last step, balancing the tray on one hand like a waiter, and came over to my cell. Our eye met, and as soon as he was sure I wouldn’t jump up at any second, he took the keys from his belt and unlocked the door. I remained where I was when he placed the tray with food on the ground and pushed it into the cell with his boot, and I waited ‘till he had closed and locked the door again before I stood up. I fixed my eyes on the food, but I could still hear him move as he leaned against the bars opposite of my cell. Pride demanded of me to throw the tray across the room, but the hunger wouldn’t let me, so instead I picked it up and walked back to my bed and started eating. I felt his gaze on me as I devoured everything on the plate, and I felt the urge to talk to him, ask him where he left his lapdogs that came normally with him when he brought me the food, or if he could tell me what had happened to Riley, but I wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. He wanted silence? He could have it.

Especially the first days it had been hard to figure out what he wanted without him telling me what to do, but by now we had established some sort of routine. Every day he brought me a tray with food and water in the early evening. I would have to step back from the door for him to open it, and only when I finished eating and drank the water he would take back the tray and leave.

And the whole time he wouldn’t speak. That would have been okay if I knew what had happened to my friends, but after I offered myself in exchange for their lives, he simply put me back in the cell where I had been before. Some nights, when I woke from the nightmares, I wondered if we really did escape, or if maybe my mind had only made this up and blurred my memory to protect me from the fact that Vaas has already killed them.

Apart from that he was the only human contact I had the whole day, and even without him talking to me it was hard not to enjoy the company. I shook my head slightly as I took the glass of water and gulped it down. While my hunger seemed to increase from day to day, the desire for water had obviously left me. But Vaas wouldn’t leave until I finished everything, probably worried that his precious little toy would die of thirst, so I drained the glass, stood up and placed it in front of the cell door together with the tray.

After I returned to my cot, the back of my knees hitting the mattress, he opened the door again. All the while he was watching me carefully, and it gave me some satisfaction to notice his anxiety when he took the stuff out of my cell. I knew he would leave soon and the realization made the urge to talk to him even stronger, but I bit my tongue and walked over to the bars when he turned to leave. My fingers closed around the cold steel, and I felt a strange mix of relief and despair engulf me once I was alone.

I stood there for a while, not knowing what to do - because really, there wasn’t anything else I could have done. But finally I moved away, back to the bed. But instead of lying down, I crouched before it and reached beneath, groping for the small stone I had hidden there. Once I got hold of it, I dragged myself over to the wall beside the sink, scraping the rock over the hard surface until a thin white line remained right across four others.

Five days. Five fucking days in this shithole without any other contact besides the crazy psychopath who had put me here. There first two days had been easy. Because of the exhaustion I had slept nearly the whole time through, apart from Vaas’ daily visits. Back then I had begged him to tell me what he had done to the others, but he had ignored me just as much as he did now. From then it had been unbearable. With too much energy to sleep and too little room to burn it off I felt like I would go crazy. In the beginning I busied myself with poets and lyrics of songs I knew, repeating them over and over in my head, until my thoughts grew so loud that I had to stop. I would have done everything for a pen and paper.

From then I tried to kill time with doing push-ups and sit-ups, so many that the pain in my arms and stomach grew almost unbearable. Nevertheless I kept going, because at least the physical pain was the one I could endure.

The nightmares were nothing like I would have imagined them. No shaking, no cold sweat, no screaming. And even though my heart was always racing and I felt disoriented and helpless, that was it. Most time I couldn’t even remember what the dream was about, but it left me staring into the darkness of the night with nothing but homesickness to hold onto.

I stood up from my spot on the ground and took the few steps towards the bed to sit somewhere I wouldn’t freeze my ass off. Was this what life would be from now on? I didn’t want to think about it, ‘cause the thought scared me, and fear was the last thing I needed. There was nothing I could do about it anyway.

I reached down to my injured leg and rubbed my palm over the bandage there. The gauze hadn’t been changed since the night of our escape and the wound was itching. That probably meant that it was healing and there was no reason to worry, yet the thought of an infection or worse kept bothering me.

_…or worse?_

Perhaps maggots, eating away at my flesh and laying eggs into the fresh wound like they did with Buck’s corpse?

I tried to suppress the shudder, but it went through my body anyway. This was stupid. As if the situation wasn’t already bad enough, now I had to torment myself with these weird fantasies.

“Everything is fine. There is no need to worry,” I murmured to myself to calm my nerves.

I wondered if one day I would belief these lies.

* * *

 

_“Wow, this is really amazing,” Liza nearly squealed and flopped down onto the bed. I entered the hotel room after her and put down the suitcases on the carpet, shooting a glance into the bathroom after I closed the door._

_“I thought it would be dirtier,” I sighed and joined her on the mattress. The faint smell of cleaning products still lingered in the air, together with what might have been the perfume of the cleaning lady. My back hit the mattress and I folded my arms behind my head, sighing contently. Closing my eyes I could hear Liza’s breathing next to me and the noise of the cars down on the street outside._

_“We’ve paid enough for it to be clean,” she answered and I felt her lie down beside me when I hummed in agreement. “You think the boys will be okay with the way we divided the group?” It was a little funny that Liza would refer to them as ‘boys’, because both Ollie and Keith were older than me, but I didn’t comment on it._

_“Well, they have to. I’m not keen on sharing a bed with them while we stay in Bangkok, and I’m pretty sure Grant will agree with me on that.” When I took a peek at her with one eye she didn’t look reassured and I rolled my eyes. “Listen, baby, Keith and Riley get along quite well, and I’m sure my baby brother will come running if Keith’s being a dick. As for Ollie and Vince – nah, don’t worry. The only risk we’ll have to face with them is Vince getting high by smoking passively. Or actively. I don’t know.”_

_Her stern façade broke and she chuckled, reaching out with her slim fingers to stroke gently over my face. Then she leaned forward, her hand lingering on my chest to support her weight, and I closed my eyes in expectation of a kiss. Her warm breath ghosted over the stubble on my chin a second before her lips met mine, and I unfolded one arm from behind my head in favor of dragging my hand through her hair. It was still bound tightly, and I felt like I had to pat myself on the back when I managed to open the knot without looking, so the strands would fall around her face. The smell of her shampoo was still there, even after such a long day._

_I traced her bottom lip with my tongue and she opened her mouth, a soft moan escaping her as a rush of air before she could stop herself. I tightened my hand in her hair and dragged my arm around her slim waist to pull her on top of me and she spread her thighs obediently before her kisses wandered down my neck. I took a shuddering breath when she licked along my carotid artery. “Did you ever have sex in a hotel before?” she whispered into my ear and another shiver went through my body from the feeling of it._

_“Yeah,” I answered with a smile when her lips returned to mine, “but she was really expensive.” I gave her a toothy grin to indicate that I was kidding when she leaned back and looked at me._

_“I’m sure she was,” Liza answered with a smile of her own. “But I’m not exactly low in price myself.”_

_I reached for her upper arms and pulled her closer again, her hair building a curtain around our heads. “Maybe you could allow me a discount.” She moved her hand over my stubble and regarded me with a mischievous look on her face. “After all I’m not only handsome and smart, but also brave and dashing and-“_

_“Now I’ll charge twice as much,” she interrupted me with a laugh and rested her head on my chest._

_I snorted before I rolled on top of her, burying her slim form under my body. Her feebly cry of protest died on her lips when I leaned down to kiss her. Our breath mingled when I pulled back and stared into her blue eyes. “For you, I would give everything.”_

I felt the panic attack coming even before I was fully awake, rousing me from a nightmare I had been in. It was like some sort of a lucid dream, the taste of iron from the blood in my mouth in the forefront of my mind. The transition from delusion to reality was fluid and I found myself staring into the darkness much too quickly, before the insane panic locked its steel grip around my insides. I wasn’t prepared for it and breathed in reflexively, only to be overwhelmed by the feeling of getting not enough air into my lungs and the rapid beating of my heart in my chest. I took another wheezing breath, the sound reverberating in the basement, my limbs lying limply on the hard mattress. Frantically I reached for my throat, ‘cause for a split second I was sure to feel Vaas’ hands there again as he tried to choke me to death, but in even greater horror I realized that I was alone. Nothing there I could fight.

When my vision turned blurry I rolled onto my side, the grey wall beside the bed almost moving in front of my eyes, and reached for the blanket tangled around my legs to pull it up to my face and cover my mouth and nose. My hands were shaking, but I held on fast, effectively cutting off my airflow.

_Please, I don’t wanna die._

I knew that no one would come and help me, and this sense of defenseless only made it worse. No one to protect me, no one to make sure I was safe, no big brother to be there when-

Grant.

He had had panic attacks a long time after he had returned from the army, and he had woken many nights with nausea and shortness of breath.

_“Is there anything I can do to help you?”_

_“Yes. Talk,” he said, his voice sounding pained. Sweat was glistening on his forehead, and his chest looked like he had been rubbing his skin for the last few minutes._

_“About what?” I asked, maybe even more scared than he was._

_“Doesn’t matter. Just talk.”_

_“Err…” I only got out and tried desperately to find a topic, “I don’t know. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour?”_

_Silence followed my statement, only Grant’s deep breathing resonating in the room while he tried to calm himself, before a chuckle forced his way out between his lips. “What?”_

_I returned his grin, even though he was still looking like he might have a heart attack. “Yeah… Keith told me this yesterday.”_

_He looked at me from the side, he himself still lying on the bed and I sitting on the ground next to it, and we broke out in laughter almost simultaneously. “He probably made this up,” Grant snickered and I shrugged my shoulders, tears in my eyes from the laughter._

_“I don’t know,” I answered with a wink and was glad that Keith wasn’t there to hear me ‘cause he would probably have hit me for this, “I mean, it would explain his figure. Among other things.”_

I turned on my back again and pulled the blanket from my mouth. The memory hurt, but at the same time it was comforting.

_“Was this a panic attack?” I had asked after a while when I was lying next to him in his bed, refusing to go back to my room and leaving him alone. I wondered if this should be awkward. We were brothers, but also two grown men. Were other siblings like that too?_

_“Yes,” he had answered and turned his head to me._

_“Because of what you experienced?” He nodded. “Does Daisy know about this?” His girlfriend was away for two weeks because of her niece’s baptism, and our mother was glad to invite Grant over to have all her sons back together under one roof so he didn’t have to be alone so soon after his return from the army._

_He took a deep breath through his nose and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah, she does. I’m always afraid I might hurt her… I don’t know.”_

_“What do you do about it?” I asked. His gaze flickered back to me and he shifted his position, his arms folded behind his head. “The attacks, I mean.”_

_He seemed to think for a while before he responded. “First, I try to relax. It gets easier over the time, and it gets much simpler when you know what’s happening. The first time it happened I thought I was dying. It’s important to concentrate on your breathing. It helps when I place my hand here,” he held his hand over his diaphragm, “If it rises when I breathe in, I know my breath is deep enough.”_

I tried to do it like he had shown me back then.

_“If I have trouble with breathing regularly, I try to slowly count to five before I let out my breath.”_

I did. The voice saying the numbers inside my head sounded too much like my brother’s.

_“The negative thoughts have to stop. They only make it worse. It helps me to replace them with good ones, things that calm me down or give me hope.”_

_“Is it that easy?” I had asked and he had smiled._

_“No. But it’s the only thing you can do.”_

I tried to reason with me. The walls were not coming closer, and I placed a hand on the cold cement next to my bed just to make sure. I told myself that I was safe here – at least for now – and that there was no reason to panic. It was much harder to find positive things while being trapped in a closed cell on a remote island with a crazy psychopath, but I tried to remember my home to make myself feel better. The way the bedsheets had smelled when they were freshly made, or the taste of coffee in the morning when Liza had given me a bright smile over the rim of her cup.

_“And then?”_

_He turned onto his side to face me, the mattress dipping with the motion. “Nothing.”_

_“Nothing?”_

_He smiled at me, the moonlight casting dark shadows over the side of his face. “You have to accept it.” I didn’t really know what he had meant, and it must have shown on my face when he laughed softly. “You probably won’t remember anymore, but you know what dad used to say to us? ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.’ Roosevelt had said that.”_

_“And?” I asked again and he shrugged._

_“I don’t know. It helps me. Maybe someday it will help you too.”_

I stared at the cot which hung over my own, the one Keith had been using. Did it help me now?

I didn’t know back then, and I didn’t know now either.

But with Vaas as a captor and no chance to escape, I was pretty sure that fear was the least of my problems.

* * *

 

There were many bad things over the time I spent in that cell. And I always thought of it as the worst.

In the morning it was the hunger. When I woke, the sun often still not risen, my stomach felt empty and kept growling at me. No delicious breakfast was waiting for me like it had been back in America, and no one who kissed me awake. Not that I would want anyone on Rook to do that.

Vaas brought my meals every day at what I assumed was the same time. I had gone without food much longer already, yet the thought of eating kept bothering me. But with nothing else to do really, nothing to keep the mind busy, I could not distract myself from thinking about how hungry I was.

Throughout the day it was the thirst. Rook was really far from cold, but the nights were almost passable. Less mosquitos were drawn to me than I thought, and sometimes the wind outside was fresh enough to cool down the basement. More often than not it would still be really hot, with my sweat seeping into the mattress, but I came to value the nights when the temperature was low enough to sleep well.

Over the day it got hotter, and sometimes I felt like I had a fever attack. The warmth seemed determined to crush me, and there was nothing I could do besides lying on the floor and breathing heavily. I had no sources of water. Even the toilet and the sink, which normally brought at least a muddy brew, held no liquid anymore on those days.

My tongue would feel too big and too dry in my mouth. I couldn’t move from my spot on the ground, to weak and dizzy to do anything. Sometimes I had felt like I was spacing out, losing the grip I had on reality. Everything had been moving as if I had been on a ship, the tide rising and falling under me, and the rush of water was so clear in my ears that I was sure I would fall into the sea if I rolled over. The roaring got louder and louder, my heartbeat a steady rhythm.

The air had gotten cooler over time, but I didn’t feel better. My head had been killing me. Vaas was talking to me, and his voice reverberated in my body and made my headache even worse. When I blinked, I could see him dance on the pole again, but I tried to turn my head away to shut out the image. I found out I didn’t have the strength to do so; instead I just closed my eyes, ready to go to sleep forever.

I had been awakened by immense pain. My skin felt like it was burning; hot and cold at the same time. I tried to scream, but it was only a whimper that left my chapped lips. “It’s okay, Jason. You’ll be fine,” someone said, and it was definitely not Vaas. “I’ll take care of you.”

Carlos had given me water, only in small sips, had cooled my overheated skin with a wet blanket. His voice was calm and steady, like a real paramedic, as if he wasn’t nervous at all. I listened closely.

Vaas had made sure I would have enough water on these especially hot days from then on.

During the nights, it was not even the nightmares and panic attacks that were the worst. I could live through both. But the loneliness and homesickness that came after, when I had calmed down enough to know where I was but too shaken to fall asleep again, made me want to rip my heart out through my chest. I knew Riley had been the only one of us three brothers who didn’t like being away from home. He had hated school trips, always pleading with mom and wanting to stay at home. Neither Grant nor I had understood that, since both of us loved to explore the world, but then again Riley had always been the baby of the family.

I wondered if he was okay.

If he was alive at all.

But I came to the conclusion that these small things troubling me really didn’t matter when it came to the thing that bothered me the most.

The worst thing of all was Vaas. Obviously.

Then again, it wasn’t really Vaas, but my own traitorous mind. He came to me every day, no other human contact besides Carlos this one time when I had been out cold. At least Vaas had broken his vow of silence after a while. He still wasn’t conversing with me, but when I was really provocative I could earn a word or two.

And here was the problem.

_Earn._

When did I fucking earn something from Vaas? And when did I start thinking of it this way? I knew enough about conditioning and Stockholm Syndrome to know what was happening with me. Not only did my head link Vaas’ presence with the aspect of food, water and contact, even if only to a small extent, but also the lack of his normal abusive personality made me feel safer around him. One day I found myself already standing at the bars of my cell before the pirate leader opened the door to the basement, like an eager puppy awaiting the arrival of its master, and that was when I realized what was happening to me.

I had always thought that these kinds of things would happen without your knowledge and you would be okay with it, but it wasn’t like this for me. More like watching a car which was about to crash. You already know what’s going to happen, but the only thing you can do is to stand there and wait for everything to burst into flames. I was disgusted with myself. I thought the knowledge about what was happening would help me clear my head again, but on the contrary. I could not do anything about my feelings, but from now on I saw every fucking sign of me losing control even more.

So I started to think of all the horrible things Vaas had done to me and the others. When I heard his steps down the stairs, I tried to remember the feeling of Grant’s warm blood over my hands from the wound he had received from Vaas. But the memory was hazy, and it was hard for me to recall what exactly had happened.

_Maybe Vaas didn’t even want to shoot him? Maybe it was an accident?_

He stopped in front of my cell, more than the usual tray on his arm. He was also carrying a bucket and fresh clothes, so I could clean myself up.

_Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all._

I swallowed the lump in my throat before I spoke. “You know, you can just fucking kill me,” I said and he raised his eyes to meet mine after he put down the bucket and fumbled with the key, “I’m not afraid.” I could clearly see the smile that played around his lips, but otherwise he didn’t respond. I stayed seated on the bed with a tight grip on the metal frame like I was holding myself back forcefully, while he put the bucket inside the cell. “I can even do it myself if you want to. You don’t have to bother. Just give me a gun or something and I’ll finish myself off.”

“For someone who has been fighting through a whole lot of pirates just to get his revenge you give up really easily. What is it?” his smirk made me want to punch him right in the face, “Pretty little white boy has lost his fighting spirit? Honestly, I would have expected you to last longer.” His intense stare made my skin crawl, and I clenched my teeth around the snarky remark waiting on my tongue. This would be exactly what he wanted.

“Yes, you’re right,” I said instead and it nearly hurt physically, “I give up. You’ve won.” He just snorted, threw the clothes to the ground and placed the tray next to them. I waited for him to do something, anything, but it was as if it didn’t matter to him what I had said. “So, that’s it? You’re still not going to kill me?”

“Of course not.” He answered with a grin, and then turned to leave.

Before I knew it I was standing, fists clenched at my sides. Vaas, probably startled by the noise, was staring back at me. His hand was already resting on the gun at his belt when he turned back and tilted his head to the side as if to ask me what was wrong. Still, the grin had not vanished. “You know what I think?” I asked and ground my teeth, knowingly signing my own death warrant. “You keep me here ‘cause you have to remind yourself how strong you are, that you’ve beaten me. I bet you get off on this. But you know what?” He was watching me with narrowed eyes and I raised my chin. “This is a lie. I’ve beaten you more times than you me, and the only reason for you to come out on top now is because I can’t fight back.”

For the blink of an eye I was sure he would shoot me right there. But he didn’t draw his gun. With great strides he came over to me and I shrank back reflexively until I hit the wall behind me. My feeble attempt to ward off the blow was futile; Vaas forced my arms down before I could react and pressed his body against mine, making struggle impossible. I felt his hot breath against the side of my neck before he leaned back and raised his fist. The punch was sent straight to my nose, and my head thumped back against the wall with the motion. Behind closed eyelids, stars collided.

“You’re wrong,” the pirate whispered right into my ear and I shuddered. He let go of my hands in favor of putting his forearm on my throat and I felt more than uncomfortable since I had trouble getting air into my lungs from both the blood and the pressure on my windpipe. “You’re wrong, Snow White, because I don’t see you fight.” The scent of weed was strong despite the blood clotting in my nose and I had to think of Ollie immediately, though Vaas smelled a lot more of earth and something natural than Ollie’s dope ever did. “Not even now. On the contrary. You need me. You want me.”

He moved against me, and with a sudden shock I realized that my hands were resting on his hips with a tight grip on his pants. Blood was dripping down from my nose onto his forearm, and Vaas kept watching the drops running over his skin for a moment before he met my eyes again. I gasped when he leaned forward, increasing the pressure on my windpipe even more so I couldn’t breathe anymore, and I tried furiously to shove him away to break free. I grabbed his arms to push him, but even though I was taller than him and had tried to keep in shape, I had no strength left in me. I struggled against his grip, but all it did was to make me feel dizzy and lightheaded. My arms felt as if weights had been strapped to them, and a sudden jolt went through me when I realized that maybe now he was finished with me. _Throwing me away._

Everything hurt, I couldn’t swallow. The blood in my head was too much. Seconds went by with only the sound of my slowing heartbeat in my ears, and Vaas’ sharp grin right in front of my face.

_The last face you’ll ever see._

I would have screamed if I had the ability to draw the breath for it; instead only a whimper left my lips as dark spots appeared in my vision. I couldn’t stop the flailing, but Vaas didn’t let go. For a long heartbeat I wondered if I would see Grant again.

Then he let go.

It hurt to breathe; nevertheless I inhaled great gulps of air. Vaas took his hands off me and stepped back, but without his support I slumped forward and down onto the ground. My arms could only catch me for a second before I fell to the side, nearly hyperventilating, and I felt the emotions run amok inside me; fear, anger, relief, disappointment.

The haze faded from my vision when I heard footsteps come closer, and I was so afraid of being hurt again that I curled into a ball in hope of protecting myself from the worst. Vaas’ clothes rustled when he kneeled beside me. I blinked, forced my vision to focus, and nearly couldn’t hold back the shudder when I noticed the bulge in his pants.

_‘Thank you, Vaas, for putting me in place.’_

_Please don’t._

“Don’t worry, Jason” he said and reached his hand out to pet my hair. I didn’t have the strength to pull away. “I’m not going to kill you today. In fact, I never will. You’re at my mercy here.” He stood up and I closed my eyes when he stepped over me to leave the cell. He paused at the entrance and I nearly felt his gaze lingering on me. “I mean, why should I give this up? I’ll come down here every day for the rest of your fucking life, and I can watch the _‘oh so great and fantastic’_ Snow White crumbling down under my hands until your nothing but an empty shell.” I heard I loud noise, a clinking and scraping, and I raised my eyes to see Vaas kicking the tray out of the cell. Both the bowl of food and the glass of water were knocked over, spreading their contents over the ground. Vaas caught my gaze and smiled. “No food for you today, Jason. “ I sighed wearily and let my head fall back to the ground. Again I heard I noise and Vaas coming closer, but before I could react he emptied the bucket of cold water over my body. I gasped out of shock and heard him laugh when I tried to crawl away, but a boot on my back stopped me and he pushed me to the ground. “I like my pets to be clean, though.” With that he stepped away, and I made sure not to move until he was out of reach. The lock of the door clicked when he turned the key, but Vaas kept standing there for what felt like an eternity before he turned and climbed up the stairs, whistling happily on his way.

The water kept dripping down from my skin and hair, and I could still taste the blood on my tongue. I was shivering, but I could find neither the strength nor the will to push me up again, so I stayed on the ground and just followed the rhythm of my breathing. Memories of home flooded my mind when I closed my eyes, and the pain was burning in my veins like liquid fire. I wanted to scream, _to make the pain go away_ , but nothing would help. Instead I pulled my legs closer to my body, wound my arms around them.

I couldn’t remember ever having felt this miserable in my life.

My eyes burned and I nearly choked on the ache in my chest. And when the tears began running down my face, I didn’t even care anymore what it must have looked like.

* * *

 

_“Hurry the fuck up, Jason,” Keith yelled and threw the last bag in the trunk of the car. “Or we’re gonna miss the plane.”_

_I gave him the finger before turning back to my mom, who was leaning against the frame of the front door. “Are you going to be okay?” I asked and she patted my cheek with her hand._

_“Of course I will. Don’t worry.” I covered her hand with mine and smiled. Riley rushed past her out of the house, stopped in the middle of front yard and ran back to us. He dropped the bag he had slung around his shoulders to the ground, and our mother pulled him into a hug. “Listen to your brothers, okay? Don’t do anything stupid, yes?”_

_He nodded quickly and kissed her on her cheek. “Of course, mom. Love you.”_

_She kept smiling at him when she nodded. “Then go.” He grabbed the bag almost instantly and hurried to Keith, who rolled his eyes in an annoyed fashion at seeing the bag._

_“Please watch out for him,” she whispered and I turned back to her. Worry flickered over her face for a second before she smiled again. “And for yourself.”_

_I nodded. “Of course.” She tilted her head to the side and turned her cheek to me expectantly. Quickly I looked back at the others, but they were all busy, so I leaned down and kissed her. And because I knew she would be alone the whole time, I closed my arms around her again. “Take care, mom. Love you lots.”_

_“Now go,” she shooed me away. “Before I will keep you here. And give Grant a kiss from me.”_

_I laughed when I crossed the yard and got in the car. “I certainly won’t do that.”_

_I wound down the window, and Riley nearly crawled over Liza and me to wave his goodbye when Keith started the car and pulled away._


End file.
